Mission Mission

The Dolores Park Community Meeting at Mission High School wrapped up at 8pm Wednesday. There were a lot of strong opinions, but the meeting stayed civil. We focused on two main topics:

Traffic Safety on 19th and Dolores

Neighbors and park-goers agree that 19th and Dolores is a dangerous intersection. With the unlikely combination of dog walkers, children, and intoxicated you-know-what-sters it’s a miracle that the street doesn’t get a splattered with a daily red paint job.

Manito Velasco of the SFMTA did most of the talking and plainly stated that no new stop signs will be installed. They have have studied the traffic flow on weekdays and don’t think it meets federal guidelines for signs. One guy said that they should study the traffic on weekends because, like doye, it’s totally different. Zing. Velsaco said he’d do that. Also, nuh-uh to traffic lights, ’cause those sons of bitches cost $350,000.

What they do propose is some combination of the following:

• High visibility and way-fun “zebra striped” crosswalks (you know, for kids)
• Yield notifications
• Pedestrian Xing stencils
• 20th and Dolores traffic light timing tweaks

They are also looking into:

• Disallowing U-Turns (To which one neighbor replied to the effect of, “But then I can’t go home without doing a lap around San Francisco first!” Somebody get this lady google maps STAT.)
• Remove some parking spaces on the corners to increase visibility
• Reduce the San Jose 280 offramp to one lane to discourage people from taking shortcuts through the Mission

After some prodding from the audience, Velasco conceded that they are “not opposed” to stop signs but want to check out other options first. Oh ok, so “no stop signs” is now “maybe stop signs”.

Sorry what were we just talking about again? I got distracted looking out the window at the people in Dolores Park having an awesome time in the 70 degree weather. Oh yeah, traffic on 19th and Dolores.

Two diagrams for the redesigned intersections were shown, featuring neat “bulb outs” and “pedestrian refuges”. A guy pointed out that the diagram showed a clip-art car making a dangerous U-turn, or a sorry excuse for a left turn. Someone fire that illustrator.

Enforcement of Park Rules

Supervisor Bevan Duffy gave a long rambling introduction for the Mission Police Station’s Captain Corrales in which he called the dude a total hard ass, but damn it all, he respects him. Corrales, who would really rather have been at the Giants game, reminded us that drinking and smoking have always been illegal in Dolores Park. That being said, if there are no complaints, they don’t go out and bust people. He added that after the park stabbing in early August neighbors got spooked and increased complaints about drinking, smoking, and other fun stuff in the park so they sent those motorized robocops around to issue citations. How many? 28, to be exact. 19 for drinking, 9 for smoking. He then rolled his eyes about emails whining that the sight of patrolling police cars was “ruining the ambiance” of the park. This guy is pretty snarky! I like it. He should write a blog.

On to the comments which, like on a Mission hyper-local blog, is where things get a little tense.

This guy whose name rhymes with “Tevin Tontgomery” said that SF has a history of not enforcing laws and that the city often pioneers the legislative destruction of outdated laws. He added that cops should be busting killers and stuff, and not jerking around fun-loving 20-somethings which is “ageism”. Corrales shrugged and said, “speak for yourself, dude. I have been enforcing the law for 40 years”. Wow! That guy is cucumber boy, as in “cool as a”. Bevan Duffy got HELLA PISSED and said some stuff about how immigrants are protected by law and that he visits crime victims in hospitals, which was sorta confusing, but got some woo-hoos and applause.

A Latin-American 20-year resident of 19th and Dolores who kinda looks like John Tuturro brought up how young brown kids growing up in the ‘hood see cops turning a blind eye to the whiteys in the park partying down, while busting them for the same stuff, leading to the perception that cops and hipsters are full of shit. Touché, sir. No one’s touching that one.

Neighbors holding babies chimed in. They’re not “anti-fun”, just anti-people barfing on their doorsteps, dancing on their cars, stealing their cell phones, leaving trash everywhere, and having loud non-permit raves (Fun facts: only 2 permits are issued for Dolores Park events a month, and none of them allow events after 6pm). One reminisced about the old days where the young people would chillax with one discreet bottle in hand, as opposed to wheeling in kegs and smoking the doobies everywhere. They also zinged the cops for the handling of the nighttime crowd dispersal last week, which involved bullhorns and bright lights. Cops said they would try to do better.

Later that night, the cops dispersed the crowds in the park with bullhorns and  bright lights from a menacing cruiser. Not that I was, um, there or anything.

