Mission Mission

Fitting that this is a .png amirite?

Ritte Van Vlaanderen, some kind of cycling enthusiast website, this week published a helpful guide to performing the on-bike pee. Bonus points for performing it toward the long line of people waiting to get into [make your own joke here].

I don’t care for all the foul language, but I kind of like this guy’s attitude.

The best part is when your girlfriend’s ass turns out to be his ass. That was an Avatar-level special effect if ever I saw one.

Also, who doesn’t love a good Beat Happening gag?

And stay for the last 10 seconds.

[via Radballs]

Reader Jesse W. had his bike stolen. Anyone seen it? It’s a really unique Schwinn cruiser that seems pretty hard to miss:

Last night (Thursday, 2/4), my super-fly Schwinn cruiser was stolen, along with three other bikes, from my garage at 15th and Guerrero.  It’s super recognizable, especially if the dumb-ass punk(s) who stole it neglect to unstring the LED christmas lights from the frame.

If you have any leads post a comment or email us (missionmissionmission at gmail dot com) and we’ll make sure Jesse hears about it.

Before the inevitable, “WTF dude, are you gonna post every stolen bike on here? People get their bikes stolen every day! Try Craigslist and next time triple-lock your bike to the radiator in your bedroom.” No, we don’t post every stolen bike on here, but we do post the ones from readers in the Mission who ask us nicely and we have been able to help recover stolen things before. So if you can spare the 2 seconds out of your busy weekend schedule to glance at this bike, then cool. If not, then no big deal.

The great thing about Critical Mass in Sacramento is that with only 14 people on the ride, if you get a flat, the entire Mass will pull over and hang out while you patch it up.

The terrible thing about Critical Mass in Sacramento is there’s this dude who thinks he’s the leader. Gives a welcome speech (he actually says “Welcome to Critical Mass!”) where he explains how Critical Mass works, cautions you not to break any rules, gets all serious if you make a joke about throwing bricks at cars, and informs you in which direction he’s decided we’ll be starting off. And then he barks orders at everybody the whole time: “LIGHT!!” “JOIN US!!” “IT’S CRITICAL MASS; JOIN US!!” “LIGHT!!” Gag me!

Sacramento is beautiful though. It’s a nice place to bike.

Previously:

Critical Mass Halloween

Critical Mass Seattle

Critical Mass at Ocean Beach

Critical Mass Louisville

Update! Agent Chaos of The Derailleurs is here to spread the word that there is a Bike Dance Cabaret in town. The Derailleurs will be debuting their Tweed Ride Polo Dance Movie and also the Derailleurs Coloring Book.

Come see what the saucy cyclists have cooked up for you.

Dance performances by the Derailleurs, the Bombshells (punk rock burlesque), and the Cheese Puffs (lounge burlesque)

Live music by The Nerv (hard hitting, straightforward inspirational punk), Jessie Roadkill (quirky singer-songwriter), and Tongue and Teeth (haunting and passionate)

Dance music by DJs Zelko (of Kafana Balkan), Miss Rowdy (booty), and Mega Bitch (more booty)

When: Jan. 30th

Where: The Box Factory 865 Florida #1 @ 21st

How Much: $7

[photo by derailleurs]

Biking to work down Market today, I noticed the Muni buses begin to pile up.  It was rather narrow to squeeze through but fairly safe since traffic was stagnant.  The drivers all had their doors open and were casually chatting with one another, and some were even hanging outside their buses.  Looks like this was a good day to take the Letters, unlike yesterday.

I finally approached the scene, but only emergency vehicles and the offending taxi remained.  However, my friend Aiko-Sophie witnessed the ordeal and provides the following account:

I was on the 21 and saw a pedestrian that had just been hit by a taxi.  His head was resting on the curb with his body still in the street.  Blood was coming from the back of his head.  His eyes were closed and he wasn’t moving.

Doesn’t sound very good.  Let’s hope this turns out ok.  Please be careful when crossing the street, pedestrians!  Those taxis can be maniacs, but you would not believe how many pedestrians just blindly cross Market street right in front of my bike (without looking) every week!

The taxi in question can be seen being inspected here.  MORE PHOTOS of the scene of the crime after the jump (always wanted to say that):

(more…)

This high-riding cyclist, spotted outside Four Barrel, was able to generate admiration from members of both the cycling and motorbiking communities, groups who often find themselves at odds with one another (usually over disputes involving the bike lane).  While I tend to support anything that can elicit agreement between such diverse citizenry, and I applaud this guy for apparently commuting to work on such “cool shit,” I’ve got to wonder:

How is he going to get off of this thing?  Does he need someone at his destination to hold the bike while he dismounts?  Does he just pedal up to a parked car and step off onto the hood?  Does he have to trackstand at every intersection since he can’t put his foot down?

These are questions that need to be answered!

<photo courtesy of Bikes and the City>

So proclaims a new public service announcement from Bikes and the City. Just ride your bike already and let all your woes be gone, okay? Meli’s got a bunch more gorgeous photography right about here.

Went to Santa Cruz the other day to ride bikes/remember what 70 degree weather is like/make fun of hippies and stumbled across this beast.  Forget about that fixed gear noise, belt drives are the purest form of cycling.  I asked the owner if he liked the bike: “It’s great.  She’s ready to go whenever I want.  Don’t even have to use lube.”  Zing!

In other news, being covered in liquid horse shit is very fashion forward.

Sure it’s photoshopped, but it’s still great.

(Source of this is unknown)