The seven stages of taco grief

La Vallarta tacos just got a 17% price increase. That means 25 cents, non-math-dude. Up to $1.75 from $1.50.

The title of best tacos in town, in my humble opinion, goes to Taqueria la Vallarta. I have sung praises about these tacos and even admired their surrealist psychedelic mural here before. But last week I walked up to the register with a trio of meat-topped, lard-dipped tortillas and the total came to $5.25. All seven stages of grief occurred in a flash:

1. Shock – WTF? The five dollar bill in my hand can’t cover this!

2. Pain – Is this the end of an era? Has the economy finally caught up with the Mission’s last cheap meal? Is California, indeed, a failed state?

3. Anger & Bargaining – Señor, I assure you this is the first I have heard of this. This is unfair. You should have a sign up, or something. How about I skip the grilled onion, take one less radish and lime wedge, give you $5, and we call it even.

5. Depression, Reflection, Loneliness – Will this be my last taco? Maybe I need to eat more healthy. Say, I haven’t been on a date in a while. I think I have an overbearing mother.

6. The Upward Turn – Hey, looks like I have an extra quarter in my pocket that I was saving for my laundry change jar.

7. Acceptance & Hope – You know what? You guys deserve it. I have dreams about these tacos. I hope my humble contribution brings you riches, sir. ¡Viva la Vallarta!

Seriously, though. They deserve it. But, bummer.

[photo by mioi]

15 Responses to “The seven stages of taco grief”

  1. Tacos are pretty much the easiest food, other than a PB&J, to make, ever. So anyone who is too lazy to make his or her own deserves to pay through the nose.

    • huelga says:

      if you think good tacos are easy to make, then you’ve probably never had good tacos.

        • Steve says:

          Yes, because braising short ribs is such a quick operation.

          If you’re cooking at home, it’s inefficient and not cost effective to make only 3 tacos. You’ll end up with wasted tortillas, wasted cilantro, etc. Of course, if I used old tortillas and shitty store-bought salsa like you appear to, then it would probably make more sense.

          • Again, IDIOT, because you don’t have to do it exactly the way I do it. Carne Asada is cheap (at Duc Loi) and quick to cook (10-15 minutes per side). Fresh tortillas (like mine) are easy to find (c’mon, are you KIDDING?!) in The Mission (you don’t have to make them yourself — bet the taquerias don’t). Salsa is EASY to make. You’re worried about wasting fucking CILANTRO? OK, now you have identified yourself as a REAL idiot.

            I mean, if you’re going to troll in The Mission, at least pick your subject so that the vast majority of your readers won’t be laughing AT you.

    • Herr Doktor Professor Deth Vegetable says:

      I dunno, man. I am generally happy with two (or possibly three if I am wicked hungry) tacos, and at even a couple of bucks a pop, that is just not worth my while to make at home.

      • I make ‘em so good I have to have 3 or 4, and it is totally worth it, because I enjoy making food, and I do not enjoy waiting in line.

        • Herr Doktor Professor Deth Vegetable says:

          Fair enough. And, to be fair, I do make my own tacos, I guess, when I buy carnitas at the place down the street. I just don’t make my own carnitas.

          Actually, that’s a really good idea, maybe I’ll do that for dinner.

  2. Herr Doktor Professor Deth Vegetable says:

    Hmm.. I like Vallarta, but my favorite is El Taco Loco. What kind of Tacos are you getting at Vallarta? My usual (wherever I am) is carnitas and/or pollo asado, but is there something else that I should be trying to truly get the measure of Vallarta?

  3. Stu says:

    I’ve been sickened out of that place for good. I gave it at least 3 last shots. Once found massive amounts of bone in a chicken taco. Another time there was not one but 3 dark hairs in it. Not to mention the pigeons that freely roam the place. Pretty sure it has been shut down by the health dept. more than once. Fucking gross. One stage of grief is all it took.

  4. CeeeLo says:

    It’s just called “Taqueria Vallarta”, not “Taqueria la Vallarta”.

  5. Janet C says:

    Since I’m a fiend for lengua tacos and am the only person in my household who eats tongue, taqueria it is.

  6. El Pito says:

    Wow, you guys are lucky. Here in Sebastopol there are only 3 taco trucks and the most expensive truck charges $2.00/taco. But they are way bigger and meatier than what’s pictured here.

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