Mission Mission

I asked Devin if he’d had any kind of formal self-defense training or anything:

No, not really. I went to military school when I was younger, but I’ve always been a badass.

Good to know. Watch your backs if you ever visit Sac I guess. And try to hang with a badass like Devin.

Previously:

Critical Mass Sacramento

So Delano’s is dead, and we’re all bummed for its former employees, but why the big fence around the parking lot? Why they gotta shut down our sweet shortcut?

Previously:

Don’t Fence Me In

Fenced In!

Okay, maybe not “wrecks.” But there had to be some damage. Shame on you, SF Bay Guardian.

Previously:

Do-It-Yourself Yellow Journalism Machine

This one, spied by longtime tipster Kati J., appears to be a much more youthful victim than yesterday’s. And it looks as though the killing took place in a more secluded place. The killer’s tastes are evolving, and he is getting craftier.

Reader Clay W. needs our help:

I walked outside of Mission Cliffs and my Specialized Langster had been freshly stolen! The cable that locked my bike to the poll was laying on the ground. Right next to it was a cruiser bike with leather handlebars and the lights still blinking (whoever stole my bike took the time to put the kickstand up). I waited around for 15 minutes and talked to people at the scene who agreed that I should take the cruiser.

Now I have a new cruiser bike that was probably stolen from some poor hipster girl. What’s the ethical thing to do in this situation??

I’m pretty sure this shady CL add is for my stolen bike.

A tree identified as Douglas Fir was found dead on 20th and Folsom this morning. Early reports indicate cause of death was dehydration after the victim was dismembered and forced to stand upright using an elaborate anchoring mechanism. Scarring on the limbs detail that the victim was bound with electrical wire and forced to wear weighted objects during this agonizing period of torture.

The perpetrators are still at large and their motive is still unknown.

[via calwong]

Fox Reno reports:

A 20-year-old man suffered life-threatening injuries in a shooting in San Francisco’s Mission Dolores neighborhood on Friday night, one of two that occurred that night.

The shooting was reported at 10:58 p.m. Friday at the intersection of 20th and Dolores streets, San Francisco police Lt. Troy Dangerfield said.

The victim was standing on a corner of the intersection when a suspect approached and shot him multiple times before fleeing on foot, Dangerfield said.

Read on.

Tonight we find more mistreatment of animals.

First they put dead herons on signs, then we all eat dead animals in restaurants*, and now our internet friend/troll Cranky Old Mission Guy has been piecing together what looks to be some kind of bizarre criminal act. The evidence is as follows.

The head of a chicken.

The head of a reindeer.

The weapon?!?!

And finally, the suspects:

Actually, Crank has a better description of this scene:

“(left-to-right) Fred’s white girlfriend, Fred, and some neighborhood activist they don’t know, who is interrupting their make-out session.”

Seriously, that chicken head makes me sad. And I do feel mean about joking about a dead animal’s head lying on the ground. But I eat meat, so I obviously don’t have much regard for a chicken’s life or treatment. (sigh)

*I know.

UPDATE: Thanks to Crank’s fine detective work, the prime suspect has been apprehended!

Our buddy Rick from Twenty-Something Wisdom witnessed a troubling exchange in line at Denver International:

Agent: “Back to Florida, eh?”
Passenger: “Yup, a whole lot warmer down that w…”
Agent: “Yeah, but I can out drink you.”
Passenger: “…”
Agent: “I went and visited my friends down there, drank ‘em ALL under the table, AND drove us all home.”

Yikes. What a brag.

(Artist’s recreation of the crime)

In just the most recent example of the rampant squirrel problem facing The Mission these days, a squirrel squirrelled his way into Zeitgeist yesterday and used his tiny little dirty claws to scratch at the bar’s decorative wall hangings. Animal Control came to pick him up, but he squirrelled out of the cage and scampered up a tree.

This just hits home what we all have long known to be true: our neighborhood is being taken over by squirrels. Sure, they were here first, but that’s no excuse to allow them to scurry willy-nilly all about, terrorizing pigeons and rats alike. I think I speak for us all when I say that something must be done about these little beasts. If the Board of Supervisors aren’t willing to put their feet down on the problem, I’ll stamp out these nut jobs myself.

Oooooh. Wait. Sorry. It was a man, a squirrelly man. Oooops. Never mind.

Misread at SFist.