Late Saturday night my buddy Malcolm bought nine bacon-wrapped hot dogs for a party of four people, only two of which were actually hungry. I ate half of one and took another to go. I popped it in the fridge and forgot about it until just now. And now I’m hungry.
Let’s talk logistics: I’ve got a can of Tecate and a bag of maple-bacon Kettle Chips on the side, and a vintage KronnerBurger placemat/menu in case there’s any spillage. And I’m listening to the Gooch Palms album for moral support.
I’ll update this post as the project progresses. Okay here I go…
UPDATE (12:54): All the fixins’! Looks not too bad. Smells great! Feels real cold, fresh from the fridge.
UPDATE (12:58): First bite! Tastes great! Plenty of mayo, which is a must. Cold hot dog basically tastes like bologna, as you know. Not bad! Into it!
Yum! It even looks good!
DAMN, the Gooch Palms rule! You should read my post about them from over the weekend in case you missed it.
UPDATE (1:01): Uh oh, a momentary twinge of heartburn!
UPDATE (1:03): First bite of jalapeno! Still nice and hot!
UPDATE (1:04): I’ve got two likes on my Instagram post about this undertaking, and two comments, one of which, from my pal Christina, who always tells it like it is, is: “Gross tho.” Yup!
I’m really glad I’ve got this Tecate.
UPDATE: (1:06): Just kidding, I’m totally loving this. I’m really surprised the bun is totally intact. Virtually zero sog. Even though there is a LOT of mayo (and other sauces and vegetable-related moisture), none of it got into the bun! Science!
UPDATE (1:08): The heartburn comes and goes.
The maple-bacon Kettle Chips pairing was unplanned, I just happened to have them lying around, but it’s pretty good. Contrasting the savory bacon dish with the sweeter bacon dish is fun.
UPDATE (1:09): I just burped! And man, it was a big one!!
UPDATE (1:13): The burp cleared out plenty of room for my to finish the rest of the dog. Here’s proof I’m almost done:
UPDATE (1:15): I had to spit out some inedible bacon gristle, no big deal. About to take that last bite!
UPDATE (1:16): Taking the final bite as, appropriately, the Gooch Palms beautiful album closer “Don’t Cry” plays. Yum! Swallowed it and burped again!
Okay, I did it! No ill effects really. I can’t believe it took me a whole 31-minute album to eat a hot dog, but whatever. Seriously, listen to this album, it’s on Spotify and stuff.
I guess I’ll update again if there’s any blowback, but I don’t anticipate any.
Thanks for your support!