Mission Mission

Chortle!  My fave Handjobbin’ in a long while:

Avoid the vag, read Handjobbin’!

This is the stuff handjobs were made for.

Submit your own, girl hands.

More rules, less fun.

(Credit MrEricSir)

Ghetto Frida’s Mission Memories has only been up for a month, but it’s already pretty trashed.  Lame.

I know Texas shitkickers are all the rage these days in spite of the fact no one has to schlep through meadow muffins on their way to score blow at Delirium, but this is taking it to far.

(link)

Look at that fucking menu. It's so badass. Boy is even wearing CONVERSE SHOES. This is almost "Mission Taco" level epic.

Chavita’s Numero 2 (3161 24th St and South Van Ness) is by far one of my favorite breakfast spots in the city.  The short of it is this: your entire check, tax and tip will be less than 6 bucks and the food is pretty good.  Don’t get me wrong, I love standing in line for 45 minutes and paying 13 bucks for a tofu scramble and O.J. at Bugaloos, but, you know, no one is patient when they’re hungover from drinking a couple of Latin American Club margaritas.

This is what you need to know:

• Every time you walk in the door, they greet you with a big basket of delicious chips and salsa
• Pretty much every item on the breakfast menu is just $4 before 10 a.m.
• There is never a line
• If you are crafty, you can choose you own adventure (pictured above) by ordering a random cacophony of ingredients to make your own minimalist tacos.  The entire plate will cost you a few bucks.
• They squeeze their own orange juice and it will only run you $3 for a tall glass.

Unfortunately, I rarely see anyone in this place anymore given the struggle Mission Taquerias have been facing lately.  I hope they make it.

Mark of Death Wish 3 sent us in this tip:

I came across a Chronicle article from 1891 about “mission hoodlums” raiding a bar and stealing three kegs of beer, then hiding their contraband in a barn in Bernal Heights.  so good.

This is definitely good stuff.  First, I am really happy to see Mission referred to as “Mission Road.”  Argh.  You can always spot a transplant in this town by them uttering the words “Mission St.”  I am also digging the picture of the sergeant making “one of the oldest officers on the force” roll the beer barrels up the hill all by himself.  Way to be a dick.

The Police Discover the Plunder in a Barn on Bernal Heights.

A gang of Mission hoodlums made a raid last Saturday night upon Hermann’s saloon, on the Mission road, carrying away three barrels of beer, which they secreted in a barn belonging to a man named Bell, on the very summit of Bernal Heights. For some reason the circumstances of the theft was kept from the police until Tuesday morning, when Sergeant Burke received knowledge of the affair in an indirect manner, and for his own information made an investigation of the robbery.

Yesterday Sergeant Burke had occasion to visit Bernal Heights to investigate some depredation recently commited there. While taking observations he happened to be in the vicinity of Bell’s barn, and something prompted him to take a peep inside, where, to his surprise, he espied the identical three barrels of beer snugly secreted in one corner of the barn.

Satisfying himself that it was Hermann’s property the sergeant summoned the owner to identify the property,and at the same time rang in for the patrol wagon to remove it to the Seventeenth-street station as evidence.

During the sergeant’s absence, however, the barrels were rolled out of the barn and slid down the steep hillside to the gulch below.

When he returned with Hermann he observed the furrows cut into the ground by the barrels. Hermann and the sergeant descended to the gulch and there the owner fully identified his property.

While in the gulch below the patrol wagon arrived at Bell’s barn on top of the hill, accompanied by Officer Gallagher, one of the oldest officers on the force. To get the wagon into the gulch below was out of the question, so the sergeant directed Gallagher to roll the three barrels of beer up the hillside to the wagon, where, with the assistance of the driver, they were loaded into the wagon and transferred to the Seventeenth-street station.

(link)

(photo by pagedesign at the Altered Barbie Exhibit)

The twitternets are blowing up with reports that there was just another fatal shooting double homicide at 24th and Hampshire.  It is time we get our priorities straight.

Update: More details.

UPDATE: Hot damn.  I just checked out the scene and it was pretty crazy.  The guy even took down a TREE.  (Click to enlarge any picture)

I love the fact that a drag racer has an American Flag pinwheel on his antenna. Major win.

So much for racing for slips.

He looks well-mannered.

(Photo cred. Daniel Korenblum)