Drunk Girls and Chicharrones

Ryan Farr of 4505 Meats finally picked a winner in our meat-related-story contest! It’s Melanie K! Here’s her story:

Easy. I’ve been a vegetarian for fourteen years, but every time my friend Alli and I get drunk at Elixir (which is less and less now, thank you douchebags) she tries to shove chicharrones down my throat. She has actually held them to my lips, gently applying pressure, while simultaneously carrying on a conversation with a group of new friends, because, as far as her logic goes, I will have to open my mouth sometimes.

Yes, we turn into eight-year-olds when we drink.

Anyway, I recently decided to give in and eat the meat, although slowly so I don’t puke and poop at the same time. I have had a few bites of prosciutto here and there, and the other night I stepped into Elixir (filled with d-bags, to the brim), and Alli was there. She looked H-A-P-P-Y-D-R-U-N-K and exclaimed, “Close your eyes and open your mouth!”

Read on!

Photo by pyrogenic.

14 Responses to “Drunk Girls and Chicharrones”

  1. bodah says:

    evenings that start off with, “Close your eyes and open your mouth!” never end well.

  2. bodah says:

    just finished reading. if the word “chicharrones” is replaced with the word “penises” the story would be a lot better.

  3. Ronbo says:

    Having worked at a bar, I saw a bazillion customers who would complain about all the douchebags in the place (and it being Union Street, there were plenty of ‘em). 90% of the time the complainer, after five or six drinks, turned in to a complete narcissistic whiny pushy annoying clueless entitled gigantic douchebag. And then the next customer would come along to complain about them.

  4. I think this is my most favorite picture, ever. She’s adorable.

  5. Alli says:

    Disclaimer: That photo is neither Melanie nor Alli!

  6. Having worked at a bar…blah, blah. Sounds like you’re just a d-bag. It’s ok, I’m a d-bag, too.

    Also, that pic is not me or Alli. Just some lucky chick with a bag of fried pork.

  7. lindylula says:

    You white girls be careful with those chicharones. All it takes is a little chicharon dust in your windpipe and you’re screwed.

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