Smug Californians on what life must be like in Texas

Lillian (not pictured) is from Texas, just like our pal Carlos (pictured). Apparently this sort of thing happens all too often:

Smug Californian: “So where are you from?”

Me: “Texas.”

Smug Californian: (In a tone that reeks of satisfaction with the smell of one’s own flatulence) “I’m so sorry. That must have really sucked.” [link]

So that’s a bummer. Smugness is the worst! (And Texas is pretty fun.)

[Photo by Corntard]

65 Responses to “Smug Californians on what life must be like in Texas”

  1. whatever says:

    That does happen all the time.. I normally don’t take this as smugness.. but as ignorance. Texas is a lot of fun, and super diverse / open place.

    • gtfo says:

      Cool, when are you moving back?

      • pillowfarts says:


        • Jaurito says:

          preeeecisely. I fuckin hate home town pride for shitty places that you couldn’t high tail it out of fast enough. This includes Mexico Vatos. I’m from Tyler, then Fort Worth, Then Dallas. Fuck all of those shitty towns and that state with a big black novelty dildo.

          • richkidspoorclothes says:

            dallas, tyler, and fort worth are all southern oklahoma, and you sir are clearly an okie agent provocateur

      • whatever says:

        Well with friendly open minded people like you, and pillow farts.. I don’t know how I could ever move back!

    • JJ says:

      And at least you may actually afford a home there and not be a renter/serf for the rest of your life.

      • Jaurito says:

        I know what you mean! Detroit also has a buyers market when it comes to real estate, so does Sudan and the Gaza Strip. All great places to settle down.

  2. Nick Pal says:

    My friend Joe tells this great story about a conversation he had with someone at a bar in SF.

    Patron: where are you from?
    Joe: Texas
    Patron: I would never go to Texas. No offense, it’s just…there are people there who would judge me without ever having met me.
    Joe: o_O

  3. I’ve definitely seen that kind of smugness, but I’d say it’s pretty common. When I tell people I’m from Tennessee I get that same kind of shit. But when I travel around and say I’m from SF, people treat me like some hippy communist.

    Wherever you may find yourself, someone’s gonna want to turn it into a political discussion of some sort.

  4. NVJ says:

    I have lived in Texas. It sucks. The best parts are about as much fun as Walnut Creek and most of the state is about as nice as Fresno on a hot day.

    • Shartfirstaskquestionslater says:

      Austin=Walnut Creek? You’ve either never been to Austin, or never been to Walnut Creek.

      • Allan Hough says:

        I’ve never been to Walnut Creek but I LOOOOOVE Austin. If this is true, I need to get myself to WC ASAP!

        • Brillo says:

          SXSW doesn’t count. It’s like saying you love being stranded in the Nevada desert, when really you’ve just been to Burning Man.

      • Jaurito says:

        Austin is OOOOOKAAAAAY. Its SF with out any of the beauty, weed laws or nice people. so… yeah super sweet.

        • Snake Plissken says:

          What??? Without nice people??? You clearly haven’t been there. People say hi and ask how you are and if you’re doing ok even if you’re in the midst of stealing their cab (or the equivalent, since cabs are scarce).

          And without beauty? Have you spent time in Barton Springs?

          • Jaurito says:

            Yeah dude. I’ve been there. I grew up going to Austin. It’s smug self importance because its the only city in Texas worth a shit is palpable. Barton Springs, hmm that sounds like not Austin. Somewhere near though eh? Austin, the city it self, nothing pretty but the sunsets.

          • nonnie22 says:

            It’s easy to tell Juauito has NOT been to Austin … probably he’s been on I-35 and thinks that counts. You’re right, Barton Springs is lovely as is Zilker Park and Willie’s Backyard. Well, the Backyard isn’t lovely but you get what I mean.

          • Brandy says:

            @Juarito… grew up in Austin and you don’t know where Barton Springs is?? It’s slap in the middle of the city! Ever heard of Zilker Park or does that sound like it’s “somewhere near Austin” also?

  5. Brock Keeling says:

    Get a rope.

  6. Adam says:

    Born and raised in Houston where I lived for 22 years. Spent many, many, MANY a drunken, drugged-out night in Austin. Both cities suck unless you like hot weather, driving, pollution, ugly landscapes, and jean shorts. As I tell people, it’s like LA, but with more cigarettes and no show business. Also, Shiner Bock barely qualifies as beer.

    • Tobias says:

      +1 for jean shortz.


