Mission Mission

Dear Mission Street Food community — I hereby demand JAPADOGS:

I was up in Vancouver for a couple of days for the Olympics, and this line was one of the longer in town. (Longest were the lines for public transit –  they were Toyko-crowded, but they moved fast.  OMG I simply cannot imagine Muni trying to deal with the Olympics.)

Anyway, more on the magic that are JAPADOGS here.

Everything Is Everything just published a photo series called Food and Drink in the Mission and it alllll looks good.

(Vegans, I put “Skinless Beef Feet” right there in the title just for you. You can’t call foul.)

You guys remember Food Not Bombs, right?  They were those folks who were always getting kicked out of People’s Park or arrested for feeding homeless people.  You know, domestic terrorism or some shit like that.

Well, now you can experience all that edgy activism yourself without having to listen to a Fifteen album because Mission Street Food is hosting Vegan Night for Food Not Bombs at the usual spot, Lung Shan Restaurant at 2234 Mission.  Everything is between $5-9.  Leave your cynicism at the door for an evening!  PS.  I think they are still taking donations . . .

Some Highlights:

cassava fritters and panisse cakes with guacamole – $8
roasted kale, king trumpet, fried nagaimo, braised cashews, shallot soubise – $9
black garlic stuffed tofu, beluga lentils, wild arugula, preserved lemon – $8.5

Oh, and for a little extra credit, be sure to check out the Cometbus art exhibit at 1-2-3-4 Go! Records in Oakland.  Nobody does art with a Xerox machine that was kicked down three flights of stairs better!

So, the Cold War ended, the Berlin Wall crumbled, and all this nostalgia-inducing kipple found its way to the Mission.  But what is it?  I want to feel sentimental about Gothaplast Wundpflaster (a band-aid perhaps?) and Erich’s Luxus Duschbad (dandruff shampoo for commies?).  Do we have any Eastern European readers who can shed some light on this? 

This stuff probably means so much more to that table of 4 German tourists who keep asking me to take pictures of them and their schnitzel.  I suppose this is pretty much the equivalent to Dolores Burritos in Germany (with Franziskaner subbing for Negra Modelo), like some sort of exchange program but with restaurants instead of students.  German burrito consumers probably wonder why they have to stare at a wall-size map of the Mission while they eat.

But wait; what’s this?  Who else sees that?  East Germans like Boney M. too?!?  Now we can be brothers!  What’s this soup called?  Soljanka?  Sure, I’ll have some more!  And look, here’s Daniel Bruhl moonlighting as a waiter!  Guten tag indeed.

On Christmas Eve, former Mission Mission editor Kevin slammed Guerrero Street Turkish restaurant Tuba, days before it even opened its doors. An excerpt: “[G]iven the plethora of delicious Valencia eateries, no one is going to stop off for food in the place tucked away to the west with a logo made by someone’s nephew who ‘has photoshop.’ ”

Well, Kev’s pal Queen Larbs attests that, in spite of its temporary signage back in December, the place is doing well, packed full of happy couples on Valentine’s Day, and churning out lamb chops so good you’ll go back for a second order before the night is done. (The famously Greek Larbs also says some stuff about Turks and rape and pillagery, but it’s probably all in fun.) Read on.

Hey, fuck you Bobby Flay. I thought it was jacked up how you jumped up on your cutting board and “raised the roof” after the iron chef competition against Morimoto. Then after you lost, you did it again in Japan on his home turf during the rematch! That time, you knew that knives and cutting boards are sacred to the Japanese. Way to shit on an entire culture, troll.

Flay has been known to strangle Target models while making bro-ey O-faces (dramatization)

Did you know this guy doesn’t even have a high school education? Seriously, he dropped out of HS when he was 17! And get this, he’s being sued by former employees for some shitty labor practices like unfair tip pooling, failure to pay overtime, and refusing to pay legitimate employee incurred expenses! Pretty uncool if you ask me.

This is why you should root for Miguel Escobido from Papalote (24th and Valencia) when he squares off in a burrito battle against Flay on Wednesday’s Throwdown With Bobby Flay. That, and no one makes a better burrito than the Mission (okay, maybe Mexico).

The throwdown airs at 10pm Wednesday 2/17. Set your VCRs. More details here.

Oh boy, Mission Minis little cupcake kiosk will have it’s grand opening today at 2pm on 22nd b/t Mission and Capp. Pizza Hacker will be there, because if anything goes great with little cupcakes, it’s pizza.

Oh, and there’s gonna be a bunch of free stuff. Creme Brûlée Cart is giving away 100 free mini creme brûlées (fuck, that word has way too many accent characters). Try not to get trampled.

[googlemaps http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=embed&hl=en&geocode=&q=18th+and+valencia&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=43.307813,77.871094&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=18th+St+%26+Valencia+St,+San+Francisco,+California+94110&ll=37.771732,-122.417393&spn=0.010602,0.019011&z=14&layer=c&cbll=37.76243,-122.421648&panoid=e1f8RU8de3dIqZ0gC97RwA&cbp=12,132.85,,1,5.24&output=svembed&w=425&h=350]

The best thing to come of all this Pizza by Farina news? The knowledge that a living, breathing person has not only set foot inside of — but actually, physically DINED at — the perpetually empty Pizzeria, that weird pizzeria on the ground floor of the Tropicana Hotel on Valencia.

TJ’s review begins:

Honestly- Pizzeria is one of my favorite spots around the Mission. They won’t sell you beer, which is part of why it’s empty. But they’ll let you bring your own in and drink for free, which is even better.

Read on.

Mark from death wish three and/or breadxbread sends us a tip that the artery bustin’ Ike’s Place experimental sandwich lab is holding an online survey. As if the buy-one-get-one-free coupon that you get in return wasn’t news enough, sections 11-14 seem to imply an interesting future business venture: offering morning-prepped Ike’s sandwiches in vending machines.

Click the following image for a closer look:

For serious? There’s no way a deep-fried mozzarella stick will maintain it’s consistency after 4 hours in a vending machine. And that Halal chicken sauce will eat through your fresh-baked roll leaving you with a soggy mess the likes of which you haven’t seen since your mom didn’t separate out the J in your PB&J lunch back in grade school.

Of course, nothing is certain and this all depends on the interest generated from the survey. Until then, take solace in the fact that Ike’s is still in TCB Courier‘s “Yes, Bro!” zone.

Had the pleasure of sitting down to a peaceful brunch at Boogaloos today.  I never go on the weekends because it’s a veritable shitshow, but on an unassuming Wednesday it can be quite a pleasant experience.  Oh, and look!  The menus are new and shiny instead of those flimsy paper things!

Wait a minute, something isn’t right here.  All the menu items seem to be a dollar or two more expensive than last I remember.  Uh oh.  I hope they didn’t mess with the . . .

Curses!  They did!  What are they thinking?  $4 for a mimosa?  Not quite Foreign Cinema or Beretta prices, but also not a direction in which I am comfortable proceeding.  Am I ridiculously late in discovering this?

Well, at least maybe now it won’t be such a shitshow on weekends anymore.