Mission Mission

It had been on suicide watch since around April, but now the Mission’s only supermarket (is Duc Loi a supermarket? That’s a whole other debate–not helped by an 8pm closing time) appears to be gone for good.  Sure, the prices were atrocious, and the selection wasn’t great, but it was open late (a great boon for folks who didn’t finish up their busy days until 10pm) and the staff was exceedingly friendly.  What will happen to that charming security guard?

Now we are left with the question of what to do with the massive industrial husk left over on South Van Ness.  Do we try to get Trader Joe’s to move in (they are having trouble securing that Market Street location).  Finally move forward with that Peace Park in the parking lot?

What do you think?

Previously:

Not a Very Happy Thanksgiving for DeLano’s Market Employees

Scenes from The Final Days of Delano’s

Sure, we’ve had our fill of crazy tenants, but what about crazy landlords?

Dylan writes:

a friend of mine lives in an apartment in the mission and he receives some of the most insane letters form his landlord you’ve ever seen. He started a blog about it….

Check out these choice bits:

• “You are not my slaves and you can leave this building, to rent at another property or purchase real estate, where you are able to. I am not your slave either, but, I am your victim.”
• “I remember a story, a few year’s ago, in the Mission District. There was a man who fell off of a balcony, at 4:00 am in the morning; from someone’s backyard balcony. He died. It was a party.”
  
• “If you are having sex within my building, I prefer that you be in a heterosexual wedlock with whomever you are having sex with. I am expressing my personal belief and Catholic Christian faith to you.“
• “I am not cursing you, and I do not hope for your destruction, I am just quoting a scripture that might get you to stop bothering us.”
• “I prayed and asked my God, for another company, who would be more affordable. God helped me to find Faith Roofing Company, who helped me to re-roof the roof for $8,500.00.”

The full letters are up at Letters From Judy. Enjoy them in all their low-res glory before Judy finds out and finally evicts this tenant for all the extra-martial sex he’s allegedly been having.

For now…

Next time they get the shai hulud.  In the meantime, it’s off to. . . GG Park?  The golf course?  Where in San Francisco would you need such a vehicle?

Hey, Janebook, throw some reality on our ass, right now:

why is it that EVERY CHEAP ROOM IN THE MISSION is in a houseful of awful losers who won’t let any alcohol or meat in the house or even outdoor-only smoking, won’t let a potential roommate’s significant other spend the night and insist on obnoxious anal retentive policies like weekly house meetings and fucking … chore wheels?

Right!? Fucking chore wheels? It just gets better: read on.

[Photo courtesy of Hippy Kitchens]

Previously:

Room 4 Rent: All Roommates Wear Black-Framed Glasses

Bernalwood has done a fine job highlighting the NIMBY, faux-science opposition to new cell and data towers in San Francisco, and the rather pathetic response by our Board of Sups, using graffiti as NIMBY cover:

All it takes to kill an effort to provide Bernal Heights and our surrounding neighborhoods with some 21st century wireless technology is a group of addled NIMBYs and a thin veneer of recently applied graffiti. But improving service requires a master plan. Which may get written. After some research. Someday. Perhaps.

And there’s a hearing today on cell phone towers and “the City’s beauty”:

The next battle will take place in the lame-duck chambers of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, where progressive Supervisor John Avalos will hold public hearings today on a piece of legislation he introduced (with backing from Bernal Heights Supervisor David Campos) to “regulate the placement of [mobile antennas] in order to prevent telecommunications providers from installing wireless antennas and associated equipment in the City’s rights-of-way either in manners or in locations that will diminish the City’s beauty.”

Even if you don’t read the rest of my diatribe, at least go to Bernalwood to see what you can do.

Unsurprisingly, stupid spreads. Note this recent entertainingly hysterical petition against a proposed cell tower on 24th & Harrison:

To:  San Francisco Planning Commission
24th Street Neighborhood Against Cell Tower on 24th & Harrison

T-Mobile is trying to install an Industrial 6-Panel Facility (Antenna Tower) that is unnecessary, undesirable and not compatible with our predominantly residential neighborhood.

This type of antenna tower contains hazardous materials and equipment. This equipment is going to be installed on a residential building in this densely populated neighborhood.

The backup batteries are made with hydrogen gas, a very explosive substance, and under certain conditions can ignite and explode.

Lower 24th Street Association has done field studies in the surrounding area and has found the coverage is already “good” to “excellent” in our neighborhood, therefore this facility is unnecessary.

The Planning Commission Hearing is scheduled for Thursday, January 13, 2011 beginning at 1:30pm or later in City Hall, 1 Carlton B. Goodlett Place, Room 400

For more information please email Beth at noantennasSF@gmail.com

ZOMG EXPLOSIVE GAS.  And SIX panels!  The end is nigh. (I suggest that you go to this petition and indicate your support for the tower.)

Uptown Almanac recently smacked their collective foreheads upon T-mobile’s spinelessness upon encountering fake-science NIMBYsistance:

Remember back when we laughed at a completely ludicrous protest of NIMBY neighbors claiming that making cellphones work in the northwest corner of the Mission would hurt the children?  Well, guess what, the protest actually fucking worked.  In spite of the fact there is no scientific proof backing their claims that the celltower would cause you to turn into a swamp monster, T-Mobile backed down and withdrew their permit application.