    • Shartfirstaskquestionslater says:

      Yeah, and SF is just gays, douche bags, hipsters and techies. You’re just proving the point this post is making, which is that lame summations (such as yours, Austin is “like LA, but with more cigarettes and no show business”) is short-sighted and smug.

      • Tobias says:


      • Adam says:

        Yes, SF is just gays, douche bags, hipsters, and techies. And except for your type (the douche bags), the gays, hipsters, and techies are exactly the type of people I want to be around. Summations aren’t lame, short-sighted, or smug. They cut to the heart of the issue and make PC jerks like yourself uncomfortable.

        Also, Tobias, ur hawt. Wanna hop on my Segway?

        • Shartfirstaskquestionslater says:

          Ah yes, there’s nothing wrong with stereotypes (i.e. broad generalizations or short summations), just go ask your nearest black guy.
          Also, thanks for proving my point by actually agreeing with my LAME generalization that SF is just gays, douche bags, hipsters and techies. Yeah, that picture really cuts to the heart of the issue of SF. How old might you be, 19?

          • Adam says:

            “How old might you be, 19?” says the guy whose handle is Shartfirstaskquestionslater.

            So what’s truer, that we’re all the just same, man, and no one can be typecast, because, like, we’re all just people living on the Earth?

            Or that SF is 15.4% queer compared with 4.4% in Houston:

            Or that the technology sector is a dominating force in the Bay Area compared with the energy industry in Houston. (Techies vs. Oil/Gas people)

            I’m summarizing facts, asshole. As someone who’s lived in Houston for 22 years, SF for 13, I know these things firsthand. Houston is a shit hole compared with SF.

          • Shartfirstaskquestionslater says:

            You’re a fucking idiot. I never said anything about Houston, never been there. I take issue w/your idiotic claim that Austin is like LA and that sf is basically gays, dbags, and hipsters. I’d feel sorry for your outlook on life if you weren’t such a dipshit.

      • thanks says:

        many of us don’t have a problem with gays.

  7. I love Texas! SXSW, the band Spoon and Food For Lovers Vegan Queso come from Texas. Plus, aren’t armadillos the coolest? Things I don’t like come from there too, but I’d rather focus on the fun stuff. OH YEAH! LONE STAR BEER. <3

  8. Hater says:

    How can you tell which Texas girls are virgins? They are the ones that can out run their brothers.

  9. GG says:

    My hometown is better/misunderstood/sucks! You’re wrong that Place A is better/worse than Place B, Place B totally has [list of great/terrible things] that Place A has/lacks!

  10. stencil says:

    San Francisco, home to bitter misfit toys from around the world. At least the miserable formative years of these folk provide an excuse for their provincialism. I don’t know what to make of provincial natives– they must be either so poor that they can’t travel or so bland that they can’t see the good in anyplace but home.

    • SFNative says:

      Not quite, we’ve simply seen too many former residents of Texas and the like bring their rampant douchebaggery to our fair city.

  11. Den says:

    As a lifelong Texan I can painfully agree with the negative vibes directed at my state. Austin is a lovely place full of progressive thinkers. But it is an uncommon oasis surrounded by a sea of accepted ignorance powered by conservative theology and outdated thinking. All the other major urban cities have pockets of forward thinkers, but that’s more about survival than change.

    Hearing people fortunate enough to experience a more progressive community situation shit on the state is an unfortunate reality that is going to exist for a good long while. I don’t really expect understanding or require pity. Just please keep in mind that some of us arn’t that bad and we are trying to make a go of it here.

    And Lone Star really is Texas Pabst.

  12. Teddy says:

    Ha I know Carlos, he’s a nice guy and makes Texas look good. But maybe because he’s happy to be away?

  13. No fish today says:

    If you’ve never been to Austin, just go to Sacramento. Same shit, different state.

  14. SFKix says:

    Texas scares me!

  15. marcos says:

    There was no finer sight to my eyes than when I drove north on I-25 out of Texas 23 years ago in my pickup truck (1970, Datsun, sold to me for $50 by a lesbian) with everything I owned in the bed, seeing a sign reading “You are now entering Texas” through the gun rack reversed in the rear view mirror getting smaller and smaller and smaller…Texas sucks and Austin has always been the place in Texas that sucker the least.

  16. Really?! says:

    This frivolous bs is nothing more than elitism. “I’m smarter than those people. I live in a better place.” Texas has shit as well as beauty. It’s a simple arrogant fool that can not find good people and beauty in everyplace they go. I love sf and Austin too.

