Mission Mission

[via No Age]

My friend Adam (aka DJ Trigger Cut) is doing his monthly punk happy hour at the Knockout tonight. It’s always tons of fun, but this time there’s a little controversy:

In the grand tradition of other terrors like Harry Potter and nipples, we’ve been censored! Thus, this place is no longer fucked (shhh… look the other way). In it’s place, Hickey’s love anthem. “Hey cutie pie, it’ll be alright.”

Classic Bay Area punk w/ DJ Trigger Cut!

The forecast says we’re all in for a long-overdue downpour of Lookout goodness. Blatz just played for the first time in forever and it needs to be celebrated. Plus, I’m bringing a whole pile of MTX and Ghoulies 7″s that aren’t going to play themselves. Screw 32, Dead and Gone, Fleshies, yada yada yada, come drink with me and enjoy the sounds of the good ol’ days! And Hickey. Always Hickey.

Plus Beth behind the bar!

It used to be called “This Place Is Fucked” after the line in “Journey to the End of the East Bay,” so I’m assuming Adam got a cease-and-desist from Rancid

RSVP and invite your friends!

Here’s “Hey Cutie Pie”:

No Age are responsible for two of our favorite Noise Pop memories of all time (a public service announcement regarding the Foo Fighters and lameness and a panel discussion about album art that included a cool picture of David Letterman), so we’re thrilled and honored to be co-presenting their Noise Pop 2014 appearance next month at Bottom of the Hill.

You may RSVP and invite your friends on Facebook, and tickets are on sale now, though we’ll be giving away a pair in the coming weeks, so be on the lookout for that. And we’ll be taking a look at the rest of the bill too, so be on the lookout for that.

And be sure to check out the rest of the Noise Pop 2014 lineup, which includes a Mikal Cronin show at the Chapel and another No Age show at Brick & Mortar.

I made the poster; what do you think?

You’re right, no Fernet is as good as Fernet Branca, but sometimes it’s fun to branch out a little. My friend Simon recently hosted a Fernet party, most of which I do not remember, but according to this photo I just found, we drank this concoction. And it looks pretty good. (I do remember the Argentine Fernet was delivered to the party by someone who on the event invite expressed profound distaste for Fernet of all kinds. It was nice that she came to her senses and decided to participate.)

Looks real nice in that gorgeous Fernet Branca glass too.

[via The Fog Bender]

[via Diana Kathleen Bradbury]

Looking Season 1 Episode 2: is this show good, you guys? I just finished the second episode of HBO’s Looking, the first cool show to be set and made in SF since forever, and I’m on the fence.

Here’s what happened this week: Agustin moved out of his apartment with Patrick to live with boyfriend Frank in Oakland. Dominick’s ex-methhead ex-boyfriend comes to town, asks for him back. Dominick gets weirded out and effs a li’l short guy in the b, tells the methhead to go eff himself later in some hotel lobby (READERS: where was this?).

Jonathan, the hero of our story (I guess?) goes out with Richie, the Mexican guy from Esta Noche we met last week on the J-Church (I guess?). Jonathan’s buds tell him “real Mexican” guys are probs uncut, so he googles a bunch of dick pics in preparation (as one does). When the two are finally getting down to business (following beers at Doc’s Clock, then an Erasure dance sesh), Jonathan puts foot in mouth while putting dick in mouth and tells Richie that he’d expected him to be “uncut.” Richie gets weirded out, bounces (as one does).

Now lest you already forgot, on last week’s episode, Jonathan weirded his OK Cupid date out by being like “lol I got a HJ in BV park the other day for shits and giggs.” Basically, this show should be called The Worst Gay Guy in San Francisco, because this guy is like SO bad at being gay. If next week’s episode features Jonathan wearing sweat pants at the Folsom Street Fair making AIDS jokes, I’m seriously OUTTA HERE.

The problem with Looking so far is that it’s expected to be the big gay answer to Golden Girls, Sex and the City, and Girls (there was even an extended Golden Girls ref this week), but no one’s ever having any fun. Sex and the City, for one, would have never let a convo re: Mexi peens go by without a cacophony of insane dick puns.

CARRIE: So this guy Richie I’m seeing tonight, he’s Mexican.
SAMANTHA: Mexican? You think he’s got a flauta between his albondigas, or an enchilada?
CHARLOTTE: Que?
SAMANTHA: You know, is his tamale wrapped or unwrapped?
MIRANDA: (rolls eyes) Ay carumba.

Oh, and btw, Carrie goes on the date wearing a Versace peasant blouse with a giant macrame parrot on the shoulder and says things like “Ay, papi!” and “Si, senor!” all night. END SCENE.

See how fun that was? The gays deserve better than this, a little respect. I’ll keep watching for Muni spotting alone, but if Jonathan isn’t drunk on top of a piano at Martuni’s by next week, I’m turning this weekly column into a Degrassi Junior High fan fiction hub.

Spotted in this episode: Philz, the Bay Bridge, a Cal T-shirt, Doc’s Clock, the Castro Theater, some gay club.

[Photo by Dashquatch]

This is happening right now at Linea Caffe!

My old college friends are mopping up on Wall Street. The only mopping I'm doing is mopping up the floors of women's restrooms on Van Ness.

— David Enos (@davidenos) January 25, 2014

All my friends are married and own dogs. The only dogs I know are the haggard men that chase me up Van Ness asking, "Dollar for BART, dog?"

— David Enos (@davidenos) January 25, 2014

Everybody's buying a house these days. The only house I'm buying is a $249.00 DVD set of the complete third season of Fox's "House".

— David Enos (@davidenos) January 25, 2014

Everybody gets their shoes polished on Van Ness. The only "Polishing" I'm doing on Van Ness is polishing off a Tommy's Joynt meatball sub.

— David Enos (@davidenos) January 25, 2014

Why David isn’t headlining Sketchfest this year I will never know.