Dating in San Francisco (Brutal)

California Sunshine over the weekend posted the story of Aaron (left) and Dinah (right), a pair of sexy young San Franciscans:

I developed a crush on Dinah in Los Angeles. She’s my type- dark, busty, funny, strange. We hung out, we went to party where I folded my arms around her waist and tried to kiss her. She wasn’t interested, but she didn’t push me away.

A week later I asked her out for dinner and drinks. She said yes.

Read on to see how it all shakes out, and maybe you can help answer some of Aaron’s questions about why dating in SF is so brutal.

82 Responses to “Dating in San Francisco (Brutal)”

  1. Constance says:

    Stupid hipsters trying to date other stupid hipsters. There’s no such thing as dating in the scenester world. Just random hookups.

  2. joshua says:

    i can’t take any of this seriously. like, really? typical.

  3. Kyle Madison says:

    Hooray for you! Taking vicoden, which is pretty much high doses of acetometaphine, and liquor – both of which destroy the liver very quickly.

    Anyway, yes it was stupid to take the drugs. Yes, she knew it was a date – you kissed her and then asked her out. She’s a dim witted bitch. Find another girl.

    • obvious says:

      *tried* to kiss her

      • Kyle Madison says:

        What is the difference between “tried to kiss her” and “kissed her” as far as intentions are concerned? She knew what he wanted, she went out with him anyway.

    • Will says:

      ehh, vicodin usually has only 500mg of acetaminophen, so 1 pill with some drinks is probably fine for your liver. And alcohol destroys the liver slowly, not quickly.

  4. meave says:

    If you’re going to date, you have to take it seriously. All this super-casual drifting in and out of the actual date, it’s super-irritating and nonsense. Set something up and go through with it. If you can’t make it, reschedule. If your date calls and postpones, and then postpones again, s/he isn’t taking you seriously. Either go through with it, reschedule, or cancel. We can retain our childlike wonder with the world etc. while behaving like emotionally mature adults toward each other, generally.

    • Amy says:

      I was reading this while saying to myself, “You go, girl!” and then I realized this was written by Meave. Hi, Meave!

    • joshua says:

      this is amazing!!!! she clearly wasn’t taking him seriously, I feel bummed for the dude. I’ve only met this girl a handful of times but she’s a major red flag in my book. All those pill popping poserr musicians are.

      • joekrak says:

        you dont know dinah you fucking turd. “major red flag in your book”??? thats fucking priceless.

        • Joshua says:

          properly was introduced to her last night, I had lumped her in w/ some of the company she keeps (kept?), either way she fucking ruled and i totally take back my lame comment from last July. Lesson Learned.

    • Brock Keeling says:

      Well said. I want to make this into a poster and plaster the entire city with it.

  5. Brillo says:

    It’s not just dating. People in San Francisco are flakes. They think that showing up = being too into it. Cultivate the “whatever.”

  6. ndc says:

    This is textbook dating stuff — could be an example out of any of the dating books and got nothing to do with SF. Girl doesn’t find guy very interesting or sexy, agrees to a date but changes her mind, then blows him off completely. Swing and a miss.

  7. Jane says:

    she knows you like her. she isn’t into you “that way.”

    she tried to steer the “date” (and you) into the friend-zone by making it go from casual meeting up at a bar into a group kickback situation, then leaves before you can make it awkward for her by trying to kiss her or asking her out again.

    i can’t speak for all girls, but i do this sort of thing all the time with guys i think are cool but who i’m not physically attracted to enough to date or sleep with. i don’t want to totally blow them off since i see their “friend potential,” but i also don’t want them pursuing me romantically / putting me in the position of having to hurt any feelings. turning a date into “just meeting up” seems like a good way to hint to a guy that i just want to be friends. i could be wrong but i think that’s what she was doing.

    • ohboy says:

      “…just meeting up” seems like a good way to hint to a guy that i just want to be friends.”

      A hint? Really? It’s this kind of passive-aggressive bullshit that gives the women of SF a bad rep. What you should do is act like a real woman and tell this guy to his face that you are not interested, or just not agree to go out on a date in the first place. Really, it’s that simple.

      • Burnt Toast says:

        Damn right.

