‘The Hipster Guide to San Francisco’

Didn’t get your fill of hackneyed hipster humor this week? You poor thing! Well check this baby out. In this video, a couple of young vacationers want to know what this whole San Francisco “hipster” thing is about, consult the ultimate hipster guide (Lonely Planet travel books, of course), then hit up such hipster hot-spots as Blazing Saddles bicycle rentery, Ritual Coffee Roasters, Aquarius Records, and Dolores Park. This stuff writes itself!

Of course, the first things I thought when I saw this were,”uhhh, that is not a single speed bike,” and, “aren’t those shots of Mars Vintage and Rasputin in Berkeley?” I guess that makes me a you-know-what-ster.

5 Responses to “‘The Hipster Guide to San Francisco’”

  1. Corpus Nerd says:

    Are You A Hipster? Take the quiz and find out!

    1. The Rapture is

    a) What happens at the end of the world

    b) Not as good as Moving Units

    c) A new brand of Jeans

    d) Why I go to church

    e) Overrated

    2. The Postal Service is

    a) What I use to mail things

    b) Ben Gibbard’s side project

    c) A punk band

    d) A new coffee shop

    e) A website

    3. Screaming Females is

    a) My favorite porn site

    b) A new ride at Six Flags

    c) The best new band of 2010

    d) An S&M club

    e) A kind of candy

    4. Converse is

    a) What I do at dinner

    b) Not as cool as vintage cowboy boots

    c) What I have been wearing since 1992

    d) Inappropriate attire for my workplace, home, or school

    e) Cooler if you wear Jack Purcells

    5. Thurston Moore is

    a) A 16th century English Baron

    b) A writer for Warner Brothers

    c) A catcher for the Seattle Mariners

    d) A God

    e) My friend on MySpace

    6. Calvin Johnson is

    a) A true poet of the age

    b) A wide receiver for the Detroit Lions

    c) A guy I went to high school with

    d) An insurance broker

    e) An idiosyncratic modification of a soy chai latte

    7. I wear vintage clothes because

    a) I’m poor

    b) It’s a way of protesting consumerism

    c) It’s funny

    d) I shop at Macy’s

    e) Used clothing is gross

    8. I ride a

    a) Cinelli

    b) Vespa

    c) Mo-Ped

    d) Chevy Trailblazer

    e) Bus

    9. Emo is

    a) A word for spoon in the Eskimo language

    b) A large flightless bird that lives in Australia

    c) A religion founded by Ian MacKaye

    d) My own personal style

    e) I have no idea

    10. I’m vegan because

    a) It’s wrong to eat animals

    b) It’s cool to be really skinny

    c) I’m not vegan

    d) I had a hamburger for lunch

    e) I volunteer for PETA

    11. I studied _______ in college

    a) Business

    b) Criminology

    c) Biology

    d) Graphic Design

    e) American Literature

    12. South By Southwest is

    a) The best Alfred Hitchcock film

    b) Not as cool as it used to be

    c) Where I met my husband or wife

    d) A real estate convention

    e) The direction in which I walk to get to 7-11

    13. PBR is

    a) My favorite beer

    b) A good beer for the price

    c) The most ethical beer based on it’s ties to unions

    d) Not as cool as it used to be

    e) A terrible drink that only stupid and poor people would buy

    14. Levi’s jeans are:

    a) For yuppies desperately trying to prove their American-ness

    b) Not as cool as Cheap Monday or Nudie Jeans

    c) I try and buy vintage and usually remove any labels because it’s more authentic

    d) Inappropriate attire for my workplace, home, or school

    e) On sale at Urban Outfitters

    15. Myspace is

    a) A place for friends

    b) Still a good place to put out your band’s music and network with other musicians

    c) Inappropriate for my workplace, home, or school

    d) Not as cool as Friendster

    e) Where I meet prostitutes

    16. Make Out Club is

    a) A bar

    b) An underground kissing club

    c) Where I met my husband or wife

    d) I have no idea

    e) An online social network that was cooler than Myspace and Friendster and Facebook combined

    17. Eminem is

    a) Stupid

    b) My favorite musician

    c) A candy that melts in your mouth

    d) Noteworthy for his work with Dr. Dre

    e) Inappropriate for my workplace, home, or school

    18. Urban Outfitters is

    a) Where I shop

    b) For young people

    c) Revolutionizing the fashion industry

    d) For posers

    e) What is Urban Outfitters?

    19. Blogging is

    a) A waste of time

    b) Fun

    c) Where I write poetry

    d) A serious breach of personal privacy

    e) How I make a living!

    20. Green Day is

    a) Something to do with St. Patrick’s Day

    b) The best punk band ever

    c) Somehow becoming cool again in a highly and unexpected circular fashion

    d) The way I mark my calendar when I start my diet

    e) Annoying because the lead singer uses a fake British accent


    1. a) 1 b) 5 c) 3 d) 2 e) 4
    2. a) 1 b) 5 c) 3 d) 2 e) 4
    3. a) 1 b) 4 c) 5 d) 3 e) 2
    4. a) 2 b) 4 c) 5 d) 1 e) 3
    5. a) 2 b) 3 c) 1 d) 5 e) 4
    6. a) 5 b) 1 c) 3 d) 2 e) 4
    7. a) 3 b) 4 c) 5 d) 2 e) 1
    8. a) 4 b) 3 c) 5 d) 1 e) 2
    9. a) 3 b) 2 c) 5 d) 4 e) 1
    10. a) 5 b) 4 c) 1 d) 2 e) 3
    11. a) 1 b) 2 c) 3 d) 4 e) 5
    12. a) 3 b) 5 c) 4 d) 1 e) 2
    13. a) 2 b) 3 c) 4 d) 5 e) 1
    14. a) 4 b) 2 c) 5 d) 1 e) 3
    15. a) 3 b) 5 c) 2 d) 4 e) 1
    16. a) 2 b) 3 c) 5 d) 1 e) 4
    17. a) 5 b) 2 c) 3 d) 4 e) 1
    18. a) 4 b) 2 c) 3 d) 5 e) 1
    19. a) 1 b) 4 c) 3 d) 2 e) 5
    20. a) 3 b) 2 c) 5 d) 1 e) 4

    Your Hipster Rating:

    90-100 Total Hipster: You’d better go grab some vegetarian sushi and a few cases of cheap beer because guests are about to start arriving at your house show/indie label showcase with significant industry reps arriving at any minute. Hurry!

    80-90: Cool Person: You have good instincts, but you’re not paying attention! You need to go to more shows and hang out with more musicians to achieve better style.

    70-80: Nerd or Yuppie: If you really want to be a hipster, quit your job and start a rock band or go to art school. It might mean a pay cut, but you will look and act cooler.

    60-70: Working Adult Professional: You have no instincts for sub-culture. You are boring, but you run the world. Good for you!

    60 or below: Normal: Why are you reading this?

  2. no.thanks. says:

    yo, that shit was stupid.

    why is it that folks are always years behind shit when they try to make fun of hip folks?
    like…..years and years and years behind the trends

    goddamn it, toss some cat piss into my eyes so i can forget that i just watched that

  3. that list says:

    That list should be titled “Are you a Dork?” Seems like a bunch of outdated questions – and if you ever really liked The Rapture past their Gravity releases or the Postal Service -ever- something tells me you always were a dork.