Clampdown in Dolores Park


The clampdown is on. First they started denying us our God-given right to Tecate, and now this. SFPD yesterday deployed a mobile guard tower in Dolores Park, apparently in an effort to ward off those who would dare to have a little bit of wine with their hummus and pita.

In today’s Mission Station Newsletter, Captain Stephen Tacchini says, “It was not an easy decision, but weighing the rise in instances of vandalism and public drunkenness against the safety of neighborhood families, the call was made. As the weather gets nicer, the crowds get bigger — and rowdier.” He goes on to urge us to think of the tower not as a symbol of a move toward police state, but as a temporary and experimental solution to a pressing problem.

Author Stephen Elliott has started assembling a counterattack. His new blog, Free Dolores Park, is leading the charge with a letter-writing campaign, and already has statements up from prominent area business owners.

Now, I love Dolores Park. I love it madly even without a tallboy in my hand. But this is like something out of science fiction. Something must be done. As Elliott’s blog reminds us, “It’s YOUR Dolores Park.”

Photo by David Cole.

23 Responses to “Clampdown in Dolores Park”

  1. sangroncito says:

    This is an outrage and goes against the spirit of San Francisco, the Mission and Dolores Park. It is nothing less than a police state tactic. The watchtower must go!

  2. coffeeburger says:

    free case of tecate to the first person who burns down the little piggies clubhouse.

  3. mj says:


  4. April Fool says:

    Ya know… I was actually not that bummed when I read this (before I realized it was a joke). I live on the park and came home yesterday to a shit load of trash left on the hill between 18th and 19th, not to mention some lovely people who left a bag of beer cans, beer boxes and trash next to the tree in front of my house. Maybe we do need some policing for the groups of people who treat the park like its their personal trash can since they can’t seem to take care of “Their Dolores Park”…

  5. Jennifer says:

    Thank god, I hate april fool’s day, ha.
    I wish the Bay to Breakers BS was a joke too…

  6. Jeremy Hatch says:

    I’m so glad this is a joke. I cannot imagine Dolores Park without beer. April Fool is right tho, some people just have no manners.

  7. Leanne says:

    Man, I am so gullible. I will believe anything.

  8. johnny0 says:

    Any tower would get tagged before it was finished.

  9. vic says:

    I propose we all move to Patricia’s Green in Hayes Valley.

  10. Deano says:

    I’m am so very easily outraged. Thanks for pushing my button (FOOLS!).

  11. K. Holden says:

    Damn. I must admit to being fooled. Now I’m just worried that you’re giving them *ideas*.

  12. olu says:

    Love it!

    I would like to echo the above the comments. We do need a better solution for the trash problem. When the wind picks up after a nice day the entire neighborhood gets trashed.

  13. sangroncito says:

    Oh my god…..I fell for this….I get a big sucker award.

  14. yerba buena gardens rulez.

  15. Stephen says:

    This is awesome. Thanks!

  16. April Fool says:

    I am thinking I am going to ask the local corner stores and Bi-Rite to post a sign asking people to have fun in the park, but please pick up your trash and make sure it gets into a trash can, even if that means walking an extra block… This could have an effect… Maybe.

  17. zinzin says:

    nice one, Allan. Elliott reference lent a real air of… credibility, too.

  18. chris k says:

    LOL! you really had me going for a minute.

  19. tk says:

    IIRC, wasn’t it last year’s Borders/Zeitgeist April Fool’s post that first catapulted Mission Mission to blog fame?

    Well-played, Sir, well-played.

  20. Allan Hough says:

    Dude, I totally figured out what IIRC meant without having to Google it. I win!

  21. C. says:

    dude, i was actually going to see if my comments got deleted from elliot’s site!
    but now i think we should build the Tecate Tower – no, not mirrored SOMA condo highrise, but an elevated mobile in-park chill lounge, with the best view, unobstructed by the derriers of others….. and in the shape of a giant tecate can!

  22. I was about to go into a seizure, thank god this is a hoax.

  23. Walter says:

    Any chance someone might be interested in helping sponsor an upgraded bathroom with a trough toilet for dudes (and whatever girls need to speed up their lines, funnels maybe…).

    While we’re at it let’s sponsor a larger trash receptacle with evening pickup on warm sunny days.

    Park services aren’t rocket science.

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