Order a coconut for 3 bucks, and he expertly opens it for you with 2 carefully placed chops of the cleaver. He doesn’t seem to mind high-velocity coconut debris flying out in every direction, so I suppose you shouldn’t either. He sticks a straw in and there you go, the freshest and best-tasting coconut juice around. This is quite a contrast to the pleasant young folks at Bi-Rite who will do the same, but based on the time it takes they are probably scratching their heads in the back room for a while looking up “how to open a coconut” Youtube videos on their smartphones.

Here’s the real edge: when you’re done drinking the juice, bring it back. He’ll crack it open, scrape out the pulp, and serve it mixed with chili powder, lemon juice, and salt in a ziplock bag. If you’re in a hurry and want to take everything to go, he’ll dump the juice in another ziplock bag and chop it up for you in one session. His regulars seem hip to this, since the wait can get long.

The first time I visited Señor Coco, he spoke to me completely in Spanish, but not in a “I’m not gonna speak English for you, yuppie scum” kind of way. It was more like a “you seem like a pretty smart guy who might know some Spanish” kind of way. It’s sorta true. I studied Spanish for 4 years in high-school.  This means I just suck at Spanish as opposed to not knowing Spanish at all. I cobbled together some phrase that demonstrated I knew the subjunctive tense and he laughed. This dude is always in an awesome mood.

I asked if he’s here every Saturday and Sunday and he says “yes, señor, I’ll be here waiting for you!” Couldn’t tell if he’s just bullshitting with me about his availability, but I’ll definitely be checking again next weekend.