The British are coming (in a gay way)

YOU GUYS. The producers of Looking have been hearing our cries! Episode 3 kicks off with a seaman pun that would hold its own in Sex and the City world (where was that show set again?). If my only requirement as a serious television critic is to get a Samantha Jones-inspired pun once in a while, we’re off to a good start.

Here’s why the seaman: the episode begins with Patrick and coworker Owen boarding a docked ship in Alameda to celebrate the launch of a new video game called Naval Destroyer. Patrick meets large-eared Brit Kevin who he hits on unsuccessfully while playing video games, straddling a torpedo. We later discover Kevin could potentially be his new boss. (Note: Does Kevin have kind of a Ricky Gervais-but-hot vibe or am I just racist?)

SAMANTHA: The British are coming, the British are coming! (She’s having sex with a British guy in this one)

Patrick spends the rest of the episode trying to save face and figure out how to get on Kevin’s team while Kevin effs with him a bit (British people are awful!), including telling Patrick he’d been going through his internet history and he should lay off the OK Cupid and Manhunt. Of course, in the end, Patrick decides to take matters into his own hands, designs some bonus shit to show Kevin, only to find out he was going to be picked for the team anyway. Kevin is, nonetheless impressed: “Commitment looks good on you.”

Our other boys? Well, Agustin is fired from his job working for another artist for hating her shitty art. He drowns his sorrows in a piece of cake (READERS: Where?) and meets a cocky, Thor-like sex worker who tells him he’s like sooooo good at sex and makes like sooooo much money. Intrigued, Agustin considers this career path himself.

Meanwhile, our friend Dom with the Tom Selleck mustache decides (in a Bollywood dance class!) that it’s finally time to open his own restaurant, something about Portuguese chicken (fuck your Anglo chicken, Zuni!). We later see him cruising a sauna (SEXY PEOPLE: can you cruise a sauna?), where he befriends Lynn, owner of a floral shop on Castro, an “institution”, and mothereffing Scott Bakula looking not a day over 47 (Note: He’s 59 so way to go, Bak!).

SAMANTHA: I’d like to leap his quantum!
SAMANTHA: I’d like to get behind his candelabra! (She’s having sex with Scott Bakula in both of these)

I liked this episode, you guys. I think the show is starting to get its footing here, and it’s addressing some very San Francisco issues that haven’t much been addressed on TV. Being in your 20s or 30s and ponying up and deciding to do a thing in a city of Peter Pans is something that struck me; it’s difficult to do here vs. in NY or LA, where everyone’s basically just a dick about careers and/or stations in life all the time. “I don’t think either of us are very good at being who we think we are, maybe we should try a little harder,” Patrick says to Agustin. I felt it, dudes.

I am also very interested in the introduction of Lynn, the institution. The relationship between gays over 40ish and younger gays is not something I consider much as a boring straight girl, but I am intrigued: the political vs. liberated, there is a mutual respect but both have gone through different shit and have some unique shit to get over.

And finally, Looking is kind to San Francisco. I can’t tell you how underwhelmed I was by Woody Allen’s San Francisco in Blue Jasmine (BREAKING: Woody Allen hates gay people). Looking features our bars, restaurants, streets, even our public transportation prominently, we are all up in San Francisco and its beautiful views and I dig it.

SAMANTHA: If that’s what they call the San Francisco treat, I’ll take two, honey! (She’s having sex with a San Franciscan in this one)

Spotted in this episode: the Transamerica pyramid, the J-Church, a burrito, Valencia between 16th and 17th, a nonexistent Esta Noche Facebook page, BART, Nellie Street.

The worst gay guy in San Francisco

Looking Season 1 Episode 2: is this show good, you guys? I just finished the second episode of HBO’s Looking, the first cool show to be set and made in SF since forever, and I’m on the fence.