One park-goer commented on how she drinks in the park (Oops! Hear that Captain Corrales?) but totally respects the space, sympathizes with the neighbors, and cleans up after herself. Yessir, it’s probably those ruffians with the arm tattoos that are just ruining it for everyone. Neighbors nodded in approval as if to say, “you’re one of the good ones, babe.”

Then there was some more chatter about the trash can and bathroom situation. In short, the renovation will address all these things. For now, port-o-johns on somewhat arbitrarily selected days will have to do. As for trash? No word, but you’d be surprised how much of it you can stuff in a medium Timbuk2 messenger bag.

Wrap-up

I haven’t been to a lot of these sorts of meetings, so I’m not sure what to make of the outcome. Crystal Vann Wallstrom of Dolores Park Works was optimistic about everyone coming to agreement which didn’t happen. In the end, she shrugged and said, “we’ll keep doing this every year until we all agree”. No hurry, folks. On the other hand, it was a chance for people to be heard by parties on all sides, which must be positive.

In all seriousness, thanks for Dolores Park Works for setting up the meeting. It was a good experience to hear all sides of the argument in a controlled fashion. Organizing and moderating these meetings seems exhausting, and it’s not a task I’d be up for. I hope you all make it to the next one.

If I have sarcastic facial hair that makes fun of ironic facial hair does that make it moronic?

See also the Side Stash . . .

And the Ironic Combovers.

Wow, lots of breaking burrito news lately!  Let’s review, shall we?

First up, the 2010 Mission Burrito Book named its controversial choice for #1 burrito in San Francisco.  I won’t ruin the suspense by spoiling the winning taqueria here, but I will say that it’s not Lady Gaga fave El Farolito, Papalote, Cancun, or El Metate.  Who could it be then?  Check it out for yourself!

Speaking of Papalote, Aggressive Panhandler is reporting that the Bobby Flay-slaying taqueria will now be selling their more-addictive-than-crack secret salsa in jars for people around the world to purchase online.  No longer will you have to remember to order (and pay for!) an extra container when you get your burritos to go!  How much would you pay for this 60-gallon vat of Papalote salsa?

Somebody erected this fertility monument on Shotwell and 19th. Note how when the sun is at it’s peak elevation in the summer sky, the shadow cast by this masterpiece forms a perfectly-rendered ball sack.

This may be the most important dong discovery since the Cerne Abbas Giant.

[Photo and title Jeff D., Spots Unknown]

Hey check it out, Local Mission Eatery on 24th thinks it’s just swell that you didn’t go to Burning Man this year and wants to buy you a beer.

I guess technically every deal in town this week could be perceived as an “anti-burning man” deal. I think I’m ok with that considering everything for the last 3 months was billed as a “get ready for burning man special!”

In that spirit: here are some other awesome “Thank You For Not Going To Burning Man” deals this week:

• The Exploratorium’s “Steampunk Is Not Real Science” free admission today (Wednesday!)
• The SF Zoo’s “Just Because You Hot-Glued Fur To Your Bike Doesn’t Make It An Animal” free admission today (Wednesday!)
• Amnesia’s “Burning What? Happy Hour” (5-7pm Every day this week!)
• The Earth’s “You Don’t Have To Be In The Desert To Have Warm Weather” awesome SF weather forecast (Limited time offer!)

Someone seems to be timing the re-issue of the Banksy film with some new art of the same style.

Regardless of who did it, what do you make of the message?

(Thanks for spotting and sending, reader Dave!)

Update: Another one spotted on Lexington at 19th. (Thanks Jeannine!)

Goodbye Levi's signage

It was only here for a few months, but in that short amount of time it managed to garner all sorts of polarizing opinions regarding its legitimacy and goals.  It also played host to a bunch of neat events, from rock shows and hands-on print screening sessions to talks by noted designers such as Stefan Sagmeister.

So, now that it’s moving to NYC and another Charles Phan restaurant is on the way to take its spot on Valencia, how do you feel about the Levi’s Workshop in retrospect?  Still convinced it was some nefarious plot by a huge business entity to infiltrate our “culture”?  Or were you impressed that a company like Levi’s would take the time to engage the locals?

Please tell us about your experiences there, whether they were good or bad, so the next multinational corporation with indie aspirations won’t make the same perceived missteps.  Most importantly, did anyone manage to create some cool shit there?  Please share!

Previously:

What Do You Think About the Levi’s Workshop on Valencia?