        I sometimes feel that SF is the place where people who didn’t really grow up end up. Supported by parents (otherwise how would they afford to live here), they drift around from one “project” to another, from one bed to another. It is this lack of maturity that leads to behavior like Jane’s .

        I couldn’t tell you the number of times I’ve exchanged emails with girls (“women” is too mature a term for them), who seem enthusiastic about dates (and are forever complaining about the lack of single men in SF), but keep flaking out.


    • Joey says:

      Burnt Toast is dead-on. And I think we’re maybe being unfair by saying only ladies do this. Guys do it too, duh no doy. Plus, I’m sorry, but I don’t care if a girl sees “friend potential” in me. I already have friends. I don’t need more friends. Most of the friends I have I don’t like. The last thing I need is more asshole friends.

      We’re all adults, and I think if we honestly follow the golden rule however fucking dumb that may sound, everyone will be happier.

      • Ames says:

        Umm pardon me, but if you don’t like most of your friends, it actually sounds like you DO need more friends. Just better ones!

        That said, I do believe that people of all genders and sexual orientations should just in general be up-front about their intentions, whether those involve romance or friendship. There is far too much passive-aggressive, subtle blowing-off, and far too much “playing it cool” in the dating scene, which just causes confusion and heartache. We all just need to man- and woman-up and and be honest with ourselves and others.

  8. Rick says:

    How else is she supposed to get a free drink?

    • Beth says:

      Free drink? In SF? HA!
      The only times I ever get free drinks from guys in SF is when it’s a) a friend buying or b) someone from out of town who’s hitting on me. San Francisco boys don’t buy girls drinks.

      Or maybe I’m going to the wrong bars (but I’m kind of against the whole using men for drinks and money thing anyway, so probably not).

      • Jorge says:

        I thought it was okay to let strong, independent ladies buy their own drinks?

      • afroblanco says:

        Yeah, but that’s because “can I buy you a drink” is like a retarded 70s pick-up line. Girls complain that guys don’t buy them drinks. But then ask those same girls if they take guys seriously who buy them drinks, and, to a one, they’ll all say “no.” So why buy a drink for a girl when buying a drink for her will make her think you’re ridiculous? Fuck that. Save the $6 and do something fun with it. That chick is only there do dance with her friends, anyway.

      • Ames says:

        If I’m on a date with a guy I feel is genuinely interested in me and trying to be nice and show that interest by offering to buy me a drink, I will accept. But I will also reciprocate, especially if we end up on more dates. I’m not about taking advantage of a guy for free booze.

        However, I feel like when a guy I don’t know hits on me by buying me a drink at a bar, it usually sends the message of “hey, I want to get you drunk so maybe you’ll make out/have sex with me”. I know that maybe that’s not fair, and that it’s not always the case, but in my experience it often has seemed that way. These days I will usually decline the offer, but I in the past have accepted drink from strangers, and hey, if they’re interesting I’ll talk to them, if I’m attracted to them I might consider getting physical or pursuing more in the future, but if they’re just a jerk I’ll peace out. I don’t feel like I owe a guy anything just because he, of his own volition, bought me some booze.

      • @ Ames — so what does work with you, aside from, in part, drinks? Oh yeah — good looks, alert conversation, and innate charm. The very things that are in such short supply in bars.

      • Ames says:

        Which is precisely why I use bars as places to get drunk, not to meet men. ;)

  9. double standard says:

    All of these are good points–about dating in SF. But this is what happens to girls every day here. The guy leads them on and calls them when it’s convenient for them, which is usually when they’re drunk at 2 am or once every two weeks. Just because this girl went on a date with him even if she wasn’t interested doesn’t make her a jerk. GUYS DO IT ALL THE TIME. This story was just a different angle to the every day dating life we experience in this childish city.

    • Rod says:

      this isn’t something that happens to girls all the time here, this is apparently something that happens to YOU all the time because you only like to pursue the flaky unavailable dudes because any dude that is interested and nice and normal must not be good enough. don’t worry, this will change when you are 30 or so.

  10. Alamo L7 says:

    Sounds like most of the dates in the Mission. Blase girls and whiny boys going out on non-dates and not hooking up. Make friends, then f%$k. Its the only way.

