Mission Mission

I was feeling a little nostalgic, so I decided to make one last shopping trip to Delano’s for old time’s sake.  It was fairly disarming to witness firsthand the depleted shelves and bins throughout the store.  A few other shoppers milled about, almost seeming more interested in surveying the scene than picking out groceries. 

A somber air permeated the place, and not even the sounds of ABBA emanating from the tinny overhead speakers could shake out the funk.

Some of the more depressing shelves (plus an UPLIFTING STORY and an UPDATE!!!), after the jump:

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Just kidding. Harrison and 14th.

Brainslip paints a sobering alternate history of a Mission under the influence of LA foodstuffs. Carne asada fries are a slippery slope, my friends:

First it started with the dreaded droopy carne asada fry invasion.

Then they took pizza. How could we lose pizza? Well, we did, to a cardboard tasting menace called Dominos, which began to infiltrate the Mission block by block from 30th to Division, Guerrero to Potrero. Heroes fell one after the other – Papa Potrero, Serrano, Cybelle, and perhaps remembered most fondly- Zante.

You can take my Indian pizza from my cold, dead hand.

Next up: tacos – soon deep fried was all they tried – Baja style. No more boiled chicken, shredded pork, sauteed fish, etc.

Scared?  You should be.  It gets worse:

After a year of sensory dullification we lost the only thing that mattered: burgers. In-N-Out opened at 20th @ Valencia. A bikes only drive-thru , how could we resist? Free air, free water, valet bike parking: all so delightful.

First they came for the pizza. And I didn’t speak up because there was too much bufala.

Then they came for the taquerias.  And I didn’t speak up because there was too much pollo asado.

Such SoCalized medicine flooded the streets. Everywhere were carts, huts, & shacks – all shaped in the like of their foodstuffs. A nonstop barrage of fried chicken, chili fries, and pastrami became too much for neighborhood morale. Defeated, they gave up what mattered most, and signed over the rights to their BART tube for conversion to a freeway tunnel.

Oh dear.  Food has consequences. The Great War of the Californias indeed.

How can hackers exploit this amalgamation of fashion and technology?  Only S. Pigeon knows . . .

Previously:

Hack the Planet!  Starting With That Sign Outside of Blue Plate

Photo by Pete Briones.

Previously:

Chinese Hipsters Are 40+

Because of The Wire, am I right?

Photo by Orin Zebest.

Previously:

Re-Elect Clay Davis

We sure didn’t. SF Weekly has the scoop, buried in some kind of article about Muni budget woes or something.

So, what kind of fun should we have with this?

(Thanks to Ani for the tip! And the title, sort of!)

Photo by Matt Baume.

Check out this blast from the recent past. Calling All Monsters are sadly no longer with us, but their music video for “We Are Special Forces” is.

Lead singer Matthew Troy (formerly of local band Track Star and current co-owner of local shop Faye’s Video) and I lived in an apartment on Guerrero near 18th and the basement (which had some interesting history that I’ll save for a later post) served as the location for this video about the real band breaking up a party with an imposter band.

Who knows, you may recognize some of your friends at this party.  Plus, watch me get shot in the head while shredding on guitar.

Directed by Akira Boch and Francisco Hernandez.

When we’ve got this guy ready to take its place?  Nice enclosure!

Previously:

Delano’s IGA on the Ropes?

Hey what do Google, cheese, authentic consumer electronics, and now “fixed gear bicycles” have in common? They are all hard to come by in China.

Poor Nie Zheng (pictured) had to wait his entire life to complete his Mission hipster look:

‘It’s been a dream since I was a kid to get a bicycle like this,’ the 40-year-old fashion photographer told me. ‘But no one sold them here.’ It took nearly nine months, he said, to get a track bike he wanted sent from England in 2007.

Someone throw a benefit show for these guys, already.

(via Slate)

Previously:

Kevmo goes to China

How To Drink From a Bag o’ Brew