Comments on: CONTEST: Win Your Favorite 4505 Meats T-Shirt

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By: shameless

shameless — Thu, 13 May 2010 19:00:08 +0000

Did anyone ever win this thing?

By: KJ

KJ — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 23:59:49 +0000

I grew up on a farm in rural Montana.

My brother and I raised 4-H steers that we raised from calves and then sold at the county fair at the end of the summer.

My brother named his first calf “Mr. Steak”.

By: Fred Rinne

Fred Rinne — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 02:53:38 +0000

I was waiting for my turn at a meat market on Mission, and an elderly Latina signalled to me to help her with a selection she wanted to make. She handed me a plastic bag and tongs and pointed to a gigantic severed fish head. I complied, and was struggling to get this beast into the bag, but it barely fit. (The fish-face was big as mine) After much slipping and exertion, I finally got it into the bag, noticing out of the corner of my eye she was snickering. I wonder if she pulls this on others…

By: shameless

shameless — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 19:40:19 +0000

A decade or so ago I was living with my girlfriend in Lower Haight. She was (still is) Jewish and so am I. On a wonderful spring afternoon that also happened to be Passover, we got a craving some meat. Not just any meat. Brother In-Law’s BBQ. If you don’t remember the place it was on Divis across from what was then the Kennel Club and is now the Independent. Sadly, Brother’s is gone today and really hasn’t been replaced by any better BBQ in SF proper. (different story) Neither one of us was particularly religious, but slow roasted pork ribs aren’t exactly “Koser for Passover” (It’s a special kind of Kosher that is more stringent especially for Passover).

Yep, off to Brother’s for some Pork Ribs, leavened Wonder bread with butter pads and of course some yeasty beer to wash it all down. If there were a worse meal we could eat on Passover, I certainly can’t think of it. (To boot, I’m sure we likely made a variety of crude jokes about how both blacks and Jews were slaves. Fortunately, I can’t recall.)

The next day we decided to take a hike in Marin to work off some of that porkaliciousness from our Passover non-observance. As we drove up Divis right past said Brother In-Law’s, we looked to our left. Much to our horror, it burned down just a few hours after we finished our pork orgy. (Fortunately, they rebuilt it, but it took most of the next year.)

I’m still not particularly religious today and I love pork more than any other three people I know, but I’ve never missed a Passover since. I’m kind of thinking someone was trying to tell me something.

By: Lisa Reyes

Lisa Reyes — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 19:20:37 +0000

I was vegetarian for 10 years, and did not eat any pork or beef for 24 years- my last beef meal was a bacon burger at the tender age of 15. That all changed, as soon as I got pregnant. A few weeks pregnant, I was busted trying to dip my finger into a can of devils meat, on Christmas I was caught sneaking pieces of spiral ham into my mouth. I no longer hide it- I am A FULL-BLOODED CARNIVORE , AND I AM BACK WITH A VENEGANCE!! I am a porkatarian to the core and damn proud of it too!!

By: Dingo Bones

Dingo Bones — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 07:03:38 +0000

Gotta love In and Out for making you splurge and then want to go back for more.

By: Ellie K

Ellie K — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 01:19:08 +0000

December 2005: I love meat. I was dared by my now-fiance to eat everything on the In n Out menu in 24 hours, including the online special menu, shakes and drinks. Twenty-one hours later, with one slice of bread from the double meat, 3/4 cheeseburger minus the lettuce, one-third of a Dr. pepper, half a carton of milk, I accidentally disqualified myself by to not holding down the smallest bit of food – I gagged. I was close, but no cigar. My 6’4″ friend ate the rest and said that he felt fat. Sad. What was sadder was I was hungry again 30 minutes later. A few days later, three of my lymph nodes on my neck swelled up on one side of my neck…probably due to the large amount of meat that I consumed. But the best part of the whole deal was that I smelled like a meat log for 7 days, cuddling up nightly to my beefcake who regretted having dared me in the first place. I still love In n Out and burgers to this day. No joke about it.

By: Trevor

Trevor — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 05:20:45 +0000

My dad sold the dairy I grew up on and bought a sheep ranch. I was visiting over Xmas vacation in high school and hoping to enjoy the beautiful barren wasteland of Southern Idaho but knowing I was actually going to be working the whole time. Sure enough dad said it was “lamb time” when most of the 300 sheep would be giving birth. Sheep normally give birth to one or two lambs. They don’t need much help and the lambs are cute as hell. Unfortunately, some lambs are still-born and some ewes abandon their healthy lambs. When this happened with cows you just sort of pushed the orphan calves over to some other cow and she would adopt it. But that wasn’t working with the lambs and we were losing lambs and money.

We had a Basque guy come out and show us a trick. He spoke almost no English so I just watched. I had seen a lot of nasty shit growing up on a dairy but nothing came close to this.

The setup
Lamb is orphaned by uncaring ewe and needs a new mom.
or
Mom with still-born needs lamb.
Mom won’t adopt and needs to be tricked.

The procedure
Take still-born lamb and first break, then cut off feet. Cut around neck and peel off skin in one big piece.
Skin will be inside-out. Turn it back correct way.
Grab orphan lamb and shove into skin like putting clothes on baby. That means forcing feet into “sleeves” and putting head through neck of skin.
Poke two holes in neck skin and tie with bailing twine to keep skin on.
Lamb should now appear as if it is wearing woolen pajamas with a bowtie. (I am not making this up)

Result
Mom thinks orphan is actually her lamb and immediately starts caring for it and feeding it.
Pajama skin can be removed after two days.

Associated problems
Orphan lamb must be smaller than dead lamb so pajamas will fit, meaning that you need to save dead lambs and remember whose mom is whose.
When orphan is wearing pajamas the butt-hole and pee holes do not line up. Piss and shit collect inside pajamas for the next two days. This will sway to and fro as lamb walks. (I am not making this up)
Lamb doesn’t care but when you cut pajamas loose after two days, you will breathe in the most digusting smell of fermented piss, feces, blood and apparently, whatever the mother was sniffing for when she was wondering if this lamb came from her loin. I do not posses the talent to accurately describe this smell.

We did this about a dozen times over my Christmas vacation and it worked 100% of the time. Amazing and disgusting. I can’t break down a whole lamb very well but If you ever want to play some sick-ass Jeffery Dahmer games with farm animals, let me know.