    Lay of the Vike and get some vicuprofen or demerol. Dave the liver, keep the kicks!

    Get laid kiddies.

  11. MrEricSir says:

    Letting the girl setup the date = guaranteed fail.

  12. chalkman says:

    Hard to believe that things could go wrong after a dinner of whiskey and vicodin….

  13. Dr. Love says:

    Bro! This girl was clearly not interested at this time, otherwise she wouldn’t have danced around the appointment you had made. Regarding future interaction with females in SF, your instincts in asking her out weren’t wrong. Think of dating like hitting in baseball – two successes in five tries will generally leave you happy.

    But next time BE A MAN! – Don’t give her excuses to be confused about what you’re after; no meeting at a gay bar, no group outings. If she’s avoiding, don’t pursue desperately. And for fucksake don’t castrate yourself in front of the world by whining about a failed date on your blog. There are other fish in the pool (probably even one of her friends who silently thinks she’s crazy for leading you on). Also, don’t complain that SF is too small of a pool; it’s a diverse world-class city. If you need the odds more stacked in your favor, maybe it’s time to move to Chapel Hill.

    As for the girl in question, my advice to her would be to be straightforward with suitors. It takes a measure of courage for a guy to put himself at risk of rejection by asking you out, so have the decency to be honest if you’re not interested. He’s not interested in the consolation prize of being your friend. He’s got plenty of friends, he’s looking for a date. Besides, lead a guy on, your dirty laundry might get aired out for all to read on the internets.

  14. binky says:

    I think both parties involved are self-absorbed and retarded. It did give the dude something to write about tho. Where is the chicks reblog-buttle?

  15. This is why dating in SF is brutal.

    • one says:

      Why are there no comments on this!!??? It’s amazzzzzzzzzzing.

      I laughed and cried; I forget which is which.

  16. [...] Dating in San Francisco is Brutal Explore posts in the same categories: Video [...]

  17. L Dub says:

    I agree with much of what is being said here: dating in San Francisco is pretty brutal, people should be more straightforward, both men & women get played, and taking Vicodin (at least on the first date) is a bad idea. The problem is that, unlike back in the days when my parents were dating, there are no real rules when it comes to this stuff. Lately it feels like anything goes. But I wonder… How do we swim through the muddy waters of dating or being ‘just friends’? Why can’t people pick up the phone instead of back-to-back texting? At what point do we disclose what we want or what our relationship status is? How many dates before you sleep with someone? I’ve got a million other questions – as I’m sure many reading this do.

    I hate to sound like my mother, but I wish there were guidelines. Mission Mission – for the love of SF, please write the rules and put them out there for all of our city – and the rest of the world for that matter – to see.

  18. Ashter says:

    Wait a second, so you’re telling me that people who move across the country to a place they have no connection to have a hard meeting others? Fascinating.

    Really this is no different than any other city full of transplants. We’re not that special.

  19. GG says:

    I’m currently going through a breakup, thanks to y’all for making me think that I would rather poke sharp sticks in my eyes than ever get back out into the dating world again. ;)

    But I’m with Brillo. There seems to be a larger than average subset of flakes in SF. Even outside of dating — I have certain friends who I can make plans with days in advance and know that there’s a 50% chance they’ll call me an hour before and cancel because they just feel like staying home or some other lame reason. To me that’s just kind of rude. But that’s SF.

    • one says:

      It’s a perpetual motion machine. People act like this because they think that’s what ya do in the big city. That flakin’ out is the SF way. And so it is, now and beyond the forseeable future, which would be sometime next week.

  20. DD says:

    you are yucky! why you wanna be hanging with a girl you have no chemistry with when you kiss? get a pocket pussy instead. ice cream before a date? eeeww. toot toot! and most of all, don’t out people’s drug use in public. lame. AND also your blog looks like American Apparel. Life is hard!

  21. gaydaytoday says:

    posts like this make me thankful to be queer. some of this scene has migrated eastward, but for the most part it is as raging (and easy) as ever!

    norcal flakiness remains a problem but at least folks are more up-front and if it doesn’t work out or you break up there’s already the expectation that you’ll be friends later.

