I was walking down 17th Street and stopped when I recognized a familiar landmark. I noticed a pigeon standing on the roof, eyeing the torso with sideways glances. I was thinking about what the next level of this situation could look like when a man came out of Maverick and started speaking to me.

“Are you the owner of this car?”
“No.”
“Oh. Well, we’ve been trying to figure out how to get this pigeon to skull fuck the Barbie™ for a while.”

Then he put a piece of bread on her head and we both watched and waited.

I suggested a trail, which he was already on top of. As he made the little bread path the bird got embarrassed and uncomfortable and flew away.

End of situation.