If you guessed BART Boner, then you’re wrong! That was posted in 2008 so it doesn’t count. Although, admittedly it’s still up there. Probably because we make way too many off-hand jokes re-linking it. We really should stop doing that. After this post, I mean.

5. FDA to ban Four Loko Nationwide

It used to be at every corner store, now you can only find it in the stockpile under Andrew Sarkarati’s coffee table. Four Loko became national sensation among party people in 2010. Why? It was cheap, first of all. In this economy we all need to cut corners wherever we can. It was also ironic, which is apparently an excellent reason to do anything this year. Perhaps most importantly, it’s loaded with alcohol. This malt beverage contains about twice the alcohol as your typical brew-dog and had a flavor that can only be described as carbonated liquified jello shots.

So why is the government and media being such a drag, man? The stuff is a allegedly marketed to kids. Check out all those fruity flavors and colorful packaging! They might as well serve that swill out of foil-lined bags like Capri Sun. Our own Ariel Dovas even saw the a youngster going loco over Loko on MUNI. The idea of kid-friendly alcoholic beverages isn’t exactly anything new. When I was a young pup trying to fit in, I thought beer was totally gross. The solution? Zima. Dizgusting.

So farewell to Four Loko, we hardly knew you. Say hi to Sparks for us in drinky heaven.

4. Spurned Scenester Sullies Sightly Street Art

Local tagger KKKatie is no stranger to controversy, what with the whole scribbling quasi-racist stuff on public and private property. She also apparently doesn’t care much for our 25th president William McKinley. That is, like, so anti-American.

This year she drew the most ire in the Mission when she enhanced a Chris Lux mural with her own artistic vision inspired by what you might see scrawled on the door of a high school bathroom stall. Apparently there was some kind of beef between the two. The mural was restored in one day, but still, this marked the beginning of the end for KKKatie. She was condemned by the street art community and her friends. Finally, at Bay to Breakers, she was caught allegedly spray painting on a dude and threatening to accuse him of rape if he did anything about it. In the end, she was acquitted of any actual hate crime charges, but got slapped with 11 counts of vandalism.

Of course, as with anyone you put in the spotlight for a bit, KKKatie has her fans, crediting her as some kind of disutopian, punk-rock folk hero. But most of us think she’s more likely a chemically imbalanced young lady off her meds. I suppose only she (and perhaps her lawyer) knows for sure.

Official Mission Mission KKKatie trial correspondent Aaron Sunshine attended the trial of possibly crazy, probably racist KKKatie Dunbar today and brings us the following news:

ok went to the trial today and she appeared towards the end of the docket. nothing really happened- she showed up, looking tired with a weird smile on her face, and the lawyers talked for a second before deciding to do some sort of continuance (I think?) that delayed the trial date until October 1st. So as far as I understand, she will be in jail for a while longer.

Previously:

KKKatie Upppdate 

The angry young lady that defaced that Chris Lux mural and a wall near 20th and Valencia was caught in the act during Bay To Breakers this weekend after she allegedly bit a police officer and tried to spray paint a dude.

Katherine “KKKatie” Dunbar now faces a double-whammy of vandalism and hate crime charges. Bummer for all her apparent fans on MM. Count me out of those, though. I only support Brangelina-approved street art.

Full scoop on SFAppeal.

Previously:

Spurned Scenester Sullies Sightly Street Art

Fuck Quiet! B Loud! Know ur Enemy!

High school flashbacks available at 20th and Valencia.

Previously:

Spurned Scenester Sullies Sightly Street Art

Sightly Street Art Restored in a Flash!