Mission Mission

SFist has the scoop:

You might remember the incident, huh? About 9:45pm last night, heading north. Why would I know the time, well I had to look at my cell phone to keep my eyes from looking over as you pulled his cock through his jeans and into your mouth.

How could we all not notice you? You were so ugly and those boobs were so little it was just obvious. Then the guy you were with looked like Billy Bob Thorton in “Slingblade”. Except even weirder looking. Quite a pair.

It gets better and better. Link.

This heartbreaking reenactment is the latest from Imsoooconfused, our favorite vlog.

Found this in the Missed Connections. What’s with the discrimination, Quirky Girl?

Quirky Girl with tatoos and piercings at Ritual Coffee – m4w – 41 (mission district)

You rode up on your tricked-out vintage one-speed. Stood in line for coffee looking like you knew what you were doing, very confident on your turf. You wore a “fuck bush” t-shirt, wide belt with studs, jeans, converse. Hair dyed blue–messy. Vintage Ray-Bans rested on your nose. I thought it was love at first sight, but as I smiled at you, you sneered back! Ouch! It was then I realized I was wearing a kelly green polo, khakis, and boat shoes–hair combed straight. Shit! I forgot to wear my mission-hipster outfit!! Did I lose a chance at you? Please give me another shot at it!!

Signed,
hopelessly unhip.

Link, or click thumbnail to enlarge.

On Friday, the makers of StreetWorthy celebrate the release of their second issue. Following is an excerpt from A View from a Broad by Lexi De Rock, just one of a number of contributions to this handsome volume. We find the protagonist in a loud Parisian nightclub right as some loud German guy notices the thing around her neck:

“You are Jew?” thump thump thump

“What? Oh yeah, Star of David. Yes.” bow chicka bow chicka

“That’s cool, that’s cool. I like Jew.” thump thump thump

“Yeah, me too.” bow chick bow chicka

“It’s kind of satanic seeming, yes?” eeeer schreech

“Sorry what?” cricket cricket

“The star looks like satanic star, no?”

“Oh like, like that pentagram star sort of thing?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, I guess so. A little.” cricket cricket

“Oh, that’s cool.”

“Uh huh.”

“There are many Jews in America?” thump thump thump

“Yeah, I guess.” Bow chicka bow chicka

“How is that working out for you?” thump thump

“Sorry? What?” bow chicka

“Having so many Jews? How is that working out for you?” thump thump

“Uh, good?” bow chicka

“Good, good. That’s very cool.” bow chicka

“Yeah, it is.” thump thump thump…

Wanna read more? Pick up a commercial inflatable park copy of StreetWorthy #2 soon at Needles + Pens, Modern Times, Dog Eared, Aquarius, or possibly Little Otsu.

Possibly related posts:

• Theodor Herzl ‘If you will, it is no dream’ stencil graffiti
• KQED Reviews Some Zines, Dismisses Blogs As Less Special

From Missed Connections:

We met outside of Delirium. We went to my house and I got the best BJ of my life. I wanted to say thankyou, that was aufblasbarer hindernisparcours insanley good.You are a sweet little schoolgirl, and you made my week!
I would have called for a repeat, but your number is illegible. Maybe I will see you again at the bar.
Thanks again.

Ladies: Don’t line up all at once!

Link. Or click thumbnail to view.