Reader Katie spotted this notice on the side of the Victoria Theater yesterday:

Looks like someone took issue with the historic Alber’s Flapjack Flour mural on the side of the theater on 16th and Capp! Soon when you want to “look for the miner” you’ll have to “look” elsewhere.

I can only guess that some local tightwads just can’t stand the fact that fattening breakfast foods, such as flapjacks (which are basically super-thick and delicious pancakes) are being marketed to children, particularly those that go to the nearby Marshall Elementary School.

Sure, it may not be a part of a balanced breakfast, but have you seen a picture of a balanced breakfast? There’s like two cups of juice, milk, toast, and like ten other things in addition to your cereal. Nobody I know ate balanced breakfasts and we turned out fine.

What’s next? A war on bacon? Home fries? Scrambled eggs that contain yolks? All I know is that I will fight to the death for my right to eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch in a peanut butter sandwich.

Never mind that Albers hasn’t made flapjack flour for decades. They are focused more on corn-based products now. Lame.

[Thanks the reader Katie for the tip!]

Update: You are right to be outraged, but this is an April Fool’s Joke. Sadly for all of us, it was way too believable. Folks from SFist even compared the violation form to the source image on Bernalwood (sans official letterhead and staff contact) and still had to ask me! We’re that good. Sorry. Next year we’ll do something obvious like “Chevy’s opening in the Mission” or whatever.

All it takes to kill an effort to provide Bernal Heights and our surrounding neighborhoods with some 21st century wireless technology is a group of addled NIMBYs and a thin veneer of recently applied graffiti. But improving service requires a master plan. Which may get written. After some research. Someday. Perhaps.

And there’s a hearing today on cell phone towers and “the City’s beauty”:

The next battle will take place in the lame-duck chambers of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, where progressive Supervisor John Avalos will hold public hearings today on a piece of legislation he introduced (with backing from Bernal Heights Supervisor David Campos) to “regulate the placement of [mobile antennas] in order to prevent telecommunications providers from installing wireless antennas and associated equipment in the City’s rights-of-way either in manners or in locations that will diminish the City’s beauty.”

Even if you don’t read the rest of my diatribe, at least go to Bernalwood to see what you can do.

Unsurprisingly, stupid spreads. Note this recent entertainingly hysterical petition against a proposed cell tower on 24th & Harrison:

To:  San Francisco Planning Commission
24th Street Neighborhood Against Cell Tower on 24th & Harrison

T-Mobile is trying to install an Industrial 6-Panel Facility (Antenna Tower) that is unnecessary, undesirable and not compatible with our predominantly residential neighborhood.

This type of antenna tower contains hazardous materials and equipment. This equipment is going to be installed on a residential building in this densely populated neighborhood.

The backup batteries are made with hydrogen gas, a very explosive substance, and under certain conditions can ignite and explode.

Lower 24th Street Association has done field studies in the surrounding area and has found the coverage is already “good” to “excellent” in our neighborhood, therefore this facility is unnecessary.

The Planning Commission Hearing is scheduled for Thursday, January 13, 2011 beginning at 1:30pm or later in City Hall, 1 Carlton B. Goodlett Place, Room 400

For more information please email Beth at noantennasSF@gmail.com

ZOMG EXPLOSIVE GAS.  And SIX panels!  The end is nigh. (I suggest that you go to this petition and indicate your support for the tower.)

Uptown Almanac recently smacked their collective foreheads upon T-mobile’s spinelessness upon encountering fake-science NIMBYsistance:

Remember back when we laughed at a completely ludicrous protest of NIMBY neighbors claiming that making cellphones work in the northwest corner of the Mission would hurt the children?  Well, guess what, the protest actually fucking worked.  In spite of the fact there is no scientific proof backing their claims that the celltower would cause you to turn into a swamp monster, T-Mobile backed down and withdrew their permit application.

As for AT&T, their poor reception in the Mission is legendary.  A modern day Data Bermuda Triangle, it’s the Sargasso Sea for 3G. I created this animated map from an app that measures signal strength on the iPhone.

Note how the towers are few and far between compared to the rich electromagnetic fields of La Lengua.  (I tried this around Dolores Park and down 18th but it was pointless as I could barely get any meaningful signal.)

Here’s the deal, NIMBYs.  I know you didn’t pay any attention in high school, but it’s been well known since the 17th century that electromagnetic radiation (which has nothing to do with scary Three Mile Island radiation, you nitwits) dissipates according to the inverse square law.

• Unless you are standing right next to the tower, the “radiation” pales in comparison to the energy transmitted by your cell phone.
• The fewer cell phone towers there are, the harder your cell phone has to work to talk to them.  Which means your phone starts beaming EVEN MORE ENERGY INTO YOUR SKULL.
• More cell phone towers means your phone uses LESS energy to transmit (and your battery lasts longer too, which does me little good as I then am more likely to have to listen to whatever hypocritical conversation you happen to be having on your radiation transmission device).

