Mission Mission

Confusing humor from the kindergarten class on the 27 bus: “Knock knock!” “Your underpants!”

— Karina (@kvanscha) February 20, 2013

Our friend Joe spotted this hip little eatery, which has just established itself right next to Revolution Cafe. I don’t know about you, but I think I’m a little burnt out on all of these new restaurants opening up in the neighborhood.

Ex-Mission stand-up comic Chris Garcia has done us proud and popped up on the latest episode of Marc Maron’s WTF podcast. In the stand-up world, that’s basically like getting an interview on Letterman. Big things for this guy, I predict. One day I’ll proudly say, “man, I remember when he was working on that ‘homeless man who only speaks in early 90s song lyrics’ bit at the Dark Room.”

Apparently Chris isn’t only in LA to “make it”. His dad lives down there and has been struggling with Alzheimer’s so he moved to be closer to family. That totally sucks, obviously, but Chris manages to tell us all about it with the typical comic coping mechanism of hilarious jokes.

Here it is. Fast forward to the 30-minute mark for his segment, if you want to skip Andy Dick, who even sober manages to be a trainwreck.

[via WTF]

And here’s his bit on the Mission, because we like to re-watch it every couple of months:

I must be some kind of marketing genius, ’cause the first thing I thought when I saw that sign was that after Christmas they could easily modify it to sell to a breath mint company!

Voilà! The graphic mostly works too!

Our pal Sweet T (who shot the photo and wrote the above headline) explains:

This photo was shot yesterday around 2pm. A bus pulled up and dropped off all these elderly folks at Tacolicious. There are a couple theories floating around that might explain this: 1. They got lost on their way to Tartine OR 2. They’re filming the third installment of the Cocoon trilogy right here in the Mission.

They’re called Endgames Improv, the fun starts TONIGHT, and here’s what our in-the-know pal Jon Skulski has to say about them:

Two year old crew is moving to the mission, weekly shows thurs & friday. I’m doing some work with them and I’m very excited. They’re talented folks, on the level of Chicago & NYC. I think it’s gonna be a good scene.

Can’t wait! Here’s how the schedule breaks down:

Thursdays:

7:30 ($5) – Harold Night

9:00 ($10) – The Showcase

10:30 ($1) – The Improv Jam

Fridays:

7:30 ($5) – Free Range Fridays

9:00 ($10) – Confessions

10:30 ($0) – F!#&ing Free Fridays

Let it be known that previous hit tweet: “Korean daughter / Dolores Park” was written by @birdmeat and not a thieving buffoon such as myself

— vic wong (@vicwomg) September 24, 2012

Scandal!

The Golden Hour! First one is tonight! Our pal Julie from Penelope Popsicle is host and executive producer (and after seeing her work over at Oakland Nights… Live, we can guarantee this is going to be the bomb), our very own Andrew Sarkarati and Helen Tseng are co-hosting a little news segment, there’re free shots (!!!) and the house band is called the Hats! I can’t wait!

RSVP and invite your friends!

SF Comedy & Burrito Festival??? Comedy and burritos?? Makes sense kind of, I guess. But we asked festival co-founder Ameen Belbahri to explain for real:

As a San Francisco native and burrito aficionado I had always wondered why there were no events celebrating what I think is our greatest culinary contribution. I had thrown around the idea of having such a festival, but it just seemed too difficult logistically. At the time I was working at a comedy club part-time and was trying to figure out how to make a career out of it. Someone suggested I put together a comedy festival and somehow the two ideas merged in my brain. I told friends about it, usually under the guise of a “silly idea I had” until eventually their enthusiasm for the project convinced me that it was viable. [Co-founder] Jeff [Cleary] had also been tinkering with the idea of a comedy festival so we joined forces and thus the festival was born.

Hurray! And get this: early-bird tickets are available at early-bird prices for just another couple days, so best get on it! (They come with burrito vouchers, and after this week they go from $55 to $75. Events take place at various venues around the neighborhood.)

Last night, local funnyman Sean Keane competed in San Francisco’s first Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction event.

What is a “Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction”, you ask? Sean explains it:

The competition is split into two parts: in the first, contestants read prepared pieces of erotic fan fiction (topics last night included Animaniacs, Angry Birds, and the sitcom Family Matters). Before they read, contestants from the second round draw topics from a bag, and write their own pieces while the prepared works are read. Second-round topics included Watership Down, Carl Sagan’s Cosmos, and X-Men.

He may have been thrown a soft ball by drawing “Driving Miss Daisy”, but boy did he ever deliver with his epic “Riding Miss Daisy“. Here’s an excerpt:

Miss Daisy gazed at Hoke’s strong black hands, rough from years of gripping the wheel but surprisingly tender. Hoke swung into the right lane and accelerated past a slow-moving jalopy with ease, almost caressing the wheel as he made the pass. Miss Daisy unbuttoned the top button of her blouse, exposing a neck that hadn’t known the lips of a man since the Great Depression.

That’s about as clean as it gets. If you haven’t eaten recently, maybe you’ll want to read the rest of this very, very wrong piece of fiction here.

I don’t think there were any winners in this event.