Our pal Dan went to an event called West Coast Craft last week and THERE WERE TITTIES EVERYWHERE WHAT DOES IT MEAN????
Now please enjoy this list of titty-related Mission Mission posts from over the years…
Why does Airbnb need a campaign headquarters you ask? Why, because they’re running for President of the New World Order, of course!
Capp Street Crap was on the scene:
The battle against a Nov. 3 ballot initiative to put the reins on vacation rentals will be led from the corner of 20th and Mission streets.
This afternoon, supporters of Airbnb-sponsored San Francisco for Everyone were busy cleaning windows on the former T-Mobile space at 2401 Mission St. Desks had already been set up inside, although a woman working outside told me their campaign office won’t officially open there until August 15.
Read on for lots more on the space and the campaign itself.
— Capp Street Crap (@cappstreetcrap) August 5, 2015
For instance, yesterday I was sitting in the park and a group of dudes sat down near me and started talking very loudly about a number of things.
One of them pointed out that big new high rise, in the background of the above photo, to the right of Mission High’s bell tower. He says a colleague of theirs is moving in to a 2-bedroom condo there.
“Guess how much he’s paying? … Fifty-eight!!”
He’s moving in next week and doesn’t have a roommate lined up any time soon, but he’s not worried about it. He’s just been promoted to senior developer at Netflix, says his friend, by way of explanation. It’s just $5800 a month.
“I get it, living in the high rise, with the view — and if you wanna fuck a bitch, in the window, and be all like, ‘This is MY city.’ ”
I get it.
Apparently the guy’s rationale is that he’s worked really hard for a long time living in shitty places and hasn’t really lived his life. And now he’s been promoted and he’s breaking up with girlfriend because she’s moving to Chicago and he can’t leave the Bay Area and doesn’t want to do the long distance thing. So now he’s ready to live his life. Gotta have a ridiculous condo.
The group speculated as to why their friend didn’t get a place in SoMa, so as to be closer to the train, and then they changed topics and started talking about a video game where there’s a woman who works for you, and you can turn her into a dog.
And then they started talking about whether or not they should “get another bottle of Chenin.”
Netflix is great though. BoJack Horseman and Kimmy Schmidt are the two best shows on TV right now if you ask me.
[PHOTO REDACTED BECAUSE I'M NICE, BUT IT WAS REALLY GOOD. CONTROL IS AN ILLUSION.]
Writer and “former startup person” Kate Imbach (not pictured) tells us about it in a new story called “A Woman in Tech,” using a fictional world where animals (of varying spots on the food chain) run tech companies:
I’m the only female swan in the office of a very successful start-up. Vanity Fair and Fortunehave profiled our CEO, a handsome teenage grizzly bear. He has no idea what he’s doing. He lumbers around, throwing fish from the $100,000 custom aquarium (we still aren’t even profitable!) into his mouth, talking about how great salmon is for his fur while the rest of us fill out spreadsheets and make him rich. Only in San Francisco could you have a CEO who hibernates for six months a year.
The bear has a temper. If something displeases him during a meeting he roars and growls like a madman. During these outbursts I roll my eyes at the golden retrievers from sales while the bear’s assistant, an aggrieved sparrow, tries to feed him whichever cold-pressed juice BuzzFeed says is best for nerves. Watching a bird try to feed a bear an $8 bottle of juice is enough to keep a draft of my resignation letter in a secret folder, believe me.
The worm asks me to lunch almost every day, and occasionally out of professional decorum I feel obliged to eat with him. Last week as we waited for our orders in a café, he sank back into his sticky tube of a body, looked me up and down and asked, “Hey now, so how do you keep so fit?”
Ick. Read on for lots more.
It’s by Ramona Emerson, one of the best writers of all time:
The weird thing about working all day everyday is that you’re going to die. and when you die you’re dead forever. Like who is the person who said, “I know. Five days will be for work and two days will be for brunch and everything else good.” That person must have hated people. And the thing is we just go along with it like there’s some kind of biological imperative to work five days a week. Like evolutionary psychology could be made to explain it just like it is made to explain everything that no one wants to deal with. You’re 28 and salad is the best part of your day.
People have such weird ideas about work. If you told your mom you hated your boyfriend and he made you want to die, she would be like, “Break up with him!” But if you told your mom that you hated your job and it made you want to die, she’d be all, “Maybe you need to adjust your expectations.”
Offices are so strange. It’s so hard to know what’s going on in them. Are other people working? It’s impossible to say since for a lot of people working has become indistinguishable from fucking around on the internet.
Read on for lots more, including bathroom sex fantasies and spinach and goat cheese salad.
Well, it’s going to have skateboards, and it’s for Google +, which of course fit together naturally like peanut butter and jelly, right? And it’s going to be somewhere in the vicinity between 20th and 25th Street and Valencia and Harrison, which is actually a pretty damn big area to cover. Oh, and there’ll also be some filming on that steep part of Liberty between Guerrero and Valencia, but no mention of skateboards for that part, so anyone hoping for some sick hill bombing is going to be quite disappointed.
Hmmm, Google + and skateboards? That’ll get the millennials back. Sure.
Almost makes you want to print up some posters telling tech workers they’re hated and they should leave.