Last night, local funnyman Sean Keane competed in San Francisco’s first Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction event.

What is a “Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction”, you ask? Sean explains it:

The competition is split into two parts: in the first, contestants read prepared pieces of erotic fan fiction (topics last night included Animaniacs, Angry Birds, and the sitcom Family Matters). Before they read, contestants from the second round draw topics from a bag, and write their own pieces while the prepared works are read. Second-round topics included Watership Down, Carl Sagan’s Cosmos, and X-Men.

He may have been thrown a soft ball by drawing “Driving Miss Daisy”, but boy did he ever deliver with his epic “Riding Miss Daisy“. Here’s an excerpt:

Miss Daisy gazed at Hoke’s strong black hands, rough from years of gripping the wheel but surprisingly tender. Hoke swung into the right lane and accelerated past a slow-moving jalopy with ease, almost caressing the wheel as he made the pass. Miss Daisy unbuttoned the top button of her blouse, exposing a neck that hadn’t known the lips of a man since the Great Depression.

That’s about as clean as it gets. If you haven’t eaten recently, maybe you’ll want to read the rest of this very, very wrong piece of fiction here.

I don’t think there were any winners in this event.

Happy Cinco de Mayo, all.

Did you know that stand-up comedy, as we know it, started in San Francisco? It’s true! According to Joe Rogan on Episode 161 of the WTF podcast, anyway. He credits it to when Mark Twain first started giving hilarious speeches filled with wit and biting social commentary around town. Without Mark Twain, no Gallagher. Think about that.

Anyways, the other day I passed by Mission comedian Chris Garcia in the street, jumped in front of him, and blurted out, “CHRIS GARCIA!”. After this, I had no follow up other than a crazy wild-eyed stare. He looked at me a bit terrified. I followed up with, “Umm, yeah, sorry. I’m Vic from Mission Mission.”  He was like, “Oh hey! You should come to the Business this week. It’s our 2-year birthday.”

The Business is a weekly comedy showcase at the Dark Room featuring Chris, Sean Keane, Alex Koll, and Bucky Sinister. They also feature out-of-town comedians passing through.Why not take part in the rich history of San Francisco comedy and check them out tonight? The show starts at 8pm. Here is the event page.

Also, Chris Garcia (as Dr. 4:20) wishes you a happy day: