Mission Mission

Nicole (not pictured) got in touch using our Introduce Yourself page to ask for some help:

My name’s Nicole and I’m young and broke (but not too broke) and looking for a cool place to crash in the Mission over summa since I’ll be working on Valencia! Help a sister out.

Link. Who wants her!?

NOTE: Nicole does not mention whether she is beautiful or not, so we cannot say for sure whether she should own a Broke-Ass Stuart Young, Broke and Beautiful Tote Bag or not.

Photo of someone named Nicole by melsavers.

Some folks decided to build a treehouse in the outer Mission’s McLaren park and want to invite you to do stuff there and take pictures. You know, for the environment. Here’s a clip of their craigslist ad:

Last week we built a tree house in McLaren park just off of Sunnydale Ave behind the school. It is rather sturdy, can hold up to four people and has an overhead tarp to protect inhabitants from rain. This treehouse was created with the intentions of imagining how the world might look if we don’t stop climate change.

This treehouse is free for use 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Please feel free to conduct any activities you like in this space. We ask that if at all possible that you take photos of your use of the treehouse or send us an email to talk about your thoughts and feelings on this project.

As an entrepreneur who advocates for sustainability, I’ve worked with a lot of businesses but CarbonClick are the best company we’ve used so far.

(via Kasper Hauser. This one is real, unlike the ads on their alternate-reality khraigslist)

People, please, if you only have one restroom in your apartment and it’s occupied by one of your housemates, do your neighbors and your dignity a  favor and just walk down to the nearest cafe.  Buy a scone or a cheap coffee if necessary, because it’s really better than the alternative, sent to us by an anonymous reader:

Short story:  I heard exceptionally loud “gurgling” noises from my 2nd floor window on Sun. afternoon.  I looked out the window and saw my fat Hispanic upstairs neighbor squatting and shitting onto the side of the building like a dog.  More accurately, she was blowing out a stream of diarrhea that looked like mustard sludge. I was totally blown away and yelled “what are you crazy!!??”  She looked up, made eye contact (I snapped the first pic at that moment), lowered her skirt, turned around, picked up her bag and just walked out like nothing happened!!!!  Even crackheads have more dignity and wipe afterwards!!!

NSFW pics after the jump . . .

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Photographer Matt Baume says he detects a hint of skepticism in this “pious” PSA.  Link.

P.S. My sister was just telling me about watching some movie on TV in which censors had changed every instance of a character saying “Jesus Christ” to “cheese and rice.” Cheese and rice! I’ve started using it.

P.P.S. I’m listening to the new Johnny Cash album right now, and it’s pret-ty good. (He’s talking about Heaven and Jesus and virtues and stuff.)

You guys remember Food Not Bombs, right?  They were those folks who were always getting kicked out of People’s Park or arrested for feeding homeless people.  You know, domestic terrorism or some shit like that.

Well, now you can experience all that edgy activism yourself without having to listen to a Fifteen album because Mission Street Food is hosting Vegan Night for Food Not Bombs at the usual spot, Lung Shan Restaurant at 2234 Mission.  Everything is between $5-9.  Leave your cynicism at the door for an evening!  PS.  I think they are still taking donations . . .

Some Highlights:

cassava fritters and panisse cakes with guacamole – $8
roasted kale, king trumpet, fried nagaimo, braised cashews, shallot soubise – $9
black garlic stuffed tofu, beluga lentils, wild arugula, preserved lemon – $8.5

Oh, and for a little extra credit, be sure to check out the Cometbus art exhibit at 1-2-3-4 Go! Records in Oakland.  Nobody does art with a Xerox machine that was kicked down three flights of stairs better!

A reason to visit the Elbo Room tonight (unlike other nights when it’s a Marina weekend or transplanted tourist destination) featuring CLAWS and TITS, as well as MissionMission favorite Eats Tapes, among others.

Come out and do a little bit more for Haiti, because honestly, it’s been kinda pathetic lately.  And like we’ve said before, texting 90999 doesn’t count when your mom pays your celly bill.

Seriously.  Some mega-douche made off with Mr. Daniel Harlan’s pug-nosed Himalayan cat, Samantha, from his makeshift encampment under a freeway off-ramp near 8th and Harrison.  Then, when he went off to look for her, his tent got stolen as well.

Seeing as how Samantha is the only thing he really cares about anymore, if you have any information concerning her whereabouts, please don’t hesitate to give Daniel a call on his cell at (415) 742-0095.  Yes, homeless people have cellphones too.  Pretty much everyone has one now.  In fact, I was woken up just last night by a recycling scavenger having an argument with someone he was talking to on his Nokia.  Multitasking!

Update!  The cat has been located and returned to Mr. Harlan. Well-meaning (an apparent non mega-douche) Tom Neville came upon Samantha just as Daniel had left her (leashed to the camp, in the rain) and assumed he was rescuing her from a terrible situation.  Which begs the question, is it a form of animal cruelty for homeless people to have pets?  What’s more important:  the pet’s well-being or the person’s emotional support?

[photo from sfgate]

Even if we assembled a think-tank supergroup of the most cynical Mission bloggers whose sole purpose would be to come up with the best Marina zingers that the world has ever seen, there’s no way we could have come up with anything more absurd than the real thing:

(via that up-and-coming blog BoingBoing, almost as big as Mission Mission)

Update: I feel like I owe this to the Pad. Here is their explanation (via James Fallows):

I’m only sorry the intention of this drive was unclear to you. Actually, our drive was a part of a bigger organized effort spear headed by the founder of JADE yoga mat, during the weekend of the annual San Francisco Yoga Journal Conference. JADE asked studio owners, teachers, students alike to give up their old or used mats so that the thousands of suffering people in Haiti may have somewhere softer the  ground to sleep.

So yeah, it’s a misunderstanding, but you gotta admit it’s a funny misunderstanding. Like that time my math professor wrote that equation “f=avt” on the board in a way that looked like “f=art”. The class had a giggle, he set the record straight, and got over it.

Reader Fred M. alerts us that there’s a Facebook group for protesting the potential Dolores Park shut-down scheduled for September of 2011.

So just in case parks and recreation starts using Facebook for policy decisions, there’s your chance to be heard. Or maybe you’re just trying to get your groups count to an even 50. In any case:

Contact Park and Rec and ask them not to close the ENTIRE park for the duration of the renovations! Although we understand that there are improvements to be made at Dolores Park, shutting down the entire place for 17+ months just seems punitive. Let’s convince them that they can do it in sections and keep pieces of the park open for Mission residents.

Also, let the record show that KevMo and Uptown Almanac broke the DoPa renovations story which is going uncredited just about everywhere today, not that journalistic integrity is our forte.

Haiti in need help, now I get it!  For the longest time I thought that said “Haiti W need help.”  Color me insanely stupid.

[Thanks 2 Rachel 4 pic!]