Mission Mission

Anybody have a copy? How is it? Art by ORFN.

Previously on Mission Mission:

ORFN’s Feline Friend

One day last summer, Katie and I and our friend Malcolm were walking home after some dancing at the Knockout. This big drunken dude came marching up to us, mumbling in Spanish. He was jolly and seemed harmless enough, so we started making small talk and taking pictures.

The guy was mumbling and mumbling and cracking himself up. It was pretty funny.

Malcolm had just come back from a trip to a Spanish-speaking country, so he was able to communicate a tiny bit at least. The guy was very impressed, took an instant liking to Malcolm.

At some point he got a little rough, but still all in good fun.

Soon, we tried to say our goodbyes and get a move on. Especially Malcolm.

But before we could leave, guy reached down and took a big handful of Malcolm’s genital area, then whirled around and strolled away, giggling to himself. Ouch!

Anyway, Malcolm moved to another continent today, so we thought we’d share this story in his honor. We’ll miss you, buddy!

Also, sorry about the resless photography. Hopefully it gets the job done.

As part of some road construction, they just dumped half a beach worth of sand into a cut-up stretch of Mission Street just north of Chavez. The smell hit me long before I even saw what was going on. It made me think of beach — made me wish it were still summer

Tonight, Needles + Pens hosts an opening for a new photo exhibition titled Welcome All, featuring work by locals Andrew M. Scott and Geoffrey Ellis. Looks like the pair cruised around some Middle American backroads and snapped some artful shots of colorful old junk falling apart. The party starts at 6pm. (via SF Art & Design Lover)

The New York Times travel section spent a weekend in the Mission District and came back with a photo essay. They went to Pirate Cat Radio, Weird Fish, Aquarius Records, Dolores Park, Foreign Cinema (above), St. Francis Fountain and Mission Dolores, and were struck by the “balance between [the neighborhood's] colorful Latino roots and [its] gritty bohemian subculture.” They also refer to people in the park as “Frisbeeing, smuggled-beer-drinking multitudes.” I’ve never smuggled anything into Dolores Park. Link.

I live on Albion, near 16th and Mission, and so I find it odd, cute, and ridiculous when people act as if they live in some comfy suburb, expecting their neighbors to behave accordingly. Even when those “neighbors” are homeless crackheads who use our street as a shooting gallery and then bathroom.

Those same people tend to get especially touchy when it comes to dogs. These are the people who find dogs unleashed to be a menace to public safety. Who, when sitting at Dolores Park, feel that their personal space has been violated when a dog wanders onto their blanket. And then there is the cardinal sin of dog ownership: leaving the poop. It could be that you forgot to bring a baggie. It could be that your dog has the runs and his excrement is impossible to pick up. It could also be that you’re a selfish asshole, and this seems to be what most people assume first when it comes to dog owners. Hell, let’s be honest. That seems to be what most people assume first, period.

I’ve stopped trying to predict what kind of doggie behavior will offend Missionites, but there is one steadfast rule that I’ve found always applies: on every street, there is one guy who rabidly defends the bush in front of his house from being peed on.

He lies in wait for you. When he sees you pass by with your dog, he either runs out of his house or leans out of his window to reprimand you for allowing your dog to urinate on a living thing. His living thing. Invariably, his junkyard dog approach to communication makes you feel defensive. It puts you on edge. You respond, rightfully if unhelpfully, that his bush or whatever is on a public sidewalk.

It could go lots of ways from there, but most likely the interaction will slide into the realm of threats. He’ll call the police, he’ll kick your ass. In one such situation, a guy even threatened to poison my dog if I didn’t leave his bush alone. No doubt he felt that was fair. An eye for an eye. After all, my dog’s urine was poisoning his bush, or so he thought.

Until now, I have been highly disinclined to yield to such ruffians, such cads. Anyone who would treat another person so hatefully, especially without even trying to ask nicely in the first place, did not deserve to get what they wanted.

