Drew Goes to Dolores Park

Drew Hoolhorst, my new favorite San Francisco blogger, spent yesterday afternoon in Dolores Park:

I was hanging out this afternoon in Dolores Park and a few things dawned on me:

  1. Dolores Park is essentially the crowd for a Phish show that has no idea that Phish is not coming. And that they are not at a concert venue. And that it is, in fact, not legal to do drugs in downtown San Francisco. This is also why Dolores Park is mesmerizing and is also basically one big car accident that you cannot stop staring at. I was offered today (in no particular order) weed truffles, a banana cream pie, a small ukulele, a hula hoop lesson, a thick leather bracelet that went out of style in “always”, cold beer, water (ha! just kidding), and finally (my favorite): a couple’s demanding that we all watch them make out. Quick note about the couple. Hey guys, either start taking off some clothes or go home. Otherwise, all I’m getting is skinemax, and every time I try to fast forward it’s just the part where you have all your clothes on and give each other eskimo kisses. Wait, you’ve never seen that in a porn? Weird! Neither have I! This porn sucks.
  2. Swingsets and many other childhood games/playground items are essentially like putting your kid in a taxi cab in downtown Cairo with no seatbelt on, and then leaving them in the car while you light firecrackers and chuck them in the window while laughing. (No, I have never been to Cairo, but that’s just me assuming it’s dangerous while also possibly skewing towards “accidentally racist”)  (Link)

Other great entries:

He also has a pretty amazing twitter stream.

17 Responses to “Drew Goes to Dolores Park”

  1. davis says:

    ahh … makes me wish I were there

  2. loosecharm says:

    Great another snarky SF blog. Maybe Drew has found hos calling in saving the world from swingsets.

    Yawn, it’s early.

  3. ooeygooey says:

    Just a heads up: when the playground remodel is complete, it will have a low fence surrounding it and signs at every gate that say, “No adults allowed unless accompanied by a child.” So parents won’t only have to worry about actual pedophiles stealing their kids — they’ll have to worry about the drunk/stoned pedophile-looking hipsters abducting them in order to play on the swings.

  4. dave says:

    So just how many of these newjack idiots are going to keep doing the “OH WOW CRAZYYYY STUFF HAPPENS AT DOLORES PARK, ITS LIKE (insert terrible comparison here) I BETTER BLOG ABOUT IT!” thing?

    • Drew says:

      so just how many of these angry hipsters are going to do the whole, “oh god, i can’t believe someone judged us for our silly hipster antics. that’s so (fill in some crap they read off some pretentious blog no one has heard of and that’s why it’s better than you here” thing?

      just a joke man, same way you would probably make fun of me and whatever it is I do. let’s be friends. i’ll buy you a banana cream pie.

  5. daisy says:

    Drew is rad. It’s true.

  6. donald trumpet says:

    Drew is obviously a sex offender and a marijuana addict

  7. Kedzie Matthews was to Mr. Show as ________ is to Mission Mission.

  8. rachelpoweranimal says:

    kinda love it. kinda spent all yesterday morning reading it. kinda obsessively. one more person to blog/fb/twitter-stalk. party.

  9. Olivia says:

    You visited our neighbourhood park and found it lacking in every imaginable way.

    Why don’t you fuck off and leave us to it, then?

    • Drew says:

      If you can’t see the funny in that park, then I’m sad for you. I can love the place and also make fun of it. Did you go to Disneyland ever? In retrospect? Plenty is funny. Like the giant mouse I idolized. Same thing. Feel free to punch me in the nuts if you ever see me there, Olivia. I’ll high five you right after.

      (the thing is, it’s NOT lacking. it’s what a park should be…one big people watching spectacle.)

  10. Amazine site. BTW is it like a real park?

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