Inside the Levi’s Workshop

A Saturday at the Levi’s Pop-Up

We finally managed to track down the actual photographer from last Friday’s Gaga-fest and had a chance to chat and set the story straight.  Everyone, please meet Claire, the Rosamunde-employee-turned-paparazzi, whom we last observed being a real scooter hero.  I’m just going to do my best paraphrasing what she told me, so let me get out of your way here real quick.

“It was Wednesday at about 1:30pm.  There were only two people or so eating in the restaurant when Lady Gaga came in accompanied by three Secret Service style bodyguards and her boyfriend Luc Karl (of drunkdiet.com) while another bodyguard waited in a car.  They had been driving up from San Jose after playing a show there Monday and had six hours to kill in San Francisco before they continued on to Portland for a show on Thursday night.

Gaga had been harboring a craving for Mexican food, so the couple made a quick stop in the Mission because they had heard it was the place to be for burritos.  However, the pop superstar saw the word “Sausage” on the Rosamunde sign and thought it was soooo funny that they just had to stop in.  Despite his belief that beer is the new chocolate cake and is bad for his abs, Luc nonetheless ordered a Unibroue Blanche De Chambly while Gaga settled for a nondescript white wine [pictured--the Zinfandel perhaps?  Also, this unfortunately means that Lady Gaga did not in fact stick a Rosamunde sausage in her mouth as previously believed].

After I served them, the couple chilled out with their drinks for a bit while messing with their phones.  At one point, Gaga asked me how to spell “Diarrhea,” presumably for her Twitter or Facebook or something.  As I spelled it out for her, she noticed my jewelry and asked me where I got it.  I told her I made it all myself (I have a degree in Metalsmithing) and she got excited and said she wanted me to make her a necklace for the MTV Music Awards.  After a few OMG’s I realized I didn’t have any other samples with me, but she told me not to worry and to just stop by Waterbar (where she was having dinner later that evening) after I finished my shift to drop some off.

Anyway, my coworkers still didn’t quite believe that it was really her, and my buddy Goose (the other guy in the picture) who was hanging out at the time was completely oblivious.  He asked her, “So, uh, do you have a band or something.”  “Oh, so is it your band, or are you just in the band?”  “Really, what’s it called?”  Gaga was surprised but amused, and just said, “Lady Gaga,” causing Goose to do a double take and stammer an apology or something.

She ended up hanging in the nearly empty Rosamunde for around 2 hours, just chatting away with me and some of my coworkers.  It was a pretty awesome experience–she’s a rad lady!  Her bodyguards kept reminding her that she had reservations at Waterbar at 7pm, but Lady Gaga was determined to get a real Mission burrito before she left San Francisco, so she asked us where she could find the best one.  We all agreed that she should check out El Farolito, which was of course located just kitty-corner to our spot.  With that, Gaga bade farewell, headed across the street with Luc and her bodyguards, and probably shoved an Al Pastor Super into her face about 15 minutes later.

Of course, I ended up having to work a double shift and by the time I made it all the way down to the Embarcadero, they were gone.  So if you see this, Lady Gaga, roll over to clairehummeldesign.com [the site isn't functional until next week, but here's the Facebook link in the meantime] and make me famous!!!”

Previously:

Lady Gaga Causing a Scene at Rosamunde

Do you want to protect your right to throw an alcoholic energy drink themed flash dance party in the park without being hassled by the po-po? Who doesn’t?

Well now is your chance to be heard in front of the people that make these decisions:

Dolores Park Works has organized a community meeting to discuss safety, law enforcement and 19th & Dolores has been set. The big day is just two days away, Wednesday, September 1st, from 6:00-8:00, at Mission High School cafeteria, which is located across from the tennis courts in Dolores Park (entrance to cafeteria off of Dolores & 18th).

We will be covering:

• 19^th & Dolores pedestrian safety & proposed changes
• Park patron safety and law enforcement

Get to work folks, you have about 30 hours to formulate a convincing argument about how we live in a police state and that NIMBYs are harshing your mellow, man. See you there!

More info at DPW, thanks to Andy B. for the gentle reminder

No, they’re not rennovating.  A small fire that started in the kitchen last night forced SFFD to arrive on the scene and hose down the popular brunch spot.  By morning a pile of rubbish had already been cleared outside, but the damage inside appeared to be minimal.  So don’t worry; by the time the weekend arrives, you should be able to wait 30 minutes for a table again!

UPDATE!!!  According to Mission Local, they opened at 9:30am this morning!