Q: How do you protect your brand new Benz when parking in the mission?

A: With padded car diapers!

Apparently auto armor has evolved beyond the sports (car) bras of yesteryear, but added protection still comes with a price – the price of uglifying your ride with car diapers. Watch out for the “Bump Shox” box up front though – that thing looks like a battering ram!

While not everyone has been in favor of the new parklets and in-street bicycle parking going up in recent months around Valencia, furious that treasured automobile parking spaces are lost as a result, this is the first case of bicycle rack rage that I’ve seen so far.  Obviously, any bike parked here would have been obliterated.  Hopefully this violence won’t begin to extend towards cyclists as well!

Oh, too late.

Imagine enjoying an Improved Whiskey Cocktail along with a Margherita with Burrata at Beretta when your pal informs you that your motorcycle parked out front was just knocked over by a car.  That’s what happened to this fellow on the right, who immediately came outside to inspect the damage.  The woman on the left had been attempting to exit the above parking spot when she backed into the bike, and wouldn’t have noticed had it not been for the protestations of those waiting outside for a table at the popular establishment.  The following exchange ensued:

Biker: “Oh shit.  Oh shit shit shit.  Ahmm, I’m going to need your information, ma’am.”

Driver: “And I’m going to need your information too.”

Biker: “What?”

Driver:  ”Well, you were parked illegally behind me, and I didn’t see your motorcycle when I tried to back out of this space.”

Biker: “What?”

I didn’t stick around to witness the resolution of the conflict, but I’m certain that you dear readers can weigh in with regard to the logistics of this operation.  You’ve already told us why it’s really bad for scooters to get knocked over, so I can only hope this ended well.

But MrEricSir suspects Ivan Reitman’s involvement, and I concur — note the proximity to the Slimer Tree that Ariel discovered on 15th St.

If only the meters were a series of pastel colors, then we could blame Warhol’s ghost.

UPDATE: Perhaps someone is protesting, as Chicago saw last year?

Maybe it’s the shut-down-Valencia-to-cars movement embodying Burnham’s ghost — his 1905 plan for SF had two long, giant parks, one down Capp and the other along 23rd:

What the Christ? Since when is it ok to enclose a golf cart in orange sheet metal just so you can score some dubious parking?

Spotted on Valencia between 19th and 20th.