Mission Mission

Cooked all the way through? It’ll be nice and crispy on the outside, moist and tender on the inside? Yum?

[Photo by Nattles]

Okay, it was dusk, but it’s Daylight Savings Time for god’s sake, and the lights of the Roxie marquee light up this block just as well as the sun does.

In any case, a mid-30s-ish bike thief with a chinstrap-ish mustache, caucasian, crouched down by a locked bike, snapped the cable lock with a totally surreptitious tool, and sped off before my mildly buzzed happy hour companion was able to put two and two together.

And this was all also in full view of the vigilant crew in the Roxie box office, but, again, the thief worked so fast and cool that nobody noticed.  It took seeing the broken lock left behind on the sidewalk for my friend to give any thought to what had happened.

A.) We know, you use a cable lock, it’s your own fault. B.) Still, bike thieves in this city are good — they’re like ninjas — so don’t get too comfortable, even if you have a proper lock. C.) Keep your eyes peeled and your minds sharp! As soon as my friend said, “Hey, why did that guy leave his lock, on the ground?” I shot up, yelled “BIKE THIEF,” ran outside, but it was too late.  A few seconds sooner, we might’ve had a collar. (Or at least a better blog post.)

The free crepes at Dalva (with grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, feta and olive) were hell of good though.

Horrific!

But Podboy is a joy. Read Podboy’s somewhat cryptic explanation of this unholy mashup here.

I was gonna be all, “Who would want a warm beer?” But c’mon, hipster parties always feature a big warm box of Pabsts sitting on a counter getting warmer and warmer with every passing second. Maybe somebody needs to invent a party-ice cinch to go with that six-pack cinch everybody loves so much.

I like the glasses though. I need that color.

P.S. This looks pretty dangerous, right?

[Photo by Alister Cameron] [via Lindsey]

Girls Girls Girls is down in South America somewhere right now, in a town where horses behave like pigeons. They’re wild, they’re dirty and sickly, and they eat trash. What a world!

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Some print publication wanted to know:

[via Janebook, who tagged this item "KRESHNA KOUMA KEEPS IT REAL"]

Kickass NASA trick, Bailey!

The party starts at 4pm, goes til 8. Broke-Ass Stuart tells us what’s what:

Every Sunday, from 4pm – 8pm (or until I get my hands on it), FREE vegetarian fare is served, along with a slew of drink specials.  The food changes weekly, but past dishes have been eggplant lasagna with homemade dough, roasted butternut squash soup and vegetables, and spicy pad thai with crunchy peanut sauce.  Repeat after me:  Hells to the yes!

Read on!

[Photo by Robert Kissinger]

Chelsea, I really hope you purchased this gem.

It’s right up there with Primo’s “nasty” shirt. The only thing that would be better is a Bartenator vs. Bartbo hoodie.

From the “talent gigs” section on Craigslist:

Starting a carnival: Looking for weird ass people (mission district)

Are you weird?

Were you born with webbed toes? do you eat fire? are you a midget with a strange skill? Are you a man with a normal sized body and one huge bicep? are you a 7 foot tall woman with gigantic boobies? do you have two noses?

If any of the things mentioned above ring a bell, or if you’re just plain weird…then we want you!

Why? Because we’re starting a carnival. In the Mission. Preferably at Dolores park.

We need performers! Look, the economy sucks, so if you’re not up on the modern man’s hustle (aka startups, aka taking money from rich people to sit in the Summit all day and look for yourself on missed connections) then you’re probably sitting in Dolores Park doing nothing but drinking PBR and smoking weed. So why not get paid in PBR and weed for what you’re already doing for free?

Here’s your chance. Be weird.

• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: PBR, weed, grilled cheese, or whatever else the citizens of Dolores park decide to pay us in.

PostingID: 2259197128

Talent is an asset! As is having deformities!

I would definitely pay somebody a grilled cheese for the chance to regard their pair of noses.

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