Tiffany Had a Bad Time at Dolores Park, Yelped About It

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I feel like this could easily be an Onion story in which a “journalist” interviews an irate suburbanite about their exaggeratedly bad time at Dolores Park and subsequent Yelp review.  Only this is real life:

#1 – Dont buy baked goods from people here, or breathe the air in general if you work at a job where you are drug tested. I was so stoned I couldnt function correctly for days (Please See Review of Delano’s IGA).

#2 – Wild, muddy dog runs wild and drops tennis ball soaked in mud/vomit/hell on my bare legs. Steph throws ball away. Rabid great dane thinks this is fun. Runs to another blanket with a dog and recruits him to join terror spree. Three minutes later, a pack of dogs are running amuck, knocking over margaritas, stepping on the packages of boys in neon blue speedos, slobbering on small children who scream in terror. The owners watch, nonplussed. So much for leashes. Lesson: I now have a love of muzzles and a renewed disgust for all varieties of balls.

#3 – Man wearing American Airlines headphones props himself above my lady friends and I and politely smiles, yet begins to masturbate. He finishes after we squeal and laugh and point. He decides to move closer down the hill to us and go for round two. Lesson: If this is the  ”view” and “culture” everyone is raving about, count me out.


16 Responses to “Tiffany Had a Bad Time at Dolores Park, Yelped About It”

  1. matteller says:

    Ha! She gave it two stars!

  2. Cosmic Amanda says:

    “a renewed disgust for all varieties of balls”

  3. blagguy says:


  4. binky says:

    Ouch. Stop judging us Tiffany L. – so we don’t have a fake lake like you do in Foster City; we make do.

  5. Marc says:

    Moral of the story? Keep Foster City in Foster City.

  6. Mission Mistaken says:

    Clearly I need to stop bringing my great dane, tennis balls, Van Halen and wet lube down to Dolores Park for a bit. Best to lay low, speedo. See you at Bernal Hill!

  7. carlos says:

    man what the hell. go back to foster city

  8. loosecharm says:

    I had never considered masturbating at Dolores Park.
    Now I have. And will.

  9. Dan says:

    I’m feeling proud right now.

  10. Donny says:

    plagiarized!!! francisco#hrid:D0QlxiC0l2oPpnRmhCJuIA

    so she’s kinda mean and apparently not that smart too!

  11. jayz says:

    This is not the only Yelp review “Tiffany L” has plagiarized. Her most recent Sears review was taken from someone else’s Yelp about the San Jose Sears. Who the hell goes around stealing other people’s Yelp reviews? To what purpose?

  12. chalkman says:

    Unfortunately for Foster City, there is neither a “Chevy’s” nor an “Applebees” in DP. How is a girl supposed to eat?

  13. desperatecharacter says:

    it sounds to me like she had the best park day ever & still has the need to bitch. ingrate!