Comments on: Friendship in San Francisco Can Be Tough, Or Maybe Not

By: orly?

orly? — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 19:07:26 +0000

> but of course you can flake on your friends. that’s why they call them friends.

No! Not okay.

By: Scoob-lover

Scoob-lover — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:17:41 +0000

Good insight.

By: Scoob-lover

Scoob-lover — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:16:38 +0000

It means, oh fuck it I have nothing to say.

By: ditto

ditto — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 20:52:35 +0000

totally agree on the technology point. in my experience, people in SF put technology first, friends second. what’s happening on their phone is more important than the plans they made… if something new comes up on the phone it can change the direction of the night completely. having plans is more important than showing up. multiply that by everyone and you’ve got a completely unreliable state of affairs.

dates are exceptions to this rule because dates are the shortest route to sex for most people, so they’ll put the energy in to keep the date if they want sex with the person.

By: James

James — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 20:08:48 +0000

I have harbored this sentiment myself and heard others complain about it. I wonder if it has less to do with geography so much as with technology. I remember when no one (or not everyone) had cell phones and such quick and easy access to restaurant reviews/reservations and things to do and see. In those days, you had to make plans well in advance and you HAD to show up. You couldn’t call 15 minutes before you were supposed to meet up and cancel, or only decide on where you wanted to go an hour before. As this “just in time” info access has become more ubiquitous, I think our behavior has changed accordingly. We now know that we can cancel at the last minute, or decide to not attend something once someone has picked out a place to meet up and it’s too far away or we don’t like the choice. Now that more, if not all, of us have been involved in this behavior to some extent, it’s become tacitly tolerated if not totally accepted.

The perception that SF suffers from this more than most might just be because this city has absorbed technology at a faster and greater rate.

Just a thought.

By: doogiehowsah

doogiehowsah — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 00:44:05 +0000

This is a lifestyle city is the new I’m in Miami bitch

By: MrEricSir

MrEricSir — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 06:52:21 +0000

Very few of the people I know in SF actually grew up in SF. Seems to be a city of transplants, which would suggest that everyone’s expectations might be a bit different.

By: njt

njt — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 05:56:07 +0000

You’re not a douchebag who uses the phrase “This is a lifestyle city”

By: D-Bo

D-Bo — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 02:59:46 +0000

After talking with others who are from various parts of the country (and world, for that matter), I often hear them say that it seems customary for people to not follow through on plans (i.e. flakiness). I often hear that the culture on the East Coast isn’t like this. People make plans, commit, and follow through. If they don’t want to hang out, they say so from the beginning. I think the culture here is more passive and people are more timid to say what they feel as opposed to other parts of the country. People will reluctantly say, “Yeah, let’s hang out tomorrow night” even though deep down they don’t want to. I think we can just be more up front and not mislead or manipulate situations by not saying how we really feel. That’s my piece.

By: Johnny G

Johnny G — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 01:08:42 +0000

Word Brock. Word.

By: Johnny G

Johnny G — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 01:06:57 +0000

You are a wonderful case in point. Most people here do not take offense to a friend who does not commit to an engagement. Most are more relaxed than this. It is only rude because you consider it to be rude. Yet I would never be offended if a friend “flaked” on me, because I am secure enough in my self and my friendships that I know my friends aren’t being inconsiderate of my feelings. Rather, they, just as I know that there are multiple things a person can do in one night, and it comes down to what you feel like doing. They make multiple plans, and I make multiple plans. Thus, when things don’t come together for one thing, I simply go and do the other. And why would I show up to a friend’s engagement if I didn’t feel like going? Then I am lying to their face by showing up, because I am giving them a false sense of security. So where you think it is selfish and irresponsible not to show up to a friend’s engagement, you forget that it would be more insincere to show up when your heart is in a different place.

Also you seem to conflate our relaxed culture with an anti-work ethos. That is not the case. Just because we don’t commit in our social engagements and don’t take offense to friends who don’t commit, that does not mean we don’t work hard. We may not show up to work on time and in a suit and tie, but our work product is better for it, because we feel more comfortable in our work environment to get done the work we need to do.

Relax dude.

By: Spacemummy

Spacemummy — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 21:30:11 +0000

Just looking at this block of text makes a vein behind my left eyeball throb.

By: Scott

Scott — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 21:27:20 +0000

Las Vegas is the mecca of “Flakedom”

By: Amy

Amy — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 19:43:50 +0000

Usually when I flake it’s because it’s too cold or windy and I don’t want to freeze while I wait an hour for Muni.

By: McMatt

McMatt — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 18:58:07 +0000

The fact the that word “flake” is regularly in the lexicon out here proves the point. I hear it all the time. It certainly is not a conversation topic back home in Boston. Call it a “lifestyle”. Spout your smug patronizing “You’ll get it one day” advice, but it is what it is. Inconsiderate and self absorbed behavior. I just don’t waste my time with people like that anymore. There are indeed lots of folks out here who don’t do it!