As for AT&T, their poor reception in the Mission is legendary.  A modern day Data Bermuda Triangle, it’s the Sargasso Sea for 3G. I created this animated map from an app that measures signal strength on the iPhone.

Note how the towers are few and far between compared to the rich electromagnetic fields of La Lengua.  (I tried this around Dolores Park and down 18th but it was pointless as I could barely get any meaningful signal.)

Here’s the deal, NIMBYs.  I know you didn’t pay any attention in high school, but it’s been well known since the 17th century that electromagnetic radiation (which has nothing to do with scary Three Mile Island radiation, you nitwits) dissipates according to the inverse square law.

• Unless you are standing right next to the tower, the “radiation” pales in comparison to the energy transmitted by your cell phone.
• The fewer cell phone towers there are, the harder your cell phone has to work to talk to them.  Which means your phone starts beaming EVEN MORE ENERGY INTO YOUR SKULL.
• More cell phone towers means your phone uses LESS energy to transmit (and your battery lasts longer too, which does me little good as I then am more likely to have to listen to whatever hypocritical conversation you happen to be having on your radiation transmission device).

And Board of Sups, be forewarned: San Francisco has 7081 bachelor and college degrees per square mile, the highest in the country. Even in your district, Mr. Campos: the 94110 holds over 18,000 residents (34%) with at least a 4 year degree that are capable of the most rudimentary critical analysis of your record and not voting for you again. (Not that you need a degree to figure this out.)

(image via Bernalwood)

As Senator Daniel Moynahan once said, “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.”

Corollary:  Science: it works, bitches. (XKCD)

As for what you can do, follow the lead of Bernalwood:

Supervisor Avalos will hold a hearing on his proposal today at 1 pm in front of the City’s Land Use Committee. If you can’t attend the meeting (because you have, you know, a job and a life) public comment can be submitted via Alisa Somera in the Clerk’s office at 415.554.4447 or Alisa.Somera@sfgov.org. (NOTE: Be kind to Alisa, please. The legislation isn’t her idea, nor her fault.)

Diatribe off. Back now to your regularly scheduled hipster news.

MrEricSir thought those “My life is San Francisco, my home is Parkmerced” ads were dumb and came up with some of his own:

My life is waiting 45 minutes for the M Oceanview, my home is Parkmerced

My life is SFSU and smoking weed, my home is Parkmerced

My life is getting lost in traffic circles, my home is Parkmerced

I’m from a terrible central valley town named Modesto. Every time I see “Parkmerced” I think of the neighboring city of Merced and wonder why anyone would want that association. Just about the only thing it had going for it was the Fatty Mocha, an illegal coffee shop + punk venue + crash pad run by a stoner punk rocker named Darren. I had my first show ever there with my high school ska band. I also probably got drunk for the first time ever off beers he bought for us. Man, what happened to that guy?

Back to the subject: Why stop there? MrEricSir went on to come up with slogans for other ‘hoods:

My life is being invaded by the Chinese, my home is North Beach

My life is your art school, my home is Union Square

My life is SoCal, my home is the Marina

My life is a non-profit arts collective, my home is the Mission

Get the rest here. Or hell, comment with your own if you’re so smart.

[original photo by ATIS547]

Cari Tuna over at the Wall Street Journal tells us what’s up in the Mission:

In the Mission District, onetime automotive shops are proving a popular choice for group housing. Near the 16th Street Bay Area Rapid Transit station, a cohort of 20-something software developers, a musician and a photographer has lived on the second floor of a large former auto-body shop since last year.

Johnny Hwin, 25, a musician and Web entrepreneur, says he inherited the apartment from residents who added bedrooms, a bathroom and a kitchen over the last several years. One roommate sleeps in a former elevator shaft that once lifted vehicles to the building’s second floor.

Read on.

Cari Tuna.

[Photo by Anomolous_A]

Over at Salon, local sexpert Tracy Clark-Flory looks at why gals are more into binge drinking than they used to be:

I’m more likely to order a beer and a shot of whiskey than a cosmo. I like to go against stereotypes like that. It is cocky and perhaps foolish — but, then again, the same can be said for my male friends when it comes to drinking. I might be driven by some vaguely third-wave feminist desire to “keep up with the boys” — but plenty of “the boys” are driven to keep up with each other, lest they appear unmanly. This is binge culture, and it isn’t strictly male or female anymore, as female like to enjoy themselves as well, and they even get toys like the superb G-spot vibrator to enjoy with a partner or by themselves.

It’s on! Also, read on for more on the special health effects (and sexual assault effects) of binge drinking when you’re a woman.

[Photo by Carina]

Previously:

Drunk Girls and Chicharrones

In case you wanted to know, Maxfield’s House of Caffeine at 17th/Dolores is now your go-to place for all “analog text message” cheesecake conventions. Commenter A should have done their homework, but we’ll forgive them because the analog message boards of yesteryear regrettably don’t come with Google built-in.

So how do you feel about digital cheesecake?