Mission Mission

“Not Olive Garden”.@olivegarden: If you had to describe Italian food in three words, what would they be?

— Neil Hamburger (@NeilHamburger) August 9, 2012

Burn!

What a guy! (He’s in town making a movie with Woody Allen.)

From our Facebook page, we received a tip of a brand new combo offering in the neighborhood. Colleen O’Rourke says “A new local character has stepped onto The Mission stage”.

[photo by Mia Judkins]

This should be interesting. Plus, I hear Chris Garcia is moving to LA, so you better get your fill quick. RSVP and invite your friends!

I mean, they had me at naming a thing Duck Lake — but Mission CTRL went the extra mile and created some killer poster art (above) and a really killer trailer (below).

Here’s more:

DUCK LAKE is the world’s FIRST Ballet-Horror-Comedy! Written and produced by PianoFight’s sketch comedy troupe, Mission CTRL, it features choreography by the acclaimed Brian Gibbs of TAGsf, 3D shadow puppets, butchered Broadway numbers, and lots and lots and lots of ducks—who may or may not be murderous…

We saw their previous show a few months back and it was so good I was moved to write an actual multi-paragraph review of it. So I’m pretty sure Duck Lake will be an epic tour de force. And it opens tonight! At the Traveling Jewish Theater (on Florida between 17th and Mariposa, in the same complex as Z Space). Tickets here.

Friday night, with the shops closed, and while other people socialized in bars or at parties, a few of us walked the streets like creeps and browsed some promising future shopping opportunities. I now present to you:

THE MASK

Now you can dress like the titular character of the 1994 Jim Carrey film, based on the comic book of the same name! Somebody stop you! They can’t!!

THE BOOTY

Now you can have the booty you’ve always wanted, with cheeks clenched tight enough to turn a lump of coal into a diamond!

THE WATCHMEN

Now you can watch yourself watch a tiny monitor that displays a live feed of you squinting into an empty storefront to see what the hell is on the tiny monitor on the ground at the far side of the bare floor!

So much fun to be had out there!

No cover! And Chris Thayer is a fucking riot! And Oldies Night kicks in right afterward!

RSVP and invite your friends!

Local humorist Jon Skulski just published a fucking trippy-ass piece of Frasier fanfic:

Fraiser 3000 is a futuristic reimagination of the popular Cheers spinoff, Fraiser.

Set in the distant year 33,000, Fraiser finds himself in a bleak dystopian future ravaged by war, disease and terminator robots.

Tired of mistreatment and abuse, the robots have turned the tables on their masters, the humans. Self-organizing at an incredible rate, the terminators have driven humanity to festering cities, deep underground. Who can help those that  long for the sun and choke on the fetid air?

Humanity’s last hope: Dr. Fraiser Crane!

Read on, please.

P.S. In all seriousness, seriously, the Frasier finale was fucking good. I hadn’t watched the show in years, but I happened to tune into the final few minutes of the series because it aired right before something else I wanted to watch, and it slayed me. Give it a try.

Hey guys, don’t forget to go to Uptown Almanac‘s locally-sourced stand-up comedy show tonight. It’s all local comics! Sure, these folks might not be interviewed on WTF in the near future, but they will probably tell more jokes that are specific to your San Franciscan sensibilities, like “what is the deal with gum on the sidewalk” and “why are people in their mid-to-late 30′s in love with Sutro tower?” Plus, bragging rights. In 10 years you can say you saw them all before they had failed sitcoms.

It’s only $7 at the door and if you’re not ready to laugh the cover includes enough free PBR to make anyone funny.

Edit: It wasn’t my intention to trash these comics or Uptown Almanac, if that’s what came across. I was making some probably poor-taste jokes about careers in stand up comedy in general (too much listening to Mark Maron). I sincerely apologize if this was taken that way. We have supported these comics and this event before and think they are great. I will be there. Needless to say, I will not be performing comedy.

Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow? A: Fresh Prince (thanks, Dolores Park port-a-potty graffiti!)

— Helen Tseng (@birdmeat) June 10, 2012

LOL!