Redweiser: The Next Four Loko

With all the heat Four Loko has been getting lately, it’s obviously only a matter of time before it winds up in court and dies the same death suffered by its spiritual predecessor, Sparks.  Fortunately, back when that former caffienated malt liquor titan was litigiously forced off the scene, our pal Stephen was already on top of a game-changing beverage innovation that has so far escaped public scrutiny. 

Behold, REDWEISER.  One-fourth Red Bull and three-fourths Budweiser, this is one energy alcohol that won’t be banned from stores anytime soon.  Your grandkids will probably be drinking it.  But not Ariel’s.

14 Responses to “Redweiser: The Next Four Loko”

  1. Allan Hough says:

    Shouldn’t it be called BUD BULL?

  2. olu says:

    some friends of mine used to drink High-Bulls, to get ready for their weekend bartender shifts. Half High Life, half Red Bull.

    it’s all just so gross.

  3. Christine says:

    But bud is a shitty beer AND its not a malt liquor. I propose Olde English Bull or something.

  4. Steve says:

    Someone correct me if my math is wrong: Assuming the cans are of equal volume, you’d have to drink 12 Buds and 4 Red Bulls in order to not have any waste, right? That just seems like an awful lot of peeing to get a moderate buzz on and probably have a headache for the next couple of days.

  5. tacotron says:

    I had a sparks phase briefly when I was 17. All of these drinks are terrible and do nothing but taste like care bear feces, and make you violently ill.

    • tacotron says:

      All “malt liqours” are shitty beer brewed without hops so there is no bitter notes, then a spirit added(usually vodka) to increase alcohol content.

  6. seniorcitizen says:

    lemme hip you guys to the game, the original was called a sidewalk slam and it required 1 miller highlife 40oz ($2.00 out the door) and one sparks (when it was still legit). drink said 40 down and pour in sparks, sidewalk slam!! thank the bkf’s

  7. vitajex says:

    Heh.

    Yeah, I basically think all of these premixed drinks are garbage. Like the saying goes: “You pay for convenience… with projectile vomiting and a splitting headache.”

    The only reason these things exist is, like you said in your Little Lokos post, for people who don’t have the means to mix vodka and Squirt like the rest of us God-lovin’ ‘mericans, i.e. kids and homeless people.

    And if it’s about you being THAT hard up for the caffeine buzz, then you can’t help but wonder if it might not be time to take up cocaine…

  8. surfape says:

    oh hellz yes, this should be the next big thing. thanks evacuee!!!!!!!!!!

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