  22. afroblanco says:

    Yes, without a doubt, this is a city full of flakes. People do NOT follow through on plans. This is most painful when it comes to dating, so I think we notice it more in that situation. But actually, I’ve noticed this exact same tendency for friends and hanging out. You make plans with somebody, and (as somebody upthread said) you have like a 50% chance they’ll follow through. WHERE DO PEOPLE GET THE IDEA THAT THIS IS REMOTELY ACCEPTABLE!? I mean, people pulled this crap in NYC, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as here. I hate to say it, but I kinda write it off to “California flakiness.”

    Anyway, I’m more likely to tolerate this with friends, but with dates, no, sorry, shit ain’t cool. Girls like to cultivate this whole “look at me, I’m SO busy” aura, but you know what? People make time for things they care about. So “I’m so busy” is no excuse. Make plans and follow through. Otherwise, I’m gonna say “fuck it” and you aren’t going to hear from me again.

    Also, yeah, hear a lot of complaints from older girls about how guys only want to date twentysomethings. Sorry, this is totally a canard. Maybe with online dating this is more of an issue. But if you meet a guy when you’re out somewhere, HE HAS NO IDEA HOW OLD YOU ARE. But you know what he can tell? If you’re insecure about it. And this is always bleeding obvious. And it shows. And it’s very unattractive. One girl I went out on a date with started out MANY sentences with “I’m thirty now, so …” Another woman who was hitting on me at a party referred to herself as “a Puma.” And I’m like, Really? Was that really necessary? WOMEN OF AMERICA, STOP COMPARING YOURSELVES TO CATS. IT MAKES US THINK OF “CAT LADIES” AND IT IS NOT HOT! But seriously, I know you’re trying to be self-deprecating and all, but that is NEVER attractive. Being insecure about your age is just as bad as being insecure about your weight, i.e. the girl who looks perfectly fine (but not like Kate Moss) who goes out of her way to talk about “going to the gym” like she’s apologizing for not being a stickfigure. INSECURITY IS NOT SEXY. BOLDNESS IS. BE WHO YOU ARE AND FLAUNT IT.

    And for god’s sake, if I take the trouble to call you, either make plans and keep to them OR DON’T BOTHER CALLING ME BACK. You think I have nothing better to do?

    (oh, and a personal preference. stop wearing jeans. I don’t care if they’re tight. it makes you look like a boy. wear skirts and dresses, they’re cute.)

    • Ames says:

      “Girls like to cultivate this whole “look at me, I’m SO busy” aura, but you know what? People make time for things they care about. So “I’m so busy” is no excuse.”

      Newsflash #1: guys do this too. I have experienced it personally. Except that unlike you I have broad enough sight and awareness not to generalize and assign it only to the gender I generally date.

      “oh, and a personal preference. stop wearing jeans. I don’t care if they’re tight. it makes you look like a boy. wear skirts and dresses, they’re cute.”

      Newsflash #2: We (the secure, emotionally mature women you claim to want) don’t care about your personal preference. We are going to wear jeans if we want to, because guess what? It’s 2010. Yup, it really is, I swear. Not to mention that any guy who thinks wearing pants makes a woman look like a boy is obviously not very secure in himself and his sexuality. And again,any woman who dresses as she thinks men would want her to instead of how SHE wants to is obviously NOT the secure, confident and independent woman you claim to favor.

      • If I were dating, I would beg you for a date.

        …well, not in so many words. But to the best of my abilities.

      • afroblanco says:

        Well, I don’t date guys, so I have no idea what it’s like to date them.

        And while I’m hurt that you won’t accept my fashion advice, by bringing my sexuality into question, you’ve sent me on a long, soul-searching vision quest through the Castro. Once the ayahuasca and hair gel runs out, I’ll let you know how everything turned out. Quite sure I’ll come back a changed man.

      • Ames says:

        Cranky Old Mission Guy-

        And if *I* were dating, I might just accept. Although not knowing whether we had romantic chemistry or friendship chemistry, it might get a but tricky, not wanting to lead you on about my intentions and all. You know. ;)

      • Joe says:

        Huh. So being secure and emotionally mature means ignoring the personal preferences of the people you’re dating?