But now I’m tired. I just want to walk down the street in the morning without worrying if this dude is going to jump out from behind his gate and hassle me. So I dealt with the most recent incarnation of this situation differently, especially since I now have two dogs to shepherd. I muttered my usual, “It’s a public sidewalk,” retort, then went home and drafted a letter in true passive-aggressive style and stuck it on his gate.

Since then, I have walked down the street in peace. Some might say it’s because my letter was so carefully worded. Others might say it’s because I’ve elected to walk down the opposite side of the street from now on.

Who really knows?

And, for your pleasure, dear readers, I give you The Letter:

Dudes,
I’m the girl who walks her dogs past your house in the morning. You have come out yelling at me twice but have not tried the kinder approach so far. If you had come out and asked me nicely, and kindly, to just bypass your bush, I would have agreed. Not because I agree with you but because I believe in neighborliness.

Secondly, please take a moment to imagine how it would feel if you were a young woman walking alone in a dodgy neighborhood and all of a sudden there are two confrontational guys yelling at you and following you across the street. Do you think this would make you feel amenable to a neighborly compromise? Or would it make you feel physically threatened?

Next time you want to talk to me, how about you try the nicer way? And please be more considerate of my position. I promise it will get better results.

P.S. Imagine how you would want someone to talk to your sister or daughter.

And one last thing. Let it be known that the dogs inspiring such venomous reproach were these:

Found this in the Missed Connections. What’s with the discrimination, Quirky Girl?

Quirky Girl with tatoos and piercings at Ritual Coffee – m4w – 41 (mission district)

You rode up on your tricked-out vintage one-speed. Stood in line for coffee looking like you knew what you were doing, very confident on your turf. You wore a “fuck bush” t-shirt, wide belt with studs, jeans, converse. Hair dyed blue–messy. Vintage Ray-Bans rested on your nose. I thought it was love at first sight, but as I smiled at you, you sneered back! Ouch! It was then I realized I was wearing a kelly green polo, khakis, and boat shoes–hair combed straight. Shit! I forgot to wear my mission-hipster outfit!! Did I lose a chance at you? Please give me another shot at it!!

Signed,
hopelessly unhip.

Link, or click thumbnail to enlarge.

I found this poster in the window of the Mission Street Safeway yesturday. I love the little drawings, as well as the tear-stained face at the bottom of the poster. I hope they’ve been returned by now.

There’s a new shop called Arara opening on Saturday, and to celebrate, they’re throwing a “Grand Opening and Fashion Compassion” party:

Gogograciegalleries, in collaboration with Arara, is putting together a GRAND OPENING/ ART / FASHION/ FUNDRAISER EVENT Saturday September 13th, 2008. We will be collecting prom dresses and accessories for the Princess Project which promotes self-confidence and individual beauty by providing free prom dresses and accessories to high school girls who cannot otherwise afford them. As the costs to attend high school prom soar, The Princess Project has made this tradition a reality for over 9,000 Bay Area girls since 2002. Please help us make this a successful and fun event !!!

Guidelines for donations:
*Dresses MUST be from 2002 to present or GREAT vintage
*Dresses MUST be dry-cleaned and on hangers
*Dresses MUST be prom dresses, formal gowns, or fancy party dresses
*Accessories MUST be stylish, clean, and in excellent condition
*Shawls, purses, clutches, jewelry and gloves are all popular items

Arara is near 28th and Guerrero. Full details here. (via the Myopenbar.com newsletter)

Artist Andrew Wilson filled a vessel with dirt, genetically modified corn, water, Skittles, hair gel and rat poison, and it will be on display in the window at ATA starting tonight. From the artist’s statement:

Through an opening in a large Lexan sphere I first laid down soil and planted in it genetically modified corn. I then gradually added Skittles, fruit-infused Garnier hair gel, and D-CON rat poison colored and shaped like candy, all stolen gradually from large chain stores.

Perhaps this thing will present a microcosm of the obscene excesses of global capitalism, as it invokes the spatial limits of growth that the smooth space of smooth capital seeks at every turn to negate.

Lots more here, including lengthy diatribes on each individual ingredient, and suggestions on how to get involved with the food sovereignty movement.