Sorority life

College can be a pretty fun experience, and sometimes it’s a little tough to let go and embrace the real world when it’s all over.  That seems to be the case with this Craigslist post from a recent graduate:

Wanted: One big room, full of girlfriends – w4ww – 22 (mission district)

Trendy ladies of the Mission, listen up. I am at my wit’s end. I am a recent transplant to this city from Seattle (don’t I get cool points for that already?) and after four months of hanging with the same three people (also, all transplants), I am at a lost as to how to make new girlfriends. Listen up Carries, Samanthas, Mirandas and Charlottes of the world, I want one big a$$ room full of bada$$ girlfriends. I want to form the trendiest girl group that will knock all other Mission girl groups out of the park. I want us to form the trendiest group where we go biking, brunching, happy-houring, getting trendy a$$ coffee together-ing.

I want it all, and I want to be YOUR best gal pal.

Full listing after the jump…

(Thanks Carolyn!)  [Completely unrelated photo by Carina]

Wanted: One big room, full of girlfriends – w4ww – 22 (mission district)

Trendy ladies of the Mission, listen up. I am at my wit’s end. I am a recent transplant to this city from Seattle (don’t I get cool points for that already?) and after four months of hanging with the same three people (also, all transplants), I am at a lost as to how to make new girlfriends. Listen up Carries, Samanthas, Mirandas and Charlottes of the world, I want one big a$$ room full of bada$$ girlfriends. I want to form the trendiest girl group that will knock all other Mission girl groups out of the park. I want us to form the trendiest group where we go biking, brunching, happy-houring, getting trendy a$$ coffee together-ing.

I want it all, and I want to be YOUR best gal pal.

I am the best gal pal ever. You want to talk about your scumbag boyfriend? Let’s hear it. It’s always about you. You want me to trash that girl who just gave you the once-over and rolled her eyes? No worries girl, I’ll knock that slut down. Her ankle boots are so last season anyway. You want to take 6 shots of tequila with me on a work night? Girl, they’re on me. Hold up, you’re single and want me to set you up? Honey, you can take my boyfriend. He’s yours. I just care about YOUR happiness.

I want the whole gamut. I want you to call me in tears at 3 in the morning about how your life is going nowhere. I want you to want me to give you an in depth Freudian psycho analysis about how if you don’t change your ways, you are never going to be happy. I want us to girl talk about who’s a ho in our group and who is a prude. I want you to hit me up on a lazy Sunday and go flea marketing with me in our cute trendy outfits so we can walk around with our trendy coffee cups and gossip about who we hate more. Girl, don’t even forget our usual walks around Golden Gate Park (because that’s our idea of “leaving” the Mission) and our usual talks about how we have no sex life. Girlfriend, I want to be there for you. I want to knock you around if you start seeing some low-life and convince you to date more “salt of the earth” types, I want to knock back 1, 2, 3 or hell 5 bottles of wine and watch some Bridget Jones Diary. I want you to meet me after work for happy hour at some seedy bar and complain more about your life and then go with me to troll for more low-life men because that’s all we ever stick to.

You want a loyal companion akin to a puppy decked out in Madewell/Urban Outfitters gear? You got it honey. I’m here for you.

Now, hit me up. So we can talk about how you deserve better than *Insert Current Scumbag*. Let’s be trendy girls together.

29 Responses to “Sorority life”

  1. scum says:

    She sounds like lots of fun girlfriend.

  2. tc says:

    You guy-eez!

  3. sfnola says:

    Sounds like you’re most definitely in the wrong part of town…

  4. Zouaf says:

    I’m pretty sure that moving from Seattle to San Francisco gets you cool points in Seattle.

  5. “Girl, don’t even forget our usual walks around Golden Gate Park (because that’s our idea of “leaving” the Mission)[...]”

    This is where the poster blows his parody by inserting his own reflexive sarcasm. Don’t quit your day job yet, wannabe-humorist.

  6. lulu says:

    I’m pretty sure this girl got kicked out of Seattle. Any of my friends up there would have punched her in the face by the fourth use of “trendy”. Any of my non-friends up there would have passive-aggressively made her trendy latte whole milk instead of skinny.

  7. kylem says:

    Sex and the City references? Me thinks she’s a bit older than 22.

  8. Katie C says:

    That photo is way too awesome to be attached to this craigslist ad.

  9. msr says:

    Sounds a lot like the best roomie ever stunt…copycat?

  10. Herr Doktor Professor Deth Vegetable says:

    People who use “trendy” as if it were in any way a positive adjective totally skeez me out.

    • Sweet T says:

      Exactly. Saying someone was “trendy” used to be an insult. It probably still is. It was like the 90s equivalent of the more current “she tries to hard” (are we still using that one?). Maybe that’s just further proof that this is meant to be sarcasm, and that it was written by someone much older than 22.

      And there went another 10 minutes of my lunch hour.

  11. truth says:

    This is fake, yo.

  12. animaldance says:

    sounds like someone from the marina wrote this
    -__-

  13. km says:

    OMGZZZ girlfrieeeends.

  14. trixie says:

    obviously written by a dude who has no clue about women.

  15. Gigantor says:

    No, it sounds like someone in the Mission that wants you to think they’re from the Marina wrote this. Truth ad Kylem are both correct. Solid start (C+ ), but not widely convincing enough to be postable just yet. I encourage you to try again, but this time, note where your insight to hipster cliche’s gave you away and avoid them in the future.

  16. no fish today says:

    I’d like to stick my finger in that honey pot.

  17. Greenland Whale Fisheries says:

    looks like someone from babe haus wrote this

  18. Anon says:

    This is why I moved to Oakland. Well, cheaper rent was also a factor.

  19. Midnight Fapper says:

    fairly well done, 7 out of 10ish, tone it down half a notch. it was good for a chuckle.

  20. EE says:

    Samanthas and Carries? Bridget Jones? Trendy? It’s gotta be fake……

Leave a Reply

Current month ye@r day *