Medjool: Multiple Species of Douche

Went to Medjool again last night. My third visit and my second visit on a Saturday, “International Night.” I made a movie about this experience, during which I was not drunk or high at all, obviously. In the included movie, you can see that we walked for-EV-uh to get there and got distracted tobogan acuatico hinchable along the way quite a bit. In fact, most of the story consists of the Walking to Medjool Adventure. Finally we arrived to find, as suspected, douchebags galore. The movie includes a psychologist’s analyzation of douchebags, security douchebags specifically.

The Trenchcoat Patrol security guards at Doucheb Medjool are on a collective power trip. I felt at any given moment, no matter what I was doing, that it was wrong. That I shouldn’t be standing/sitting/dancing where I was or talking to who I was or recording what I was. I was approached by security guards no less than five times over the course of two hours and told that whatever I was doing at that moment was not allowed. At one point, they actually broke up a hug.

There was pretty good music this time due to DJ Cairo spinning but the crowd was as douchey as it was last Saturday night. My findings are that Medjool is clean, well decorated, and high-end, which means that douchebags are attracted to it.

Previously on Mission Mission: Medjool: Light on the Douchebag, Please

28 Responses to “Medjool: Multiple Species of Douche”

  1. katie says:

    so why do you keep going back?

  2. s. says:

    I sometime go to this place for lunch, purely because the food is damned good. But while I’m waiting I sometimes hang out on the 2nd floor and muse at the poorly choosen (douchebag) furnishings with a faux-crushed velvet texture. The great thing about this material is that it leaves a record (read: ass-print) of the last loser from the a.m. closing. Most often the prints are quite wide and have the distinct pattern of what appears to be acid-wash.

  3. da real mission says:

    classic haterism. so you continue to go to a bar to make fun of it’s patrons even though said bar is ur typical, ala-casanova mission bar. the only difference is they dress better at medjool and the guys won’t talk to you because the girls at medjool are prettier and more interesting than you. congrats on ur PHD.

  4. Allan says:

    i don’t like casanova either

  5. Lola Haze says:

    Hey, I’m a serious social scientist, man. Douchebaggery is a documented disease.

    I don’t make the statistics, buddy, I just report ‘em.

  6. Rich says:

    I wish I hadn’t invested my time watching this. You know what’s even worse than douchebags (and I hate douchbags) are the Missionites who invest their time inventing themselves as “authentic” “real” “subcultural”… If you have skinny jeans, a retro T-shirt, or a fixie… you my friend are the local mission douchebag. Congrats. I’m moving the f*** out of the mission as soon as I can to avoid the medjool douches, and the missionite douches, but don’t worry, this little quip is as far as I will go. I won’t waste more of your or my time being clever with a little negative documentary.

  7. Haggie says:

    Medjool is full of douchebags and the skanks that love them since the day it opened. I think they are drawn to the mediocre food, over-priced drinks, and insufferably rude staff. And, sadly, anyone that didn’t know this by 2008 is either a douche himself or just a plain idiot…

  8. MBZ says:

    While Medjool IS full of douchebags this guy should count himself as one of them for walking around recording people that he feels are inferior to him.

  9. Wow. I am absolutely blown away at all the commentors who’ve taken this seriously. My “documentary” was reeking of satire, probably most notably evident where I made it clear to my fans that I was high at the time.

    And don’t forget, I didn’t just make fun of Medjool and douchebags, I also made fun of Arabs, fake tans, myself, drunk people, and picked a fight with the star of my film because he littered a gum wrapper.

  10. s. says:

    Lola, it’s not that we take it seriously. More like we’re applauding the recognition that, satire or not, Medjool is patronized by douchebags and gave people’s observations and discontent a voice. I work a couple of blocks away and my response has nothing to do with a mish subculture, retro t-shirts or skinny jeans (the characterization is quite a scream!) but it has everything to do with the fact that a lot of the people, not all, that hang out there are indeed douchebags and aren’t a positive influence on ANY neighborhood.

  11. Kings of SF says:

    Medjool is frustrating. The food is great, the roof deck is awesome, and the owner is generous about having political events there. But damn those douchebags!

