Mission Mission

Pontificating on the frustrating nature of bike security in the comments thread of a recent post about ninja-like bike thievery, reader Tiny Tim elucidates a creative solution:

Best to use Bagel Lox. Smell stays on thief’s hands and then you can trace him. Cream cheese also makes it slippery.
Bagel Lox–wherever fine lox are sold.

Think about it!

[Photo by Jesse Friedman]

I mean, you’re innocent until proven guilty, right? Right.

Also, the vandalism may be alleged, but the excellent penmanship is confirmed.

[Photo by Talent Is An Asset]

Whoa! Epic!

Did a crazy celebrity shout this in a TV interview this morning, or did a crackhead shout it near 17th and Capp last night?

Janebook has the answer here.

Am I right?

See it? I was hoping she was gonna light it up, but she just kept strollin’ right on down Bryant Street.

I’ve never been a smoker, but I’d have had a puff, had she offered.

Have you ever heard of such a thing? What a heist!

The bike’s owner, Katie E., was not exactly impressed:

I had 2 chained to the sign. They cut the sign, took one (red puch maxi) and left the other, shown in the photos.

Every mopeder in sf knows about this and we’re gonna find that shit fucker who took it. I worked hard to make that bike. I didn’t just buy it. Other people were really nice about teaching me what to do, so I’m pissed that their time went into making something that some douche gets to have.

She’s not kidding. I’m no mopeder, but I used to do karaoke every Wednesday with a moped gang called the Landsquids, and they were some tough customers. Look out, shit fucker!

Asked to elaborate on the plight this thief is sure to face, Katie E. elaborates:

Hey dickwad, if that thing breaks, you won’t be able to fix it without buying parts from my friends. If you part it out, youll earn, like, $.99 an hour for the time it takes you. You want a trophy? You want to prove a point? Ok, you proved it. You’re too fucking retarded to know the difference between a cute bike and a good bike. Go flush your head down the public toilet on Powell and Market. Or better yet, go ride the maxi out one night and my crew will gladly facilitate the experience.

Blam! Tough customers!

Anyway, I guess don’t go thinking that if you lock your vehicle to a steel post stuck in solid concrete that it’s safe.

(Thanks for the tip, Susan!)

You be the judge. The sound is important:

(Thanks, ejcsanfran!)

If you missed the Street Threads opening at Density on Saturday, don’t fret. The show will be up for a while longer, so stop in any time and see if you see yourself up on the wall or in the official Street Threads book.

The opening looks like it was a good time though, as you can see here.

Ciudad de Rad made it up to the Seward Slides on a dry enough day that they weren’t barricaded shut. Watch the video here and get hell of jealous.