Many of these retards travel by bike, and the trademark of the cycling hipster is the fixed gear bicycle. For those of you unaware of fixed gears, or “fixies” as they call them, it’s essentially a bike that doesn’t have the ability to coast because the sprocket is screwed directly onto the hub and there is no freewheel mechanism. In other words, the pedals always move with the wheel, forwards or backwards. Originally these bikes were used by track cyclists to train for races…which makes sense, since racing tracks are relatively flat surfaces and the fixed gear yields more efficiency. If you’re unfamiliar with San Francisco, it is one of the most hilly and precipitous cities in the world. There are over 50 hills in the city alone, with anywhere from 3-31.5 % gradient. Now, explain to me what makes sense about having a bike with no brakes, and the only means of stopping is to physically slow the pedals down to a crawl? [or more recently, 'skidding', which is patently cool].

So, obviously the coolest thing for me to do now is just start dressing like I work as a caddy at a golf course. Cuz too many motherfuckers are still catching up to me in 5th grade. So, fuck y’all, I’m buying new clothes at fucking GAP. Fucking bums.

This site isn’t even that “cool” considering no one has mentioned the UOA show on Monday. Only cool people know this shit and we’re buying clothes at motherfucking GAP and rollin around with a limp and a cane because we’re almost 30.

Riding fixies. Horrible sense of style, all in the name of “irony”, including but not limited to vintage (or even just vintage-style) t-shirts, skinny jeans, mirrored aviators and/or boxy plastic glasses, etc etc.

Really I didn’t think that there was much confusion about this, I thought that most people could pick out the hipsters with a fair amount of precision. Hell, even my friend in town from the UK for a week was able to point out the Hipsters whilst walking through the Mission.