  12. Chester says:

    Satire or no satire, you’re late to the hate. Medjool has had a lame scene for some years now. Personally, I don’t think it’s a “Marina in the Mission” thing — that’s Bruno’s — but something slightly different. Have never been able to put my finger on it…I just know that the crowd at Medjool has always struck me as weird.

    Whatever. I do love going there during daylight hours, before it gets into its swing. Can’t beat the view.

  13. eastsidestory says:

    I can see the musical now, East Side Story:

    “When you’re a douche,
    You’re a Douche all the way
    From your first Friday’s Cocktail
    To your last dyin’ day.

    When you’re a douche,
    If the spit hits the tan,
    You got douches around,
    You’re a douchebag man! “

  14. Evan says:

    Food is terrible. C’mon guys.

  15. Allan says:

    i’ve never been to medjool, and i guess i’m inclined not to like it because of things i’ve heard and the way it looks, but i like that it’s there. i like the rest of the mission mile much better, but it’s nice that it gets broken up by this weird little pocket of something different.

    also, i get that people like it because of the roof. that’s quite a selling point. how come there aren’t more rooftop destinations in the neighborhood?

  16. katie says:

    im inclined not to like it when i’ve stood outside of it at 2am waiting for my bacon wrapped hotdog, and the cabs wouldn’t even pick up it’s patrons. One even stopped for them, took a good look at them, and then drove off as they were trying to open the doors.

  17. [...] Medjool: Multiple Species of Douche [YouTube] Went to Medjool again last night. My third visit and my second visit on a Saturday, “International [...] [...]

  18. I couldn’t agree more! A friend and I often talk about making Douche Bingo Cards so we can at least make a game of it when we go to places like this and Double Douche on 16th.

  19. Allan says:

    keep in touch. if mission douche bingo cards ever hit the market, mission mission will definitely want to cover the story

  20. Jesse! says:

    QUIET Schlomo, you’re giving away our secrets!!!

    Then there was the time I was outside of Medjool and Lazlo at closing time and you could see a distinct buffer of about three feet between the douchebags and hipsters… I felt like I was between two dimensions!

  21. booyah says:

    Allan, how’s this douchebag bingo card for a start?

  22. Allan says:

    that one’s ok. a little too broad to make me lol or anything

  23. booyah says:

    it’s a start. but ya gotta give me points for david blaine and the flag pin.

  24. Del Monte says:

    The film starts with a huge d-bag, and then it finally gets to Medjol’s d-bags.

    How about in the future you post a list of the bars you are going to and I’ll avoid those places to make sure i don’t walk into your d-bag friend.

  25. me says:

    ok, i admit when i went there i was under-whelmed, food wasn’t as good as I expected, a lot of the people weren’t that friendly, the roof was way too crowded…but I would still go back. this video is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. It looks like any club anywhere – stupid security, crowded, lines, people having drama outside. so if you’re gonna say there’s douchebags there at least give us proof? it seems like the only douchebag in this is the one behind the camera. and don’t go to a place with a mideastern/international theme and make fun of arabs…wtf is wrong with you? bringing along your self-hating arab friend was real cute, saying only arabs fight when you were outside.
    give me a break.

  26. [...] bouncers can check zip codes at the door (110 or go!) or submit potential drinkers to some sort of Mission Mission content [...]

  27. rachel says:

    sorry, this video is boring. i agree that medjool is a lame scene, but i found the directors equally annoying. i couldn’t bring myself to watch the whole thing, so maybe it got better, but i doubt it… as for the word “douchebag,” it’s officially a cliche. it’s too bad because it’s a great word. oh well…

  28. Am I too late to comment? Seems like I’m about 9 months behind everyone else. I suppose what I really wanted here was an examination into this loosely associated class we call “douchebag.” I mean, what is it to be the D-bag. I use it all the time. Whatever it means to me (and I really haven’t properly explored it yet) I’m pretty sure that word sums up all the things I want to say about whomever I am commenting on. But jeesus, I’ve been called a D-bag too though I’m sure, by appearance and association, I’d be more typed in the hipster catagory. Hmm, I may need to get deeper into this.

  29. [...] Medjool: Multiple Species of Douche « Mission Mission [...]

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