Crazy kissing guy on the loose

Our pal Walter Green, a designer and illustrator for McSweeney’s and the Believer, wrote in just now with a freaky tale:

My friend was walking down 21st and Valencia today at around noon when she was grabbed from behind by a crazy guy. The guy wrapped his arms around her and then tried to kiss her! She shoved him away and ran away. He followed for a bit, but she eventually lost him.

She’s really shaken up by it–is scared to go outside today!–and wouldn’t describe him beyond beyond a “fat, crazy guy.” I’ve attached my artist rendering based on what she’s told me about him.

Watch your backs! Thanks, Walter.

8 Responses to “Crazy kissing guy on the loose”

  1. D. Jon Moutarde says:

    Yeah you want to go with those urban defense techniques where you push the guy backwards and stomp on his nutsack. But you have to actually go through the program, because that’s what actually convinces you that you are still a good person after you obliterate a pervert’s testicles.

  2. fat mission perv says:

    don’t “huff huff” run so fast “puff puff”, I can’t waddle that fast….

  3. Fat mission pervs spouse says:

    Better her then me.

  4. Fact Checker says:

    I can’t think of a more lonesome post on this blog.

  5. So, there’s a kissing Bigfoot on the loose?!

  6. new says:

    is this drawing in smell-o-vision? is that what the green lines are?

  7. No Way says:

    “oh, I’m so ‘terrorized’ by this! A *man* (of all the evil things) trying to KISS people! Oh what will we ever do…”

    Get over yourself.

Leave a Reply

Current month ye@r day *