        I am strong, emotionally secure and very independent male and I always consider the personal preferences of those I date. Then again, I care about my appearance and believe how you look is a reflection of who you are.

        From what it sounds like, I don’t doubt that how you dress is definitely a reflection of who you are.

      • one says:

        “Personal preference…”?! hahahhhahaha. Put on a dress or a skirt yourself. They’re cute!

        re: flakes.
        People flake because they think that’s what ya do in the big city. They think it’s sophisticated.

        It’s been fun, but this is all just giving me a headache.

      • afroblanco says:

        July 22nd, 2010 :

        4:30 PM : Emotionally affected by Ames’s informative “newsflashes”, keen fashion sense, and incisive questioning of my sexuality, I set off on a life-changing journey of spiritual discovery

        5:15 PM : Meet with guru atop Hippie Hill in Golden Gate Park. The guru smells of patchouli oil and jambands. Unto this guru I say, “Oh wise, dreadlocked fellow upon hippie hill. I think women look more attractive in skirts and dresses, for I am a leg man, and that is my preference. However, there are those who would snark unto me, and say that I am a man who perhaps desires a man. Having never considered this, I am compelled to embark on this Important Journey Of Spiritual Discovery. My good man, can you sell me the extract of the Brazilian vision vine combined with the extract of an MAO inhibitor, which, together, make the compound known as Ayahuasaca?”

        5:20 : Ayahuasca purchased. Consumed.

        5:45 : Wander aimlessly through park.

        6:00 : Vomit.

        6:15 : Vomit.

        6:25 : Vomit.

        7:00 : Having thoroughly cleansed my body, I meditate on the nature of life and existence. I realize that I’ve Been Doing It Wrong. No longer shall I spend my days toiling away in front of a computer, moving electrons around. The self-transforming elf machines have shown me the way. The Panther Shaman awaits, I most follow him to the jeweled dome, where I may bask in awe of the infinitely tessellated checkerboard spiral of endless parallel eigenstates. It is time to go dancing.

        7:23 : Vomit.

        8:00 : Somehow, I have made my way to the Castro neighborhood of San Francisco. I feel that my journey is coming to a climax; for here I will discover, for once and for all, if my desire to see the shapely legs of female San Francisco correlates with a repressed desire for male schlong.

        8:15 : Witness an incredible, mind-blowing double rainbow. DOUBLE RAINBOW ALL THE WAY! WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN!?

        8:45 : Realize, in a moment of lucidity, that I’ve spent the last 45 minutes staring at a rainbow flag outside a sex shop.

        9:00 : Dancing! I am surrounded by young, attractive men, dancing around and having a great time! This is the happiest place on earth! Why would I ever leave? A beautiful female voice issues from the speakers, intoning the most beautiful poetry I have ever heard, a song of love, a song of passion, a song of acceptance. It is a song about loving someone in their totality; not just fashion and romance. She’s willing to accept my disease, my revenge, and my leather studded kiss in the sand. I feel loved! I feel accepted! I have found my place in the world. I’ve figured it out : I AM gay! Gay, gay, gay like the wind!

        9:07 : Uh oh. Something is wrong. All is not right in the state of Castro. Although, just moments ago, I was sure of myself and my new gay place in the world, I now realize that things may not be that simple. My new reality has a gaping flaw, and although I could try to ignore it, ultimately it would come back to bite me. As my eyes search the room, observing my potential boyfriends, I came to a startling realization. All these attractive young men, every last one of them, is wearing TIGHT HIPSTER JEANS. As I pick my jaw up off the floor and try to piece my reality back together, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and shout at the top of my lungs, “NEWSFLASH! YOU ALL DRESS LIKE A BUNCH OF GIRLS!”

        And then I was enlightened.

      • Ames says:

        “From what it sounds like, I don’t doubt that how you dress is definitely a reflection of who you are.”

        Haha, WHAT? I am really not sure what THIS is supposed to mean… but it sounds vaguely like an insult. Which I think is pretty hilarious, considering you don’t know me and have absolutely no clue about my appearance or how I dress, other than the fact that I *may* *occasionally* wear jeans.

