Why it’s a bad idea to try to rob Viracocha

Judging from the music video of latest from Atmosphere, security seems pretty tight at Viracocha on Valencia and 21st. Keep that in mind next time you’re thinking about shoplifting that moss-covered log with the Edison bulb screwed into it.

[via Mission director and dumpling enthusiast Pete Lee]

The real chapel

Yes, it’s on Valencia, but no, it doesn’t host live rock shows. It’s the chapel at St. Luke’s!

[via Abby]

So close and yet so far

A quote from the owner of the restaurant Loló, which just moved from 22nd and Bartlett to 21st and Valencia:

I can see the change in the people that come in. The street we were on before made some people uncomfortable, especially older people and families.

Sales are up 40%.

[via Eater SF]

Hear Jonathan Richman celebrate the life and music of Lou Reed this Sunday on Radio Valencia

And it’s on Lou Reed’s actual birthday! Here’s the deal:

Jonathan Richman is coming on Wax! Crackle! Pop! and we’re dedicating two hours to Lou Reed and The Velvet Underground. Lou would have turned 72 on March 2. It’s well known that the Velvets were a huge influence on Jonathan and The Modern Lovers. We’ll play some of our favorite VU songs and chat about Lou and the immense legacy he left behind.

Sounds killer! Tune in this Sunday, 10-midnight: radiovalencia.fm

Drink of the Week: Carrot-orange mimosas with fancy juice by Thistle

These Thistle guys (note that their URL is thistlechangeyou.com) (wait, so is it pronounced “this’ll”?) were giving out sample shots of their 100% raw, cold-pressed kale juice the other day on Valencia, so we struck up a conversation and ended up buying some other juices to go. But, us being us, we needed to combine them with alcohol in order to consume. It was awesome. Fancy juice is the bomb.

Next I’m gonna try combining the kale juice (which is called “Verdance” and also contains apple, celery, cucumber, spinach, parsley, lemon and ginger) with mezcal!

(We got the idea of a carrot-orange mimosa from the new kitchen staff at Broken Record btw.)

Here is the condo complex that might replace Elbo Room

SocketSite followed up on its original report, and found that the building owners are indeed pretty far along into the process of replacing Elbo Room with this big ‘ol condo complex:

A detailed set of architectural plans has been drafted for the project and the building’s owners have authorized the architects to act as their agents in submitting applications for environmental reviews, a historic resource evaluation, variances and Conditional Use. That’s every step required to get the project formally approved.

In fact, a month after the Planning Department provided their feedback on the preliminary plans, the application fee for which was nearly $5,000 alone, a follow-up meeting was scheduled between the Planning Department and architects to discuss next steps and plans for submitting the Environmental Evaluation and Historic Resource report for the project to move forward.

Read on.

Mixed feelings

Bomb threat shuts down Valencia

[via Darby]

The British are coming (in a gay way)

YOU GUYS. The producers of Looking have been hearing our cries! Episode 3 kicks off with a seaman pun that would hold its own in Sex and the City world (where was that show set again?). If my only requirement as a serious television critic is to get a Samantha Jones-inspired pun once in a while, we’re off to a good start.

Here’s why the seaman: the episode begins with Patrick and coworker Owen boarding a docked ship in Alameda to celebrate the launch of a new video game called Naval Destroyer. Patrick meets large-eared Brit Kevin who he hits on unsuccessfully while playing video games, straddling a torpedo. We later discover Kevin could potentially be his new boss. (Note: Does Kevin have kind of a Ricky Gervais-but-hot vibe or am I just racist?)

SAMANTHA: The British are coming, the British are coming! (She’s having sex with a British guy in this one)

Patrick spends the rest of the episode trying to save face and figure out how to get on Kevin’s team while Kevin effs with him a bit (British people are awful!), including telling Patrick he’d been going through his internet history and he should lay off the OK Cupid and Manhunt. Of course, in the end, Patrick decides to take matters into his own hands, designs some bonus shit to show Kevin, only to find out he was going to be picked for the team anyway. Kevin is, nonetheless impressed: “Commitment looks good on you.”

Our other boys? Well, Agustin is fired from his job working for another artist for hating her shitty art. He drowns his sorrows in a piece of cake (READERS: Where?) and meets a cocky, Thor-like sex worker who tells him he’s like sooooo good at sex and makes like sooooo much money. Intrigued, Agustin considers this career path himself.

Meanwhile, our friend Dom with the Tom Selleck mustache decides (in a Bollywood dance class!) that it’s finally time to open his own restaurant, something about Portuguese chicken (fuck your Anglo chicken, Zuni!). We later see him cruising a sauna (SEXY PEOPLE: can you cruise a sauna?), where he befriends Lynn, owner of a floral shop on Castro, an “institution”, and mothereffing Scott Bakula looking not a day over 47 (Note: He’s 59 so way to go, Bak!).

SAMANTHA: I’d like to leap his quantum!
SAMANTHA: I’d like to get behind his candelabra! (She’s having sex with Scott Bakula in both of these)

I liked this episode, you guys. I think the show is starting to get its footing here, and it’s addressing some very San Francisco issues that haven’t much been addressed on TV. Being in your 20s or 30s and ponying up and deciding to do a thing in a city of Peter Pans is something that struck me; it’s difficult to do here vs. in NY or LA, where everyone’s basically just a dick about careers and/or stations in life all the time. “I don’t think either of us are very good at being who we think we are, maybe we should try a little harder,” Patrick says to Agustin. I felt it, dudes.

I am also very interested in the introduction of Lynn, the institution. The relationship between gays over 40ish and younger gays is not something I consider much as a boring straight girl, but I am intrigued: the political vs. liberated, there is a mutual respect but both have gone through different shit and have some unique shit to get over.

And finally, Looking is kind to San Francisco. I can’t tell you how underwhelmed I was by Woody Allen’s San Francisco in Blue Jasmine (BREAKING: Woody Allen hates gay people). Looking features our bars, restaurants, streets, even our public transportation prominently, we are all up in San Francisco and its beautiful views and I dig it.

SAMANTHA: If that’s what they call the San Francisco treat, I’ll take two, honey! (She’s having sex with a San Franciscan in this one)

Spotted in this episode: the Transamerica pyramid, the J-Church, a burrito, Valencia between 16th and 17th, a nonexistent Esta Noche Facebook page, BART, Nellie Street.

The titillating secret messages hidden within Mission street names

Bernalwood, our favorite neighborhood blog, yesterday published a guide to the anagramified secret messages hidden in the names of all the streets up on the hill. Today, we submit that the Mission’s secret messages are even better. Check these out:

Harem Ship = Hampshire
Air Horns = Harrison
Tater = Treat
Shaven Snouts = South Van Ness
Anal Vice = Valencia
Albino = Albion
Red Baron = Dearborn
Carnal S.O.S. = San Carlos
Rod Fail = Florida
Czar Have Sec = Cesar Chavez
Doe Cub = Duboce
Two Hells = Shotwell
Carpet Pest = Capp Street
In Carol = Clarion
Tart Belt = Bartlett
Ably Lamely = Balmy Alley
A Goner = Orange
Lava Road = Alvarado
Pig Deal = Lapidge
Old Sore = Dolores

Highlight the list to see the translations. Killer titillating anagrams, am I right?

[Photo of my friend Carol by American Tripps]