Behold the titillating secret messages hidden within Mission bar names

Last month we took a look at the wild messages hidden in Mission street names. Today, bar names. Behold:

Simian Bros = Mission Bar
Calamine Lubricant = Latin American Club
Teat Itch = The Attic
Be Nerds = Benders
Never Have Tits = Thieves Tavern
Origami Solvers = Virgil’s Sea Room
Swell Host = Shotwell’s
Some Death = Homestead
Smallish Onion Silo = Mission Hill Saloon
Bye, Jean = Jay ‘n’ Bee
Open Mall = Lone Palm
Cold Cocks = Doc’s Clock
Tubby Area = Beauty Bar
Bland Tic = Blind Cat
Thirty-Machete Cheddar Element = Dr. Teeth
Trick God = Trick Dog

Highlight the list to see translations. Which ones are most appropriate?

["Never Have Tits" photo by Maggie]

7 Responses to “Behold the titillating secret messages hidden within Mission bar names”

  1. rectilinear says:

    I can’t get over how fantastic “Thirty-Machete Cheddar Element” is.

  2. lover says:


  3. Rhiannon says:

    Swell Host!

  4. MrEricSir says:

    Well, know I have an amazing new nickname for Doc’s Clock.

  5. Mobity Mosely says:

    The Lexington Club = Bottle Lunching Ex

  6. Anarchist in $300 Jeans says:

    No that many nerds at Benders