        In fact, I will clear that rumor up for you: I actually DO often wear jeans. I also wear skirts, dresses, shorts, leggings, tunics, and the occasional pair of nice slacks, depending upon the social situation and my mood. I don’t think this is unusual… And I REALLY am puzzled as to how wearing jeans equates to not caring about your appearance (although I do happen to hold the INSANE opinion that who you are inside, your actions, beliefs, etc. are actually more important than the fashion of cloth you cover your body with–I know, CRAZY, right?).

        And, I guess I can also infer from your quite defensive comment that not ignoring my own personal preferences and changing how I dress for the person I date means that I’m a selfish and insensitive to the needs of others?

        To quote you,


      • Ames says:

        But in all seriousness, afroblanco–

        while it seems that there are people whose only purpose in commenting on these blogs is to pick fights with strangers and show how extremely clever&witty(!) they are, I would like to clarify that I am actually not one of those individuals.

        Nor was the purpose of my original comment(while I realize the tone may have sarcastic and confrontational) actually to insult your manhood or question your sexuality. My purpose was merely to point out the glaring contradiction on your statements:


        followed up by

        “stop wearing jeans. I don’t care if they’re tight. it makes you look like a boy. wear skirts and dresses, they’re cute.”

        I hope you can understand my confusion. You are telling women to be confident in themselves, to, quote: “BE WHO YOU ARE”, and then in practically the next paragraph you suddenly want to tell us how we should all dress…

        My point is that, being secure with myself and confident in who I am and in my appearance, I am going to wear what I want to–what I feel sexy and confident and comfortable in, whether that be jeans, a dress or a fucking leather catsuit–and not what a man tells me he wants to see me in, or what I think will attract men to me.

        If a guy is attracted to me for the person I am and for my personal style, great. If not, he’s probably not going to be the guy for me, and I’m ok with that. I’m not going to change who I am or how I dress for anyone, and any guy who actually wants someone secure in themselves (and wants ME)wouldn’t want me to.

        Of course it’s ok for a guy or a girl to say “Oh, I like that shirt on you”, or “You look good in blue,” etc. But that’s a far cry from telling someone to dress a certain way or change the way they look. I’m sorry, but it just sounds ridiculous in this day and age to say that wearing jeans makes a woman “look like a boy”. Of course you are allowed your own personal preference, I’m just saying: don’t expect any of the confident, independent woman you want supposedly want to date to adhere to them.

        I realize you will probably turn this into another long-winded, rambling joke, but I just wanted to make it clear that I was actually trying to make (what I think is) an important and relevant point, I was not merely bored and looking to get caught up in an immature internet snark-fest. Maybe that means I’m in with the wrong crowd, but hey, it is what it is.

      • afroblanco says:

        Look. The jeans comment was a throw-away. It was not meant to be taken seriously. I mean, yes, I think women look better when they aren’t wearing boring, gender neutral clothing. But as I said, it’s just a personal preference. I’m well aware that I am not Karl Lagerfeld, I do not dictate from on high what people should be wearing this season. Nobody is under any obligation to take my opinion on the subject seriously, and in fact, I’m surprised that people decided to zero in on that one throwaway aspect of my comment. It’s not something I’m passionate about; the world is in no danger of me becoming some kind of Jeans Crusader.

        (although, honestly, I do think it’s kinda hilarious that somebody is taking my fashion opinions seriously. definitely a first.)

        I’m not even sure why I tacked that on to the end of my comment, since it doesn’t really have anything to do with what I was trying to say. I think I was just trying to be funny.

        But yes, people should wear whatever they damn well please. I usually try to solicit my friends (especially women) for fashion advice, but I understand that others may be more self-directed about their clothing choices.

        Whew. So much seriousness in one comment. I think I need to head over to for some fart jokes. BRB.

      • Ames says:

        Well gee, it does seem a shame that your funny throw-away completely deterred from anything relevant you were trying to say. Also too bad that again you seem to miss my point, I guess maybe you’re just too busy thinking up clever things to say to see it. Good luck with that “funny” thing, man, and thanks for letting me know that you’re giving up the fashion crusade. So relieved to know that I am safe to walk the streets in jeans, free from persecution.

