The Dolores Park brand, according to Crate & Barrel

Reader Claire notified us of some interesting new branding over at Crate & Barrel. I have kindly reproduced the listed contents of the Dolores Park set below, for those of you who don’t have 20/20 vision:

  • Burger/bratwurst sauce
  • Barbecue sauce
  • Burger press
  • Insulated cooler tote (not the first insulated cooler bag to be associated with the Dolores brand, by the way)
  • Mini-grill of some Nordic brand

Now, I’m not sure if this is due to the recent “discovery” of the Mission, the growing commercialization of Dolores Park, some disgruntled employees making a funny, or some combination of the above. What I’ve learned is that somewhere, somebody’s idea of Dolores Park involves saucy burgers and the cutest shade of lime green.

Or as Claire would put it:

Game over Dolores Park. Game over.

[Photo via joshuamcgee]

53 Responses to “The Dolores Park brand, according to Crate & Barrel”

  1. siesta says:

    A burger press? Is it really that hard to form a goddamn burger with your hands? If I ever see someone using one of these at Dolores Park, rest assured I’m going to murmur what I just wrote to whatever friend I’m with.

    • Jacob says:

      Don’t forget to roll your eyes.

    • stencil says:

      The press is more for providing weight on top of the burger while on the grill to ensure even cooking than shaping the burger. They’re quite common in commercial kitchens.

      • j says:

        common in commercial kitchens that care more about the shape than the taste of their burger…pressing on a burger while it cooks will only ensure that all of the juices run out leaving you a dry disk of charred meat.

        • manymachines says:

          [Setting aside the ridiculousness of selling a "Dolores Park Brand Burger Press"...]

          This is pretty clearly untrue. The weight of the press is to ensure a more even thickness, which means that the meat cooks more evenly. That way you don’t end up with bulbous meat wads that have to be completely dried out on the edges to be cooked all the way through in the middle.

          • chris says:

            Shockingly, you can care about both the shape and the taste. Hamburgers are not supposed to be glorified meatballs.

    • Victim either way says:

      Wow. The techies have killed the scene. And be careful – they might Murmur something about a blog post they made to a friend. Kill me know and ship my corpse to some place that is not this milquetoast, or as possibly the case with ‘siesta’, full of diabolically clever trolls.

      • GG says:

        I honestly can’t tell whether that comment was a joke or not.

        But seriously, I’m just grateful that nowadays we live in the world of the intertubes, so that we are creating a historical record of how many times Dolores Park has been declared “over.” Twenty years from now, it will be amusing to see how many times this claim has been made, while the park remained relatively unchanged.

      • siesta says:

        I’m cool with being a troll, if it means I’m diabolically clever.

      • siesta says:

        Also, if you don’t want to be in SF, there are easier ways than being murdered and shipped somewhere else.

    • sanfranchristo says:

      That is not actually a burger press (error by Mission Mission), it is a mold for forming patties.

      • sanfranchristo says:

        I should clarify – error by whomever works in Crate & Barrel’s signage department, propagated by Mission Mission.

  2. Nancy Weiner says:

    Yes, it’s so over! I give in. I am going to still go to the park. But I am going to get a baby doll and walk around with a stroller. Yes, I will plant myself right in that old Gay area and wait for the Mo’s to find the next place or trend that I will like five years from now. Then I’ll move in and tell em to take a hike.

  3. aesthete and melancholic says:

    ooooh! and such a tasteful color of green on that cute little grill!

  4. shroominaboomin says:

    Commercialized or not, at least you can still get good drugs there.

  5. MrEricSir says:

    Can the city sue them for selling an item labeled for use at Dolores Park, despite it being prohibited there?

  6. KPatrick says:

    I’m surprised they didn’t call the insulated tote “Cold Beer, Cold Water.”

  7. Jam says:

    Better Than Ever

  8. someJuan says:

    Throw in a Mission Burrito jacket and you’re all set.

  9. LibertyHiller says:

    There’s an ad on TV for one of the art schools (not AofA) that stars a Crate and Barrel designer who claims to live in San Francisco; the background of the ad is very 18th Street. Google tells me the designer in the ad would be one Karey Uhler, so I guess we are seeing some of her work.

    It could be worse: if Ikea were doing this, it would be “Døløres” and “Cümberländ”

  10. Grizzled Mission says:

    It’s a meaningless, random signifier, chosen for cadence, not specific content. When Sally Mann, in Waukegan, Illinois, buys a bottle of the DP barbecue sauce, she’s not participating in some greater discussion about, say, whether gay beach is being inhibited by overzealous cops. She is not making the Park any more or less pleasant to be in. On the “Dolores Park: Done, or Not?” chart, this goes in neither column.

  11. HVD says:

    There’s no grilling allowed in DP! Also no alchohol and drugs umm yah.. whatever..

  12. Teddy says:

    Let’s see how many descriptions I can come up with here…
    - Made of recycled PBR cans
    - The only grill that doesn’t accept meat
    - It’s a grill that looks like grass, perfect for losing!
    - It’s called Dolores Park because it was stolen from Dolores Park

  13. Chris says:

    I just want to say that I’ve been using that green mini grill in Dolores Park for 2 years now – before it was cool.

    If you want to copy me, you’ll also need to drill some extra speed holes in the bottom; it doesn’t take in air very well.

  14. Who Dat says:

    I just saw Lay’s Potato Chips at the Market in “Memphis BBQ” flavor. Does this mean Memphis BBQ is over?? Has the pig sold out to corporate BBQ flavor?

  15. no.thanks. says:

    meanwhile, not a fuck was given. you know crate and barrel design offices are located in sf right? its likely the designer/brander lives in the area or at least knows whats what. pull the hatred out of your mouth and stop complaining about crap for once.

  16. roger clark says:

    lime green deserves respect

  17. rod says:

    Reminds me of being rousted from said park by the SFPD for using my own (non-branded) BBQ grill several years back on the 4th of July. Freedom!

  18. David says:

    Let’s not forget that the Dolo brand has already made it’s way into the Brooklyn hipster fold.

  19. Caroline says:

    This reminds me of when George Bush, Sr used to eat pork rinds to make him look like a regular guy. Looks like an authenticity grab on Crate & Barrel’s behalf more than a reflection of our beloved park to me.

  20. Please says:

    C&B does not have design offices in SF – this collection WAS NOT named after some poor victimized hipster park – stop flattering yourselves

    • Herr Doktor Professor Deth Vegetable says:

      Y’think? Is there some other Dolores Park out there that is more popular and well-known?

  21. K-VON says:

    if you look it up on the c+w website there is no trace of such so-called branding. looks like a local ploy for people to buy it to use in the park. again mission mission is the star magazine of unimportant SF topics.

  22. jlaix says:

    omg dolores park is so last year

  23. Hamburger says:

    The police were actually kinda nice when they caught us grilling at Dolores Park– they let us finish cooking and asked that we just be careful about putting out all the coals safely. But, yeah, you’re not supposed to grill there, fancy green branding or not.

    • Kp says:

      Don’t those cops on motorcycles patrolling Delores park make you feel like you are in a Prison Yard?

  24. Susiefoo says:

    I’ve had the grill for two years and it was not called that when I bought it. However, I noticed someone else’s green grill (at DP) and that’s why I got it. It’s cute. Who cares what it’s called?

  25. Photosnob says:

    The burger press could be a torture device. If left on the hot coals, could provide degree of protection against burger thieves suffering from the munchies.

  26. doloyolo says:

    the name at the top is not the brand name, it’s just a title of the display. untwist those knickers, yo.

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