And Board of Sups, be forewarned: San Francisco has 7081 bachelor and college degrees per square mile, the highest in the country. Even in your district, Mr. Campos: the 94110 holds over 18,000 residents (34%) with at least a 4 year degree that are capable of the most rudimentary critical analysis of your record and not voting for you again. (Not that you need a degree to figure this out.)

(image via Bernalwood)

As Senator Daniel Moynahan once said, “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.”

Corollary:  Science: it works, bitches. (XKCD)

As for what you can do, follow the lead of Bernalwood:

Supervisor Avalos will hold a hearing on his proposal today at 1 pm in front of the City’s Land Use Committee. If you can’t attend the meeting (because you have, you know, a job and a life) public comment can be submitted via Alisa Somera in the Clerk’s office at 415.554.4447 or Alisa.Somera@sfgov.org. (NOTE: Be kind to Alisa, please. The legislation isn’t her idea, nor her fault.)

Diatribe off. Back now to your regularly scheduled hipster news.

Do you want to protect your right to throw an alcoholic energy drink themed flash dance party in the park without being hassled by the po-po? Who doesn’t?

Well now is your chance to be heard in front of the people that make these decisions:

Dolores Park Works has organized a community meeting to discuss safety, law enforcement and 19th & Dolores has been set. The big day is just two days away, Wednesday, September 1st, from 6:00-8:00, at Mission High School cafeteria, which is located across from the tennis courts in Dolores Park (entrance to cafeteria off of Dolores & 18th).

We will be covering:

• 19^th & Dolores pedestrian safety & proposed changes
• Park patron safety and law enforcement

Get to work folks, you have about 30 hours to formulate a convincing argument about how we live in a police state and that NIMBYs are harshing your mellow, man. See you there!

More info at DPW, thanks to Andy B. for the gentle reminder

In a fitting development to all the drama that’s been happening over at the most popular sandwich place in the Castro, Ike’s Place will actually be staying open–for now.  Media outlets such as the Bay Citizen and Grub Street were accounting earlier that Ike’s had finally been ultimately slain by a morning court ruling.

However, as vegansaurus’ on-the-scene correspondent Steve reports, Ike’s eviction has been indefinitely suspended, due to a technicality!  Take it away, Steve:

I’m standing at Ike’s Place for my final order, and Ike just came out and announced triumphantly, “we’re not closing!” So here we go. The landlord evicted the wrong entity: Ike and his mom, instead of the corporation named Ike’s Place. So, he gets a new day in court, on a technicality. And the sheriff agrees: a stay of execution!

 The show goes on.  SFist was on it too.

[Photo by slowpoke_sf]

Now for some bad news from the Castro:  Ike’s Sandwiches received an eviction notice from the SF Superior Court.  It seems that the popularity of the place finally caught up with it and that all of Mr. Shehadeh’s attempts to placate the demands of his NIMBY neighbors were for naught.  Which is a shame, because he definitely tried.  To wit:

1. A ventilation hood required by the City for all sandwich delis was prevented from being installed due to a lack of a permit (which is provided by the City)
2. His workers started working later (at 8:30am) so they wouldn’t disturb the morning slumber of neighbors
3. Despite being served with a fine of $250 per day by the City, he decided to remain open and pay the fine on top of normal operating costs and employee salaries

And let’s not forget how those same NIMBY neighbors originally tried to extort Ike for a million dollars!  The eviction is scheduled to take place on August 26th.  Hopefully Ike will be able to find another location nearby.  Do yourself a favor and try a Menage a Trois before then.

[Photo by slowpoke_sf]

Previously:

Ike’s Sandwiches Coming to the Mission… In Vending Machines?

That is, if one particular NIMBY neighbor has his or her way.  The Attic has endured as one of the best places in the Mission to get a cheap drink and sweat the night away while dancing to frenetic DJs who know their shit.  It’s also one of the best places to get so hammered that you black out and wake up the next morning in a room full of exquisite hats, but that’s a story for another time.

Unfortunately, one neighbor is so fed up with the hot tunes that he is resorting to a lawsuit in order to squelch all the fun.  He is suing the Attic for personal damages because he can’t sleep at night, focusing on the technicality that the bar is not allowed to play any music since it doesn’t have a cabaret license.   Without a cabaret license, the Attic is on the hook for a $1000 fine should the cops deign to show up for a noise complaint. 

Since it doesn’t appear that an amicable solution can be reached without the NIMBY in question moving out of the Mission to quieter digs (ask Ike’s about that one), it seems that only a legal battle will ultimately determine the fate of DJs at the Attic.

So, should you get the opportunity, contribute to the Attic legal defense fund by stopping by to swig some Racer 5.

[Photo by flatsol]

Previously:

Indie Slash at the ATTIC tonight!!!

The Attic and Clooney’s: San Francisco’s Best Dives

Rock ‘n’ Roll Revolution Early Evening Rooftop Concert at 24th and Mission