      • afroblanco says:

        No, I see what you are saying. I understand why my throw-away jeans comment seemed to contradict my main point. It was a silly, throw-away comment, and if I had known people would take it seriously, I wouldn’t have said it at all.

      • Ames says:

        Ok, that is fair. If I’d known it was just a flippant comment I wouldn’t have taken such issue with it. Unfortunately, the internet doesn’t always know when you’re joking… silly internet! I do appreciate your (serious) explanation. I can definitely better see where you’re coming from now, and am glad you can see what I’m saying.

      • afroblanco says:


    • Ames says:

      afroblanco -

      While I don’t date girls, I am fair enough to realize that we are not actually perfect and that some of us play games and are flaky. But then maybe the tightness of my jeans is just starting to cut off my circulation and deplete the flow of oxygen to my brain…

      Having never told a guy I was dating what to wear, I’m not sure how your future gay dates will react to that, but godspeed and good luck!

    • m says:

      “stop wearing jeans. I don’t care if they’re tight. it makes you look like a boy.”

      Some of us think that’s really goddamn hot. I’ll gladly take these boyish women off your hands. Granted, I’m female.

    • Ames says:


      I am so pleased I could help in your journey! Sounds like it’s time to hit the tranny bars, my friend, those ladies have got some GAMS on them and would not be caught DEAD in a pair of jeans. Again, happy to help!

  23. one says:

    Joe – did we date? cause you’re still an asshole.

    Ok, *now* it’s time for a nap.

    • Ames says:

      For your sake, I certainly hope not. If so, my condolences. Think you have the right idea with this nap thing… maybe if we pretend we’re asleep, they’ll go away…

  24. SRK says:

    Hahaha, WOW.
    Is it just me (obviously) or do all of you people suck? If you can’t see that this is an obvious joke article created for the means of entertainment than you’re just looking for something to be cynical and negative towards. Fucking RELAX.

    Have you ever been shut down or failed on a random date or done something you maybe shouldn’t have done in a certain situation?

    And all this shit about San Francisco being full of “flakes” that, as well, is complete shit. We hang out with our friends when WE WANT to hangout, we’re not constantly looking for some new thing or new acquaintances. This is a lifestyle city, enjoy it or leave. It’s not a fucking rat race and we’re okay with that. Hopefully, you’ll get there too someday.

    Peace.Love.Equality.LGBTQ bitches

  25. [...] been talking all week about how rough the dating scene is around here. Yesterday, reader afroblanco explained why it’s not just dating that’s tough, but [...]

  26. Dude says:

    Huh…. and here I thought California Sunshine was gay.

    Maybe that’s your problem dude, stop parading around like an ambiguous joke. Let’s see; it isn’t musical and it isn’t funny. Are you afraid to actually work on something, so you keep one foot in the ‘this isn’t serious’ pond?

    It’s acts like that, which make me turn to my friends at the bar and say “Gee, aren’t you glad we moved to this cultural mecca?”

  27. Cat says:

    Earlier this spring the SF Weekly did this article:

    And it REALLY pissed me off. Me a single 20-something girl that has complained about dating one too many times! Here’s the thing: it’s very easy for all of us to blame outside forces on our relationship woes. While we certainly have some unique circumstances in San Francisco, I believe that the same things that make it challenging are basically many of the very reasons why we live in this great city. In this instance, though, they are conveniently giving it a negative spin because it’s easier to do that than to look at ourselves. We enjoy the diversity, we like to party and because of all this, the youthful energy of our city is palpable. So we choose this place, we choose this life. And if the youthfulness, playfulness isn’t what you seek, then move on to a city that maybe has higher marriage rates, but maybe doesn’t have anything like Bay 2 Breakers.

    Maybe dating is a tad harder here because of all this, but isn’t San Francisco worth it?

  28. [...] going to end this week’s examination of dating and friendship and flakiness in San Francisco and California with this sober rap by reader [...]

  29. [...] followed Aaron Sunshine’s unluckiness in love for a while now (surely you’ll recall the brutality of dating in SF and the mystery girl he never found), so we were pleased as punch to find this good news on his [...]

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