Super big gay dance party

If you’ve never experienced the magic that is Hard French, the wildly irreverent courtyard party thrown at El Rio on Saturdays, then you clearly aren’t doing this whole “livin’ in the Mission” thing right.  Luckily, this Saturday is your big chance to ameliorate that transgression, as Hard French is teaming up with Stay Gold and Mango to throw the most hella gay dance party afternoon of the year (so far) from 3-8pm.  Not only will there be rad jams and most likely a glitter kiddie pool, but your admission ($7-500 sliding scale) will help save the Dyke March which is in danger of being cancelled this year (and possibly forever) due to serious financial difficulties.  Check out all the deets here.

You’ve been warned, so don’t screw it up this time.

[Photo by Primo]

Win tickets to Girls With Guns and Mermaid Bones at El Rio this Saturday

David is in Mermaid Bones, a band named after the secret ingredient in Clearasil.

He wants to give you, reader, two VIP guest list spots for his show at the glamorous El Rio bar this Saturday. This means you get into this girl-themed show for free, get to hang out with the bands “backstage” (aka that weird alley between the main bar and the show room where you put your drums between sets), and can play shuffleboard against the winner of the last game if you pay for the next round.

Ok, so you could do most of those things anyway. But still, free show.

Here’s the scoop:

My band, Mermaid Bones, is playing a show at El Rio this Saturday with Girls with Guns and Go Going Gone Girls. It’s gonna be the cat’s meow. Anyhoo, here’s an idea: could we have a contest on yer blog – best autobiographical story about almost drowning wins 2 spots on the guest list for the show…. whatdyathink? Here’s a link to the Facebook event.

So just leave a comment with your story about almost drowning and a real email address, David will pick the winner this Friday, and he’ll hook you up. It’s that easy.

Hard French @ El Rio This Saturday

Jorge P. sent us a note about the inaugural event for a cool dance/BBQ party he’s throwing at El Rio:

The idea behind the event is that we want to modernize, takeover, revamp, trick out, revive, do up, the Outdoor Afternoon Dance Party Scene in the Mission… We want a party for everyone, a party, where drag queens mingle with lesbians, leather daddy’s soul dance with cholas, sharps share hot dogs with activists, jocks make out with twinks, brown meets white meets purple meets gay guy meets ladies meets q and everyone leaves with excited feelings for the next party.

The party is being Dj’d by Resident DJ newcomers and soul music wizards Dj Carnitas and DJ Brown Amy. They along with the rest of the Hard French crew are our music curators and throughout the summer, promise to bring it! with live bands, guest dj’s, performers and the like. All in the spirit of the maximum that is Mission SOUL Afternoon Dance and Food.

BBQ and Soul music! A bunch of subcultures which I’m not familiar with!! Sounds like a cool way to spend a Saturday. See the flyer for details.

Only thing is, I don’t know what the French have to do with it. Some say that the term “barbecue” comes from the French “barbe à queue, meaning “beard to tail” which sounds like how you would grill a hipster furry. That’s right, I made a crack about cannibalism, hipsters, and furries! If you were offended by all three simultaneously, we’d like to hear from you.

Tonight: Balkan Brass for Haiti @ El Rio

I know.  You want to do your part for Haiti, but you’ve already stuffed your face to the limit with Bi-Rite bake sale goodies and texted 90999 from your mom’s cellphone at least twenty times.  Well, there’s more!

Mutual Aid Disaster Relief in Haiti is hosting a benefit tonight at El Rio (Mission @ Caesar Chavez) featuring quite a diverse collection of musical performances.  Headlining is Brass Menažeri, a frenetic, cascading rhythm of Serbian, Macedonian, Greek & Rajasthani Roma.

Other acts include the percussive jazzy stylings of Ezra Lipp and Ofir Uzier; Sean Lee with some one-man-banjo old timey twanging; Arthur Adams strumming some Haitian pop guitar (H-Pop>J-Pop?); and of course the Mission’s own La Corde opening everything up with some loud punk rock.  Makes sense, right?

$1 PBR and $2 well drinks!  Determine your own legacy of generosity at the door with a sliding scale that starts at only $5.  The music begins promptly at 8pm.

The Trifles Tonight @ El Rio

If you like listening to a proper English gal sing about anal sex, hot water bottles, and proper cunnilingus technique in a punky cabaret backdrop, you’ll love the Trifles! They are playing tonight at El Rio at around 9pm with the Barbary Coasters, and the Cheshire Rock Opera.

These guys are awesome and I wish they would play more often. Singer Linda Robertson is hella talented. She plays a bunch of instruments, was Miss Accordion San Francisco 2004, and is the author of a high-larious memoir “What Rhymes With Bastard“.

Here’s a video of them playing at the Makeout Room last year:

Mission & Valencia (1886 – Present)

Wha?  What are you doing here?  You should be off reading Burrito Justice, a blog that does actual RESEARCH.


This morning, B.J. did a bang-up job of outlining the past 123 years on Valencia/Mission, in honor of El Rio’s 31st birthday.  I suggest you take a look at this fantastic post, especially if you love San Francisco history (HELLO!  Remember how much you loved  Milk?).  Thanks to Burrito Justice for picking up our slack.

[Note: The bar in the image above is totally not El Rio.  What, I have time to comb through archives all of a sudden?]

El Rio Turns 31

Broke-Ass Stuart alerts us to El Rio‘s 31st anniversary party.  Tonight at 8 p.m. and free!


“Bands/Dj’s, BBQ, Games and You!”, their website reads.

Happy birthday to this neighborhood institution!

El Rio Oyster Party!

Free oysters at El Rio?!  Now I’ve heard everything!


Yes, it’s true.  Free Tomales Bay oysters every Friday at 5:30 p.m.  Go on and slam back a couple.  Rumor has always had it that oysters are aphrodisiacs, after all – though pervy ole Wikipedia posits we might just all think that cuz of their “soft, moist texture and appearance.”

Get it?  They look like vaginas.

Thanks to Grub Street for the tip.