Carne Asada Fries, Mission Cries

Brainslip paints a sobering alternate history of a Mission under the influence of LA foodstuffs. Carne asada fries are a slippery slope, my friends:

First it started with the dreaded droopy carne asada fry invasion.

Then they took pizza. How could we lose pizza? Well, we did, to a cardboard tasting menace called Dominos, which began to infiltrate the Mission block by block from 30th to Division, Guerrero to Potrero. Heroes fell one after the other – Papa Potrero, Serrano, Cybelle, and perhaps remembered most fondly- Zante.

You can take my Indian pizza from my cold, dead hand.

Next up: tacos – soon deep fried was all they tried – Baja style. No more boiled chicken, shredded pork, sauteed fish, etc.

Scared?  You should be.  It gets worse:

After a year of sensory dullification we lost the only thing that mattered: burgers. In-N-Out opened at 20th @ Valencia. A bikes only drive-thru , how could we resist? Free air, free water, valet bike parking: all so delightful.

First they came for the pizza. And I didn’t speak up because there was too much bufala.

Then they came for the taquerias.  And I didn’t speak up because there was too much pollo asado.

Such SoCalized medicine flooded the streets. Everywhere were carts, huts, & shacks – all shaped in the like of their foodstuffs. A nonstop barrage of fried chicken, chili fries, and pastrami became too much for neighborhood morale. Defeated, they gave up what mattered most, and signed over the rights to their BART tube for conversion to a freeway tunnel.

Oh dear.  Food has consequences. The Great War of the Californias indeed.

6 Responses to “Carne Asada Fries, Mission Cries”

  1. Morgonzo Dos says:

    The only thing I could not agree with here is that is Papa Potrero’s closed we would all be a little happier. Seriously that place is extremely nasty and should be shut down due to health code violations. Not to mention people being murdered in there about a year ago.

  2. Morgonzo Dos says:

    p.s. Carne Asada Fries. Kick so much ass. Don’t hate before you’ve tried them.

  3. there’s no In N Out at 20th and valencia! you had me so excited and googling shit and shit!

  4. ryan says:

    Yeah for reals, who the hell likes their chicken boiled? I’d pay 20 dollars for a well-cooked california burrito that had its meat freshly cooked instead of sitting in some gross plastic bin for 12 hours.

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