Here’s what happened this week: Agustin moved out of his apartment with Patrick to live with boyfriend Frank in Oakland. Dominick’s ex-methhead ex-boyfriend comes to town, asks for him back. Dominick gets weirded out and effs a li’l short guy in the b, tells the methhead to go eff himself later in some hotel lobby (READERS: where was this?).

Jonathan, the hero of our story (I guess?) goes out with Richie, the Mexican guy from Esta Noche we met last week on the J-Church (I guess?). Jonathan’s buds tell him “real Mexican” guys are probs uncut, so he googles a bunch of dick pics in preparation (as one does). When the two are finally getting down to business (following beers at Doc’s Clock, then an Erasure dance sesh), Jonathan puts foot in mouth while putting dick in mouth and tells Richie that he’d expected him to be “uncut.” Richie gets weirded out, bounces (as one does).

Now lest you already forgot, on last week’s episode, Jonathan weirded his OK Cupid date out by being like “lol I got a HJ in BV park the other day for shits and giggs.” Basically, this show should be called The Worst Gay Guy in San Francisco, because this guy is like SO bad at being gay. If next week’s episode features Jonathan wearing sweat pants at the Folsom Street Fair making AIDS jokes, I’m seriously OUTTA HERE.

The problem with Looking so far is that it’s expected to be the big gay answer to Golden Girls, Sex and the City, and Girls (there was even an extended Golden Girls ref this week), but no one’s ever having any fun. Sex and the City, for one, would have never let a convo re: Mexi peens go by without a cacophony of insane dick puns.

CARRIE: So this guy Richie I’m seeing tonight, he’s Mexican.
SAMANTHA: Mexican? You think he’s got a flauta between his albondigas, or an enchilada?
SAMANTHA: You know, is his tamale wrapped or unwrapped?
MIRANDA: (rolls eyes) Ay carumba.

Oh, and btw, Carrie goes on the date wearing a Versace peasant blouse with a giant macrame parrot on the shoulder and says things like “Ay, papi!” and “Si, senor!” all night. END SCENE.

See how fun that was? The gays deserve better than this, a little respect. I’ll keep watching for Muni spotting alone, but if Jonathan isn’t drunk on top of a piano at Martuni’s by next week, I’m turning this weekly column into a Degrassi Junior High fan fiction hub.

Spotted in this episode: Philz, the Bay Bridge, a Cal T-shirt, Doc’s Clock, the Castro Theater, some gay club.

[Photo by Dashquatch]

Kat and Allan discuss ‘Looking’

Since Looking premiered last night and it’s the first cool show to be set in (and made in) SF since forever, I figured we should do some sort of weekly recap — so I enlisted former Mission Mission editor (and former pro TV blogger) Kat Malinowska. Starting next week, we’ll have proper posts by Kat, but this week all you get is a Gchat:

me: IDEA
me: wanna write a Looking recap every Monday for Mission Mission?
me: doesn’t have to be any better or worse than the average MM post
Kat: you’re in luck, we steal HBO Go from my parents so i get the east cost version
me: excellent!
Kat: fun!
did you watch it?
me: yep!
Kat: the SF locations got me pretty pumped
me: couldn’t believe it, i was AT El Rio yesterday and then I went home and SAW IT ON HBO
Kat: a dream come true!!!
Sent at 10:42 AM on Monday
me: do you have time to do one for this week? otherwise this chat could be this week’s post
like our Mission Street Food review
Kat: nah i’ll start next week
i have no memory of last night besides esta noche and el rio
Kat: whoaaaaa
me: there was that joke about the guy moving in because he can’t afford the city anymore
Kat: also, was that guy working at zuni?
also, which park was jonathan groff cruising?
that shit was woodsy
we cruisin the presidio these days/
me: i think Buena Vista Park maybe?
oh yeah BVP makes way sense
we should probably compare and contrast to Girls as well
who’s the jessa?!
me: do we know yet? maybe we’ll find out next week
Kat: i’ll do some research

Any thoughts?