  17. marcos says:

    Fahr Aints (Fire ants).

  18. marcos says:

    And the thing about Shiner Bock is that you’ve got to drink it by the keg for it to properly take effect. When I was going to school in Austin in the 1980s, living in the late Ark Coop, my labor was to fill the beer machine, a repurposed glass bottle Coke machine, with Shiner Bock long necks. Your Ark front door key would activate the machine, and your four bits would get you a long neck 24/7. For our infamous parties, we’d order twenty or so kegs which would all be floated by the end of the night.

  19. I like SF more than the Texas city I came from. I honestly do. That doesn’t mean Texas is a shitty place, it’s just different. San Francisco happens to be different in a way that works better for me. The only thing I personally miss in Texas is authentic Cajun food brought over from our neighbors in Louisiana and barbeque done by people who actually know barbeque. But hey, I’m sure if I ever visit Texas in the future, I’ll miss the tasty Burritos of the Mission.

    • Tstar says:

      Agreed! Fellow Texan here. I love Cajun too. It’s a hard thing to find done right out here. Have you been to Cedar Hill Kitchen? They’ve got the closest thing going to Texas inspired Cajun and BBQ I’ve had in SF. I’d actually go ahead and say, they have it down.

  20. Tstar says:

    I’m from Texas and happy to be here, and will probably remain here forever because I love SF that much. This doesn’t mean that I totally hate Texas, it just wasn’t for me (for various reasons.) Since I’ve actually lived there, I personally feel that I’m more entitled to criticize my state than someone who has never. It’s as simple as that. No matter the former Texan’s opinion on their home state, they’re typically going to be annoyed when someone scoffs at them for being from Texas. It feels offensive to me because scoffing at Texas is the same as scoffing at Texans, ie my friends and family. I understand we are all entitled to our opinions on any place in the world, but maybe it would be easier to take the criticism if people were just less douchey about it. To simply say “Texas is scary.” sigh, how about America is scary? We are all kinda messed up and imperfect here in this country. Quit placing blame on one state or one part of the country…esp if you’ve never stepped foot outside of your state, town, country, whatever for however long. Oh and finally, please pardon my horrible grammar. Texas schools are not the best. :-P

    • D. Jon Moutarde says:

      Fair enough, but it’s been a very long time since you could get arrested for distributing sex toys in California, which is not the case in Texas. Although things appear to be getting better.

      • Tstar says:

        Interesting, I guess I never noticed that as being an issue when I lived there. I’m willing to bet that most Texans don’t even know about, or pay much attention to that law and that, like smoking weed, it’s just one of those things people somehow make work. Good to see that things are getting better though, haha!

  21. George says:

    The loudest guy in the coffee shop sets the local cultural standards. The skies are impressive…a turbulent canopy over a sea of banality.

  22. Brandy says:

    It warms my heart to see so many of you Californians hating Texas. There’s been this godawful trend of you guys coming here because everyone’s been telling y’all how wonderful Texas is.

    For the record, we are a state full of ignorant, gun-carrying homophobes. San Francisco is so much lovelier as is the rest of California. Our state is dirty, inbred and just generally shitty. You really don’t even want to waste your money visiting here! Colorado is so much better, or Oregon, or even Nevada!

    Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, blog it, facebook it, and tweet it. Texas SUCKS! It is a horrible, backward state that everyone should avoid at all costs! Yankees, Californians, politicians and flaming queers should definitely stay as far away as possible. It is too hot here and the people are extremely intolerant and ridiculously stupid.

    Again, please be sure to pass this information along to everyone you know.

  23. Jen says:

    Born and raised in Texas. Lived in the Dallas area for 23 years. I don’t especially miss it.

    Don’t get me wrong, the spring bluebonnets are charming and I will never turn down some artery clogging Texas cooking, but it’s an inhospitable wasteland barely suited to human habitation. It’s hot and humid and it stays that way from April until the end of October.

    San Antonio and Austin are quite tolerable, but the stereotype of idiots and homophobes wouldn’t exist if it didn’t have a grain of truth. A lot of people voted for Perry and it wasn’t just his hair that won them over. Nobody likes to admit just how backward their neighbors can be.

    It’s like Saudi Arabia with less camels and more Mexicans (nothing personal against people of a Hispanic persuasion). They say Allahu Akhbar, we say Praise th’ lawd!