No greater horror in life than splitting the check

Former local blogger Ramona tells us all about it:

There is no greater horror (in a life with few horrors) than getting the check after dining or drinking with a large group of people. The worst worst time is when everyone has cash except for you, so they’re like “How about you put it on your card and we’ll give you money?” That innocent sounding “How about…” always ends with you putting $200 on your debit card and them handing you 16 crumpled ones, and you being like, “What the fuck?” and everyone being like “I put in the correct amount PLUS a little extra for tax,” and then turning back to their conversations to leave you to be evicted from your apartment. The best worst time is when some extremely chill person who has never been out to dinner before is like “Just give me your cash and I’ll put it on my card,” and you’re like “Okay,” but are thinking: welcome to hell motherfucker.

Read on for Ramona’s latest check-splitting horror, at an outdoor bar in Brooklyn.

[Photo by Honey Jets]

16 Responses to “No greater horror in life than splitting the check”

  1. Nickel says:

    It turns out that as your friend group matures this stops happening. I only dread this when I end up at a birthday party or some such event for people I don’t know so well.

    It’s pretty easy to give a shit about your friends, and really that’s all it takes here. Instead of “I gave the correct amount plus tip”, one should ask “I gave, $XX, and my meal was $YY, are we fully covered, or should I toss in a little more?

    It’s really not that difficult.

  2. MrEricSir says:

    They seem to have this figured out in most of Europe. American waiters probably just get a kick out of watching people try to do basic arithmetic after their fourth margarita.

  3. GG says:

    I feel like the real lesson here is, “don’t hang out with assholes.” None of my friends do this. Generally we just divide the check by the number of people anyway… and when we *do* divide it up by items ordered, if we’re short, everyone just chips in a few more bucks. It’s not that big of a deal if the people in attendance care about treating each other fairly.

  4. m says:

    There’s probably an “app” to resolve “issues” like this.

  5. split it even says:

    I don’t miss this aspect of life in my twenties, though at least I was fortunate enough to have a decent-paying job while most of my friends were struggling to make rent. The keys are to always carry cash and not to dine with cheapskates (this includes people who order big knowing that the others will wind up subsidizing it).

    Once everyone becomes an adult, it’s easy – divide the total plus tip by the number of diners.

  6. A says:

    Oh god, the horror. Splitting the check, worst evaar.

    What happened to Mission Mission? Reposting someone’s rant on their “friends” in Brooklyn who can’t pay a tab, is this really part of this Mission-centric blog content these days?

    • mike says:

      “reposting someones rant on their friends in brooklyn” might be the best summary of this city actually. so you lose; mission mission is in line with its audience.

      moar street photogrphy plz

    • m says:

      Slow news day plus aspiring hip still thinking Brooklyn is some sort of Cool Mecca rather than the dumpy shithole it really is.

      But it does have Baby DJ classes, Babycinos (warm milk – and, yes, that is the name used by numerous cafes), and enough “artisanal” shops to keep you on the edge of your seat for months (artisanal mayonnaise? Yeah, they sell it in 3 ounce jars). Maybe MissionMission can start covering that on it’s slow days

      #Brooklyn #bk #mustaches #unicycles

  7. anadromy says:

    Pro-tip: These sorts of situations are actually great opportunities to pare assholes from your social circle. Anybody who weasels out of paying their share is probably going to fuck your boyfriend in a few months.

  8. Brillo says:

    I was interested in this story until “in Brooklyn.” Which, granted, is the end of the post. You win this time, MissionMission!

  9. mike says:

    what my crew usually does is pick the person that made the most $$$ in the latest IPO to pick up the check.

    When I sold my company to google last year I paid for like every meal for my friends. ballin!