Mission Mission

2010

• Public radio dreamboat Ira Glass tagged a wall in what appeared to be some sort of viral marketing scheme for This American Life
• Janebook lamented about lame-o craigslist Mission rooms for rent, what with their no-boyfriends policies, weekly house meetings, and fucking chore wheels

2009

• Chicken John tried to sell his warehouse, but apparently he’s still there organizing Dolores Park vomiting parties
• The Ghostbusters moved to the Mission, ditched the hearse for a more economical station wagon

2008

• The droids you weren’t looking were muralized to promote “Iron Rich Foods”
• Phat Philly, the best place to score some imported Tastykakes, opened. Do their onion rings still kick ass?

2007

• Somebody couldn’t wait to get to the park and did 7 whippits on the J Church
• Mother nature left some unintentional dead rat street art

2010

• Local standup comedian Chris Garcia KILLED US with this bit all about the Mission
• A car plowed into a group of celebrating Giants fans, the driver was pulled out, and beaten by an angry mob

2009

• “You Occupy Wallstreet kids think you invented tagging banks, well we were doing it in 2009 when you were still worrying about midterms”
• Someone clearly partied too hard on Capp street

2008

• Everyone wants to say they live in the Mission, even though they really live in “Missiontrero”
• The UFO Response team took a case in the ‘hood. It probably turned out to be a weather balloon

2007

• Xeni from BoingBoing favorited a picture of a dumpster we posted, so apparently is what it takes to make it on the Internet. That, and steampunk Star Wars ukuleles.

2010

• Lady Gaga came to town to sample some delicious Mission sausages. I’ve got a sausage she can sample. No seriously, I’m talking about Rosamunde sausages. They’re really good and she should check it out.
• We asked you for a new Mission motto, you delivered: “The Mission: where latinos and hipsters politely ignore each other’s existence”

2009

• Someone left a friendly reminder to please take the entire free sidewalk couch, not just the cushions (it’s inhumane to separate bedbug families).
• Locals celebrated shark week by draping dead sharks over various Mission trash receptacles.

2008

• A Mission motorist took his disdain for self-obsessed bicyclists to Craigslist, actually made me hate cyclists a little.
• A guy posted a Missed Connection for the individual that kicked his drunk ass at Zeitgeist, praised the beating as a “masterpiece”

2010

• Consumer champion Ariel Dovas got naked to review a messenger bag
• Mission Chinese Food opened its doors. Seeing the now-discontinued Chinito made me sad.

2009

• Rainbow Grocery invited you to try its Vulva balm
• El Tonayense changed their perfectly good truck artwork to the Black Angus-inspired  design we know today

2008

• Dude, your beard smells
• Somebody wrote some swell haiku reviews of notable Mission taquerias

2007

• Nothing happened in the Mission July 2007 at all. It’s the only possible explanation.

Put on some Huey Lewis and fire up that flux capacitor! Doc Wong is taking you back in time. June of years past, to be exact. Please, try not to touch anything. We wouldn’t want to cause a tear in in the space/time continuum.

2010

• We reviewed a burrito in NYC and aside from some structural issues, it was pretty good
• Actually, the rapture already occurred on June 25, 2010. Tribulation hasn’t been so bad after all.

2009

• The Google Maps staff couldn’t spell “Dolores Park”
• Internet rage returned the kidnapped Mr. Pickle to his rightful home

2008

• Some innovative skaters went fixed-push, which is truly the purest form of skateboarding
• A dude name-dropped Jonathan Richman’s ex-wife to pick up chicks

2007

• Allan explained how to party in Oakland. Most of those places are still around! Except the Parkway

Every month on what was originally supposed to be the 1st but has now become a somewhat arbitrary date, we post some stuff that happened on Mission Mission in years past. How long will this tradition last? I don’t know… but at the very least until Judgement Day (5 days).

2010

• Guy tries to walk his dog in the Mission, ends up on 20 Flickr feeds
• Being good at Karaoke gets you hella CL Missed Connections

2009

• Triple vomit all the way, what does it mean?
• Everyone was freaked out about getting the flu from pigs; we all turned out fine

2008

• Creepy-ass clowns creeped us the fuck out
• People were still saying “Hipster” and “Douchebag” to describe pretty much everyone they didn’t like

2007

• Noxious gas cloud descended on the Mission. In retrospect, it likely originated from the bathroom at Pops

Every month we take a walk down memory lane with Mission Mission posts from years past. Yeah, we were supposed to do this on April 1st, but we were too busy posting unfunny April fools pranks. Sorry.

2010

• Son, you don’t know how good you have it. There are old dudes in China who can’t even get fixies. Now master that skid stop or go to your room.
• Some dude tried to undersell the Cold Beer Cold Water man, and was never seen since. Did CBCW order a hit on him?

2009

• Scantly-clad midday walk of shame babe gets Mission Mission the most hits of all time and oh why bother saying anything else, you already clicked this link, pervo.
• Just like a TV, never try to give away a pig’s head on the street unless you want it to get tagged.

2008

• El Toro’s exterior was renovated and we were like, “woah, that looks weird,” but now we’re all, “wait, what did it look like before?”
• One of our writers actually used to hang out at Medjool and complain about all the douchebags, but that apparently didn’t stop her from going there, like, all the time.

2007

• Nothing happened in the Mission in April of 2007. My theory is that the neighborhood entered a cosmic wormhole and stopped existing for a month. Where is Carl Sagan when you need him?

Part of reworking the site was combing through 4 years of Mission Mission posts. There has been some good stuff. Every 1st, I’m going to bring you this month’s posts of yesteryear!

2010

• SF Gate got its feelings hurt by Mission bartenders, cried to mommy about it
• It snowed last year, too! If you count white stuff falling from the sky as snow

2009

• Guy went to Safeway, watched asshole hit his girlfriend, kicked dude’s ass, and (probably) later slept with asshole’s girlfriend
• Magic Curry Cart got it’s start

2008

• Little Star Pizza tried to reason with taggers
• Two safety-conscious individuals got married in bubble wrap

2007

• We saw the earliest incarnations of viral sidewalk marketing